Homework is for non-procastinators

But I'm a good procastinator! I do funky lil images like this! Please tell me I'm a good procastinator!!!!!!! I've always prided myself on being such a great procastinator. I've always had a knack of being able to fill any time I should be doing homework, with stuff that is unnecessary.

(and yes, I am aware of the typo in the Michelle picture. I suppose this means I'm a shit procastinator, because a good one would go back and do it all over again. I'll go away in shame now...)

This Week in Australian Cinemas

YAWN


(thanks for Nat for that image)

Friends with Money, 2006, dir. Holofcener
Nicole Holofcener is a director I wish I had seen movies from, but for some reason I just never got around to Lovely & Amazing (it has the Jake in it so why not?) and Walking and Talking. I have seen her directed episode of Six Feet Under though! And I'm sure I've seen her directed episode of Gilmore Girls too. I would love to say I really wanna see this (have you SEEN that cast list?) but unfortunately, while I do aim to see it, I just don't think I want to plant down $10 to see it in a cinema. On DVD though it should be a must.

Clerks 2, 2006, dir. Smith
Fact. When I first watched the original Clerks I actually turned it off with only 10 minutes to go. I disliked it that much... granted, I didn't know it only had 10 minutes left, but still... it takes a lot for me to turn a movie off, even if I hate it. I eventually did sit down to watch the end a day later or so and, well, it didn't redeem the movie much for me. Kevin Smith is a director I just flat out do not like. His movies are just not my type. I did like Mattrats for whatever reason but Clerks, Chasing Amy, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back and Dogma??? Nup. Hate them all (I never did see Jersey Girl thank god.) Even the Jay and Silent Bob cameo in Scream 3 wasn't amusing (and I think that whole debacle of a movie is ridiculously funny.) I must say, I think the reason I loathe Chasing Amy is because of that bitch arsed rotten disease-festering devil woman... I think y'all know who I'm talkin' 'bout, right?).

So back to Clerks 2... I think it looks fucking stupid and I don't care what anyone says. The end.

48 Shades, 2006, dir. Lapaine
Aww, this is sad. Apparently the movie is shit. It's a shame because there hasn't been a good teen movie come from Australia since 2000's Looking for Alibrandi (I remember my brother being quite pissed off that Alibrandi beat Chopper to Best Film at the AFIs). So, yeah... shame, because I like the cast (Emma Lung and Victoria Thaine are two of my new fave up-and-comers). But, here's a little fact. The director and writer is first timer Daniel Lapaine, a smalltime actor. You would, however, remember him as David Van Ankle, the South African swimmer who gets into an arranged marraige with Toni Collette in Muriel's Wedding!

Silent Hill, 2006, dir. Gans
Oh, Christopher Gans! What on earth have you done? To be honest, I quite liked his everything-and-the-kitchen-sink French flick from a few years back The Brotherhood of the Wolf - it's charm came in the fact that it was so completely over the top, plus it had Vincent + Monica, my very favourite acting couple). It didn't come as a surprise to hear that his video game adaptation of Silent Hill was a nonsensical mess, but I was slightly surprised to hear that it wasn't even a fun nonsensicle mess. The story seems prime for some hilarious and ridiculously absurd horror action, but it appears it was not to be. In the light of this, let us have a chuckle at this and this, shall we?!

Man About Town, 2006, dir. Binder
And then we come to the stinker of the week. This has flop written all over it. I doubt this will even do Just My Luck business (JML didn't even make the Top 10 here). It just looks so bad. Shame, really because it's written and directed by Mike Binder who made a significant impression last year with The Upside of Anger starring Joan Allen. I didn't even know he was making this movie until last week! It stars Ben Affleck, Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O'Connell, Mike Binder, John Cleese, Kal Penn and Gina Gershon herself! Hell, it even has Bai Ling!!! Oh well. Does this even have a release date in America?

BOX-OFFICE
1. Snakes on a Plane (1)
2. Miami Vice (3)
3. Fearless (1)
4. You, Me and Dupree (5)
5. Thank You for Smoking (1)
6. Hoowinked (4)
7. Pirates of the Caribbean... (8)
8. Kenny (2)
9. United 93 (2)
10. Curious George (2)

YAWN. Snakes takes top spot, pushing two-week leader Miami Vice to third. Vice is going much better here than in the US, I believe. Jet Li's last kung fu movie (or whatever) Fearless made a great debut at #3. Great, because it's not in English, y'all. Thank You For Smoking gets a great entry at #5 with the highest cinema average of entire top 20 (excluding the IMAX title Deep Sea 3D at #19). That title should chug along to at least $2mil, which is great for some a niche title.

Kenny, the Australian mockumentary about a portaloo salesman, in it's second week performs the rare act of actually increasing it's takings. It went up 11% despite falling one spot to #8. United 93 sits at #9, a fall from #5 last week, but it's takings only dropped 29% so it looks worse than it is. It's gonna make a quiet $2mil (most likely just under) and that's pretty good considering the subject.

Outside the top 10 the only new entries are Unfolding Florence at #17 with a pretty good $63,000. Unranked were The Child and Secuestro Express. Notorious Aussie flick 2:37 holds well, but it's opening number was low so it's not really helping. This movie won't even get to half a million.

Hunger Torture

I watched a movie last night that made me sick to my stomach. The entire second half of the film is essentially one long torture sequence. I had such a reaction to this movie. I felt something deep within my stomach.

I don't speak of a horror movie though, I speak of Babette's Feast. I finally sat down to watch this last night (it had been sitting on my DVD player for a week now) and OMG! It was tortuous. How could they make this movie and expect people to just sit there WITH NO FOOD! I wanted an eight-coarse meal like the one in the movie.

Great film though. B+

The Texas Chainsaw Mascara?

No, no... The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. If this is anywhere near as good as the 2003 film then I'll be happy. I know a lot of people hate the 2003 remake (starring Jessica Beil and Jonathan Tucker) but I loved it. Hadn't experienced anything like the feelings I had since The Blair Witch Project (ya know, absolute dread and wanting to crawl into a featus position). Below is the new poster for The Beginning, which is a prequel to the the sequel, which was a sort of remake of the the original but was also a sort of sequel. You follow? It's like discussing all these American remakes of Japanese movies. "The Ring Two is the sequal to the original remake of Ringu, but isn't a remake of the original sequal even though they were both directed by the same man."

...yeah. I know. It's getting (gotten?) quite ridiculous.

hmmm...

I said, hmmm...

The Wrong Number Slevin

Okay, so I'm not sure about elsewhere in the world, but in Australia distributers routinely change the names of movies for no apparent reason. Why, for instance, change Fever Pitch to... The Perfect Match? And so on. So it was with a perplexed look upon my face that I came across this...


I can understand changing this title (the original is ugly), but... huh? The Wrong Man? Isn't that, like, Generic Title #3 in the world. I'd rather see Lucky Number Slevin than The Wrong Man.

Anyway, I'm seeing United 93 tonight. ...yay?

The Emmys (aka, TONY SHALHOUB WON AGAIN?!?!)

All I Have to say about The Emmys are "LOL" and "WTF?" Seriously, what are those emmy voters smoking? I can completely understand The Office cause that's funny but it's funny because of Steve Carell (well, about 70% Carell) yet Carell loses the Best Actor in a Comedy award to... TONY SHALHOUB?!?! Holy crap. That schtick got old a years ago. I coulda sworn that show had been axed, anyway!

Then there is 24. I think it's just my hatred for that show (sorry, but Jack Bauer officially stopped being interesting at the end of season 2. How many times can one man save the fucking world?!). Keifer Sutherland winning Best Actor? I would've been happy with this result five bloody years ago! God. Are the Emmy voters in some weird parallel universe? That would explain the absolutely ridiculously absurd nominations (seriously! four of the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees are from cancelled tv shows. Making the Desperate Housewives snub in that category even more bizarre. Three of the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy nominees were also from cancelled shows). And seriously, Francis Conroy deserved that Best Actress in a Drama statue for the last five years. Shame on your Emmy voters. You're tasteless gits.

Oh, and seriously? BARRY MANILOW?!

Some positives though. Was definitely glad to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus take out the Comedy Actress category. I love her so much, even though her speech was really weird to watch. Kelly Macdonald winning was a surprising turn, but delightful nonetheless. Umm... yeah, that's about it. And The Office, but I already mentioned that. Oh, I forgot the actual major highlight! Seeing the entire Ellen Burstyn performance in her nomination clip. COMEDY GOLD, PEOPLE!

As for the actual show itself, it was at times really good and at times annoying. The red carpet special was truly abyssmal. Seriously. They will have their fashion commentators being all "Now we have Mariska Margitay in a stunning dress" yet they will ONLY SHOW A CLOSEUP OF HER FACE!!!!!! aagh. Like, I don't give a flying fuck about who they're wearing, how comfortable it is, how hot it is, how long it took them to get ready I JUST WANT TO SEE PRETTY (ornotsoprettyomg) DRESSES!!! Seriously, is that too much to ask of a red carpet special? And who the fuck is Billy Bush? He's a tiny tiny man. And they should only get homosexual men to cover these events because the hetero dudes sound ridiculous. It's as if they're trying to make it sounds as if they're not only doing it for the cash and to look at prime Hollywood chests (and that includes Simon Cowell's! omg that's grotesque. They're called BUTTONS Simon. They're attached to a shirt for a reason). And seriously, that woman who didn't realise that Annette Bening has been screwed over for Oscar's three times and that her comments were ridiculous unresearched and insulting. And then when Annette tried to correct her she was blissfully unaware. Dumb retched idiot.

Conan O'Brian was good. His bizarre musical sequence at the start was really fun. He always looks so gangly so the whole Music Man thing looked good. The most annoying thing about the presenters were that, like, 75% of them all made jokes about how they weren't gonna make jokes. Yet, they're weren't funny! So... they should've just NOT made ANY jokes about making jokes and left it at that.

So, yeah... whatever. Check out the link below for more Emmy fun! No, seriously!

Emmy dresses fugged at Go Fug Yourself

But seriously... Tony Shalhoub? Awful...

Welcome to the Cannavale

Incase y'all haven't noticed I have a definite thing for Italian men (I'd call 'em Italian Stallions but that's sorta lame and corny and they're not horses thnx). I'm pretty certain that when I meet the perfect man (no relation to that awful Hilary Duff movie) that he will be Italian.

The very finest, I believe, is Bobby Cannavale. I remember back in 1999 when a tv show called Third Watch premiered. The first moment Bobby walked on screen I was instantly hooked. He was dreamy. Most people seemed to be in love with Mr Plastic Fantastic No Personality Eddie Cibrian (WHY PEOPLE? WHY?), but not me. I loved Bobby so much that when he left the show in 2001 (due to lack of character storyline, apparently) I immediately stopped watching. What else was there? Since then he's gone on to appear in the delightful The Station Agent where he was my pick for Best Supporting Actor that year. He also appeared in another uniform (this time as a policeman, yum) on Will & Grace, appeared in two of my all time favourite shows Six Feet Under and Sex & the City (actually this show was before Third Watch, my mistake, but how can you forget that episode? LOL!) and then danced it up in Shall We Dance. I unfortunately haven't seen Happy Endings yet, but it's out now on DVD so some time soon! Oh, plus he's appeared off-broadway!


(Click to enlarge)

I most recently watched him in Snakes on a Plane as an FBI agent (I think) who is so serious and has absolutely no idea how ludicrous the whole snakes-on-a-plane situation is and that the story that's happening in the sky is one of the most outlandishly ridiculous ever. Coming up he appears in John Turturro's unreleased Romance & Cigarettes, Richard Linklater's Fast Food Nation, Justin Theroux's debut as a director Dedication and Brad Silberling's latest 10 Items or Less where he will be playing a character called Bobby. This will be the second time Bobby has played a character called Bobby (the other being Third Watch).


(click to enlarge)

He's an Emmy winner (for Will & Grace) and he has a penchant for playing gay roles or gay-friendly programs/films. Seriously he's "gone gay" in Will & Grace, Shall We Dance and Oz as well as appear on Six Feet Under, Sex & the City and been in The Night Listener and Happy Endings.


(click to enlarge)

So, yeah, I just wanted to share the love for Bobby. He don't get no respect, y'all. Enjoy the pictures of the Cannavale. You can find many more and more stuff about him over here or here. But, yeah, enjoy the rest of the Cannavale pictures. They're... hot as fuck (I was gonna be subtle, but no.) He's a major hottie! My personal faves are the last two below plus the one at the very top of this entry. Just... omg. He totally rocks a suit. I had found some NQSFW pics but I lost them. Poor me. :( I think you can click the images below to make them bigger, too. Yay for that.









BTW, I do realise that he's half Italian/half Cuban, but I like to ignore that fact and just focus on the Italian side, okay?!

I am serious, but don't call be Shirley

So, I rewatched Flying High! (that's Airplane! to most of you guys) last night for, like, the thirtieth time. And you know what? It's still the funniest movie I've ever seen. Just non-stop hilarity. My favourite character is the extemely gay Johnny (Repunzal! Repunzal!). Every single line of his cracks me up, but the best bit is when he randomly jumped into frame, grabs the fat guy's belly and goes "And Leon is getting laaaaargeeeeer" LOL I have no idea why.

Also, am I whacked out crazy for thinking Robert Hays is a total dreamboat (i still love that word) in this movie? Like, I can't find any proof that he was good looking anywhere else but in this movie. Or maybe it's just my thing for uniforms striking up again.... hmmm (btw, the pictures don't do him justice)


The best scene is the one in the army hospital. Water spitting, Ethel Merman impersonaters played by Ethel Merman and the line "Headquarters! What is it?" "It's a big building with generals in it, but that's not important right now." LOVES IT.

But, still, after every viewing my two favourite lines in the whole movie?

"Oh Stewardess, I speak jive!"

and

"I haven't felt this awful since I saw that Ronald Reagan film!"

LOL! A+, really.

AFI Screenings - Reviews #1

This is the first batch of reviews from films screened at the AFI Festival of Film. I've been a bad festival-goer and skipped today's session of Suburban Mayhem. I had my reasons though! It was on at 10am, I would've had to catch the 8am train (on a Sunday!), and it's cheaper for me to just see the movie when it's released theatrically than spend the money on a taxi to the train station, then on the trainride there and back. Seriously. I didn't really wanna see it that badly anyway, despite what I said earlier. And the other two films on today (Candy and The Caterpillar Wish I had already seen. Anyway...

The Book of Revelation, dir. Ana Kokkinos
Plot: A talented male dancer (Tom Long) is kidnapped by three mysteriously disguised woman and held in a room where he is repeatedly raped and molested and forced to perform sexual acts for the women. Released 12 days later he has been changed into a shell of his former self, but soon enough starts to try and find the three women. His dance choreographer (Gretta Scacchi) and girlfriend (Anne Torv) become frustrated, but he soon falls in love with a new woman (Deborah Mailman) before his search leads him down an impossible path.

Verdict: An incredibly off-putting film, Ana Kokkinos' follow-up to Head-On is just as sexually confronting. The first act, before any of the sexual acts are seen in flashback during the second act, is very well made. Kokkinos' is definitely a very Melbourne-cenctric director. She used the streets of the Greek outer suburbs well in Head On and here she shows off the CBD and docklands areas wonderfully - the cinematography is superb. The mystery involving where Daniel (Long) has been starts off well, but as the second act begins and we are graphically shown his ordeal, it begins to go off the rails. I don't think these scenes had any of the impact that Kokkinos intended. And the fact that it is a male being put into this situation means absolutely nada because she manages to turn these women into objects and manages to degrade the actresses much more than she does to Long.

The final act though is much better again with the arrival of Deborah Mailman, an incredibly gifted actress who makes anything better simply by showing up! I actually found myself smiling during these scenes. The film obviously doesn't end all peachy and nice, but it worked. The performances are all excellent, except for Colin Friels as a detective trying to, at first, find Daniel and then playing a major part towards the end. He doesn't register on any levels, but Long impresses in his first majorly dramatic role and a very brave actor he is. Scacchi is well-cast as the brittle choreographer, and Mailmain shines as Julie, creating a character you geniunly feel for in only several scenes.

But, in the end, the middle act caused major problems for me. I think it may have been better to not show the sexual degredation, and leave it to our imaginations to imagine what on earth could have happened to this man. That's far more interesting. I am not sure the film plays as the psychological sexual drama that Kokkinos was trying for. It definitely had an effect on me, I'm still thinking about it today, but just like Head On, the film thinks it's more than it ultimately is. It definitely deserves it R18+ rating that's for sure. C+

Opal Dream, dir. Peter Cattaneo
Plot: Kellyanne (Sapphire Boyce) is a nine-year-old girl living in Coober Pedy with her parents and older brother has only two friends, Pobby and Dingan. They're imaginary and it's slowly making her family mad. One day her father decides to take the friends out with him to the opal farm where he works so he can pretend he lost them hoping she'll forget. Alas, through a series of events her father (Vince Colosimo) gets assused of trespassing on a fellow opal miner's land (a big no-no), Kellyanne becomes extremely sick, her mother (Jacqueline McKenzie) loses her job because the town starts to outcast the family. Soon though her brother (Christian Byers) decides to rally the town to help his sister. Feel good endings abound.

The Verdict: Well, this was a surprise! This film directed by The Full Monty's Peter Cattaneo wasn't even on my radar, but it turned out to be a pleasant delight. It's essentially a children's film, but one that adults will enjoy also (the full crowd I saw it with sure did). The opening scenes are awkward because watching this girl embarass herself isn't fun, but soon enough, like the characters in the film, you get worn down and it grows on you.

I can always tell whether I like a movie if a shameless saccharine final act gets to me. I more often hate grotesque endings where everything ends nice and all tied up with a pretty bow than like them, so if I like one it means the movie worked. The film's big scene is in the good ol' court house (aren't these sort've scenes played in court houses, like, 50% of the time?) and it works. You know these characters are in the right and you want them to succeed. I didn't find myself crying during the final scene though but there were some sniffles happening around me.

The performances, for the most part, are good Colosimo is great at the everyman type of role (and he looks bloody good in that singlet all sweaty and such) and it's always great seeing someone as talented as Jacqueline McKenzie not working is dumb tv pap like The 4400. The two young kids are hit and miss. I really liked the boy, Christian Byers. He had a charm that was delightful. The girl, however, didn't come off as well. If the girl was a better actress then the emotional payoff may have worked even more, but as it is she comes off as annoying more often than not. The townspeople (including David Field, Denise Roberts and Robert Menzies) are the traditional lot, but they're not cliched quirky like usual in Australian films. Overall though, I found this movie exceedingly pleasant and well-made (the score by recent Oscar nominee Dario Marianelli is sublime). It's definitely pitched at audiences the age of the two kids, but definitely doesn't stop at that. B

Em 4 Jay, dir. Alkinos Tsilimidos (no IMDb page)
Plot: Two drug addicts, Emma and Jay, make money to buy coke by putting of sex shows for perverts as well as other jobs. Soon enough they decide that robbing convenience stores and chemists is the way to go. Eventually they start rolling in money, but start getting cocky and raising the stakes. Before long they must face the consequences, but not before shooting enough coke to last a lifetime.

The Verdict: Wow, another drug film! I'm so excited*. (* denotes dripping with sarcasm). This film by Alkino Tsilimidos (the bad Tom White) is another one of his life-on-the-fringes tales involving hard edged people with odd senses of humour and filmed in a dark and grimy way. I didn't like the way this movie looked. It was ugly. I suppose that's the point, but it seemed as if the makers deliberately chose to make the streets (in places like St Kilda and Carlton that aren't hidious) look gross.

Luckily though, the film's characters are hopelessly clueless. While we're probably meant to feel sad for these characters, I found myself chuckling along with some of their exploits (the pig mask scene is very funny hah hah). The performances by Nik Barkla and Laura Gordon are good (actually, Gordon is really good!), but the performance of the film for me was Kat Stewart. Who in only 2 brief scenes gives her character (of Emma's sister) so much history and is even more fully realised than either of the two leads.

But, in the end, this whole story is dreadfully dreary. But as I said, the laughs (quite regular, actually) help keep it afloat and the performances are effective. I want that Kat Stewart woman to get a major role though. She was phenomenal. C+

Hunt Angels, dir. Alec Morgon
WOW! This was even more of an unexpected surprise than Opal Dream. This second film by director Alec Morgan (and his first in 24 years since Lousy Little Sixpence) is stunningly produced. It tells the tale of Rupert Kathner and Alma Brooks, who went to any methods to produce Australian films at a time when barely any were being made (as our cinemas were filled to the brim with American films, as all our cinemas were run by the American mafia), whether those methods were legal or illegal or devious or whatever. It shows how Rupert desperately just wanted to show Australian stories, his favourite was that of Ned Kelly and a large portion of the film details their making of two films. One about Kelly (The Glenrowan Affair) and another about a deceased woman whose identity was unknown.

The film's real treat is the way it is made. Actors Ben Mendlesohn and Victoria Hill (out next big thing I predict) play Rupert and Alma and are transported into historical photographs in black and white and sepia along with other actors, as well as flat out recreating events that happened. There are also traditional documentary bits such as talking heads and archival footage, but all of that is put in through interesting ways (newsreel footage is seen on a screen being watched by an audience). The look of the film is something like a cross between Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Sin City. It's truly stunning to look at. As it is, the performances are great fun with Mendelsohn and Hill clearly relishing their roles and the situation they're in.

The film, like any good documentary, is informative on a subject that is really interesting. The Australian film industry is something I obviously have a thing for, and it was great to see this movie and learn a little something but have it told to me through inventive methods. And it's another film under 90 minutes! Oh and it's hilarious at times. Seriously, a great fun doco. B+


So that's all for now. Audience reception was mixed on The Book of Revelation (about half the crown clapped at the end), very positive on Opal Dream (whole crowd clapped, wouldn't be surprised to see it get a Best Film nomination because a lot of other contenders are very serious types), negative on Em 4 Jay (nobody clapped, so nobody really liked it, but I'm sure some did but just not to any big levels) and also very positive on Hunt Angels (about 75% clapping).

Next week we have Last Train to Freo, 48 Shades, Raul the Terrible and the first collection of shorts (both film and animation).

Homo-politix

I heart Lily Tomlin. She's good value. She's in Australia at the moment on a comedy tour (a very brief one). I have to remember to set her interview on Enough Rope. Andrew Denton gives good interview and she's a hoot, so...
Anyway, I bring up the nine-to-fiver because of this article in which Lily comes out against US and Australian legislation against gay marriage. I didn't know she's been with her partner for 35 years, cause that's a long time y'all. She makes a point that I always come to when I'm debating the whole gay marraige thing - isn't it just people trying to fit into a straight lifestyle? I know there's tonnes of people that want it. I do too. But, I sort've don't wanna give the Politicians the satisfaction of being able to laugh about the first 'gay divorce' or whatever (most likely a celebrity. I can see the headlines '*N Sync Member says 'Bye Bye Bye' to Gay Marraige' or something equally puntastically bad). Like, it'd be as if no straight people had ever gotten divorced before. "This is what happens when you let homosexuals infiltrate a heterosexual ritual" or some bullshit, right?

Like, as I said, I'm all for homosexuals (both singles and couples) having equal rights as heterosexuals, but I just find it quite funny that after all these years of finally being able to come out to society and all that stuff that now we want to become just like them again. It certainly doesn't help though having insulting claptrap made about the subject and, essentially, demeans it and puts it on the level of farce. "Oh those wacky gays!"

I know that's not what it's all about, but that's just one of the many views I have floating around inside my wee little brain.

BTW, I had forgotten how awesome Finding Nemo was (and I just realised the link between Finding Nemo and this entry. It was completely by accident)

Glenn hates Shrek - and You should too!

Earlier this month RC from Strange Culture made a post about next Summer's trilogies (Pirates 3, Spidey 3, Bourne 3, Chris Tucker and 'that funny Asian Man' 3, Oceans 13, Shrek 3). I made a comment in the replies that I wished the Shrek franchise was dead (plz). He sent me an e-mail stating "Yikes, that's strong feelings...why do you want the Shrek franchise to die??" so I thought I'd respond on the blog cause... ya know, if I'm gonna vent about the abomination that is the Shrek movies, I should do so for your reading value.

Now, the original Shrek isn't that bad. I give it a comfy C grade. My first problem with it (and the sequel) is Cameron Diaz. Something Dreamworks Animation seems incapable of understanding is that STAR POWER does not equal GOOD VOCAL TALENT. Now, Eddie Murphy is enjoyable here (although I much prefer Ellen Degeneres in Finding Nemo thanks) and Mike Myers, as annoying as he is elsewhere, is only frustrating for the last few scenes where his voice started to grate. John Lithgow was probably the best cast voice here strangely. However, Cameron Diaz does NOT have a good voice for animation. For animation, your voice needs to be, not entirely unique, but, ya know, distinguishable from a million other voices. And if your voice is very "everyman" (say, like Albert Brooks in Finding Nemo) you need to add power to it. Add emotion. Add CHARACTER. I just thought it was Cameron Diaz.

Then there is the big giant massive hypocrisy that the film drowns in. First the blatant bludgeoning of Disney. Yes, Disney is ripe for joke-making but my god, this was (and I don't really use this term often for something like this) downright disrespectful. Yes, it's fine to poke some jokes at Disney but there gets to be a point where they're just making fun for the sake of it. Did they not realise that if it weren't for Disney (and Pixar) that Shrek wouldn't even exist. So, yes, I don't care two hoots if people make fun of Disney, but when an entire movie is just a big slap in the face to a company such as that it gets tiresome and offensive. I hated this.

Then there is the hypocrisy revolving around the character voiced by John Lithgow. Incase you didn't get it the first time around - HE'S SHORT!!!!!!!! OMG that's funny right? Yeah, it's hilarious. But, you see, if he were a grotesque ogre that'd be alright but HE'S SHORT!!!!!!! Essentially, I took it as saying "It's not cool to make fun of people's shortcomings... unless they are infact short" Don't insult Shrek, it's not his fault he's a hidious ogre, but feel free to mock the tiny man. I know people are gonna think I'm just being unduly harsh towards the film here, but really, that's what they're saying! Not necessarily that it's alright to insult short people, but they're saying that it's not right to make fun of certain people but it is alright to make fun of others.

Then there is the fact that Shrek is filled with pop culture references. I'd love to know if people are still laughing at the Matrix bit (omg SO funny... er...) I mean, just compare look at the movie connections (from IMDb). Ugh.

Thankfully though, the film actually gets some laughs in, but the fact that Monster's Inc lost to it at the Oscars is painful. In the end, Shrek is mean spirited, distasteful and lazy.

But then we get to the real disaster. The true disgusting work of movie-making. The movie that I dispise more than any other animation of the next decade. Shrek 2. I had such a violent reaction to this movie. I wanted to throw things at the cinema screen. I sat there slumped in my chair frustrated beyond belief. People were actually laughing at this. I felt like getting up and telling them to watch Ghostbusters or Spiderman or Alien (okay, the kiddies can't watch that), Seinfeld, The Wizard of Oz, Mission Impossible, The Fabulous Baker Boys, Flashdance... the list continues.

How is it that they got away with this movie? Was there a single solitary moment here that was the screenwriter's own material or did they literally take scenes, characters, dialogue and situations from other movies and hit them with a mallet into the form of Shrek 2? I even remember making an argument during the awards season that this movie shouldn't be considered as having an "Original Screenplay" because nothing in it was original (they considered Before Sunset "adapted" though for whatever reason. Thankfully the screenplay wasn't nominated anywhere). And all that stuff was before even getting into the fact that the general plot is, essentially, Meet the Parents. The makers don't even twist them around to make them appear original. It just takes them and throws them into the movie.

Then once I get off that high horse, I get on another and one that I discussed for the original but this time it's threefold. The voice talent. I love John Cleese and Jennifer Saunders and I like Julie Andrews, Rupert Everett. But, my god, these people should not do animation. I would've though Cleese would be a good fit for doing voice work but it didn't work that way. Jennifer Saunders is annoying and Julie and Rupert barely even register. And then of course there is the original returning cast. Diaz is still bland, Murphy is officially bugging me and Myers makes my blood boil. The only good one was Antonio Banderes, shamefully pilfering off his Zorro stuff as Puss in Boots. Yet, for whatever reason they make his character a non-issue in the second half! They seem to focus too long on the straight characters, which slows it all down dramatically. They're not funny.

Watching Shrek 2 made me have a renewed appreciation for the original Shrek. It made me realise that everything that was bad in the first could indeed be much much worse. Why should we have to sit through two hours of this to get to the same conclusion as the first movie (physical appearance isn't important blah blah). I don't think I laughed more than maybe two times. Shrek 2 is just not funny. The jokes are there but they don't work. And the rest of the time the filmmakers are being pretentious gits and trying to be serious and all drama-focused. WTF? They do NOT go together.

I don't see why Shrek 2 is any better than any other number of Scary Movie type movies. They're loosely stringed bits from other movies. Shrek 2 is even lazier than stupid that the original. I think the lowest of the lows though is the end. The absolute worst moment of animation I have ever seen occurs - and I am not guilty of hyperbole here. It really is that bad. It is at the very end (if I remember correctly) and involves the donkey and the cat singing, this is embarassing to say, "Livin' La Vida Loca". Yes, the song that was around in 1999. The song was dated before the original movie was out, let alone the sequel that came out in 2004 for crying out loud! Ugh. This bit was repulsive. Shame on your Gustavo Santaolalla, too!

So, yes, that is why I want the Shrek franchise to die. Right now. Is it too late for them to cancel Shrek the Third? I see that they are adding the following characters: King Arthur (voiced by Justin Timberlake) Merlin, Sir Lancelot, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, Cinderella and the further raping of Disney by Dreamworks... Snow White(!!)

...oy.

Now, I'm gonna go make dinner and watch Finding Nemo.

You're All Invited!

Invited? Invited to what I hear you say. Well, duh, haven't you heard the news? Vince Colosimo proposed to me today. It was so romantic. We're going to have a short engagement and get married in mid-Spring. It's going to be so pretty. And his (Italian) parents are going to cater and it's going to be so nice. I love Vince and I know he loves me too.



...wait, what?

Aww, poor Brucey Boy!

Apparently one of my favourite man on the planet Earth, that would be Bruce Springsteen y'all, has seperated from his wife. Does that mean he can come over to my house and sing for me, like, 24/7? Cause that'd be awesome kthnx

The Book of Revelation

...well, that was interesting.

I just got back from Ana Kokkinos' The Book of Revelation. Bizarre movie. Some good stuff. Some bad stuff. Lots of shots of Tom Long's penis. I'm not entirely sure what I think of it. At the moment it's a C+ but that could change. Weird, weird stuff.

Somebody give this movie an Oscar, already

Seriously. This is starting to get ridiculous.

Now this is a rerelease!

Sick of rereleases of old fuddy duddy movies? SURE! Then how bout this for ya appitite?

Original 'Nightmare' To Return To Theaters -- For Two Days

In advance of its release on DVD, Wes Craven's original Freddy Krueger horror flick A Nightmare on Elm Street will be shown in 124 theaters across the country for two days only, Sept. 20 and 21, New Line announced Wednesday. In addition to the digitally remastered film, the theaters will be showing a reel of "Freddy's Best Kills," from seven Krueger sequels -- a reel, said New Line studios, "that can be seen only in theaters during this special event." Tickets are being sold online by www.BigScreenBoxOffice.com for $10.00.

Man, how lucky are you guys? The original Nightmare isn't the best one (that would be Wes Craven's New Nightmare - that's it's proper name btw) but it's a very solid second. It'd be awesome to see this on the big screen as well as the kill thing. That'd be a hoot.

My favourite death scene from a Nightmare on Elm Street is, obviously, Johnny Depp's death sequence in the original. That is a classic. My favourite scene overall is that one in Wes Craven's New Nightmare that has Heather Langenkarp (playing herself remember) running across the eight-lane freeway. That was so well done.

Snakes on a LOL!

I went.
I watched.
I laughed my fuckin' arse off!

This Week in Australian Cinemas

A very slow week for new releases. Very. Fucking. Slow.


Snakes on a Plane, 2006, dir. Ellis
The first thing that I think of when I think of this movie is "LOL", cause that's basically what I've been typing everytime I say something about this movie. I admit, it looks like a hoot. There are snaked. And they're on a plane. And there's Samuel L Jackson! And there's gore and nudity! And it's everything I could hope for. I hope it's good. I'll be seeing it in a couple of hours. In case you can't tell, the above image is a still from Wes Craven's quite-spectacular 2005 plane-set horror thriller Red-Eye. Rachel McAdams has made way for Jackson and Cillian Murphy for a snake. Ain't it pretty!

Thank You For Smoking, 2006, dir. Reitman
While his father (Ivan Reitman) is out making shit movies (Evolution, My Super Ex-Girlfriend anybody?) it appears his son (Jason Reitman) is ready to become a talented guy. Thank You For Smoking definitely looks promising. I'll defo being seeing it. That cast is too good to pass! I think this movie will in some way play in the awards season. Could it pull a SAG Ensemble nod? (they did nominate Hustle & Flow and The Station Agent in previous years so never rule it out) or even a Globe nomination or two? We'll see.

Fearless, 2006, dir. Yu
This isn't really my favourite genre (I do love the Lee and Yimou ones though but that's the starf*cker in me. Plus, they're super good!). I just can't get excited about "Jet Li's Last Kung-Fu Movie!" or whatever they're advertising it as. I don't care. It's apparently pretty decent as these things go, and it's interesting to see Ronny Yu return from American guilty pleasure horror schlock like Bride of Chucky and Freddy Vs Jason to his homeland.

Unfolding Florence: The Many Lives of Florance Broadhurst, 2006, dir. Armstrong
A documentary about a designer of wallpaper? Sounds boring I hear you say! Well, not here (apparently). This wallpaper designer was an infamous society figure who claimed to be a British lady but was infact an Aussie country girl masquerading. And she was murdered and her death remains a mystery (the case has been reopened due to new evidence discovered by the makers). BTW, the director here is Gillian Armstrong! She and writer Katherine Thomson appear to have crafted one of the most interesting looking docos in a while. Using stills, animation, re-enactments, voiceover, etc to create a film. The photographic stills they use have been computer animated so that when the fictionalised voiceover (by Felicity Price) talks it appears the photo is talking too (like SOUTH PARK!) and etc. It definitely looks interesting. I wish it was nominated at the AFI so I could see it there, but I'm not sure if it was submitted. Definitely looks good!

BOX-OFFICE
1. Miami Vice (2)
2. You, Me & Dupree (4)
3. Hoodwinked (3)
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (7)
5. United 93 (1)
6. The Lake House (4)
7. Kenny (1)
8. Curious George (1)
9. Jindaybe (5)
10. The Sentinal (3)

Wow. What a bad week at the box-office! The Top 4 remains exactly the same as last week. Miami Vice falls an exact 50% to stay at #1 but #2, #3 and #4 falls 24%, 21% and 26% respectively. You'd think with so many movies opening in the states (wasn't it something like 12 movies in three weeks?) that SOME of them could open here. We got about 3 and that's it. Which is why movies like The Lake House at #6 have such good holds (down 34%).

United 93 makes a decent debut at #5 considering it's subject matter. Aussie film Kenny does well to open at #7 despite a typical Aussie lack of advertising. I mentioned last week how bizarre it was to withhold Curious George for half a year and then release it in non-school holiday time and so it flops, opening at #8 and doesn't even averager $1700 a cinema. Jindabyne again has the smallest fall in the top 10 (20%) followed by The Sentinal blahing it up at #10.

Outside of the Top 10, Thank You For Smoking does good in advance screenings, it could definitely open in the top 5 next week. Australian controversy magnet 2:37 makes a rather irksome debut at #12 on 55 screens and a $2,600 average. The fresh alligations against this film's director could make it sink without a trace or give it a new life. We'll see. Only other newcomers were Chaos with a pitiful $117,000 on 74 screens and Breakfast on Pluto debuts unranked with $33,000.

49 Up continues to do great stuff on limited arthouse screens while stuff like Ten Canoes, Brick, Confetti and Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna slide down.

Chicago Continues down the Chits + Latent Homosexuality

It appears the days of Gwen Verdon, Chita Rivera and Jerry Orbach are long gone. While the likes of Rita Wilson and Brooke Shields playing Roxie isn't that bad (I can see it with Rita, but not really with Brooke, but what do I know?) the casting of Usher as Billy Flynn was completely bizarre. Isn't he meant to be, ya know, older than 25 (or however old Usher is)

Now comes news that the role of Roxie Hart will be swapped again. And this one is just the icing on the cake. Will they give these roles to anybody?

Ashlee Simpson Set To Star in 'Chicago'

Ashlee Simpson will play murderous Roxie Hart in the stage production of Chicago in October. The 21-year-old has been offered the role and will join the cast of the show in either London or on the Broadway stage in New York City. A source close to Simpson tells American publication Us Weekly, "She will probably choose London." Earlier this year, Rita Wilson stepped into the role in New York. Although Simpson has little experience in musical theatre, she has been a back-up dancer on her sister Jessica's tour and had a role on US family drama 7th Heaven. The singer has said she wants to focus on her acting career.

From IMDb. WTF is happening there? And seriously, "acting career"? Was Undiscovered leaving cinemas after a record-breaking two weeks not enough of an indication? Anyway, moving on...

I also like this bit of news directly under it.

Routh Confirms Homosexuality* Engagement

Actor Brandon Routh has confirmed he is engaged to his girlfriend Courtney Ford. The 26-year-old Superman Returns star fell for Ford when they starred together in the 2004 short film Denial. Routh proposed earlier this month and the couple plan to marry in the autumn of 2007. Routh's publicist Kacey Spies says, "They are very happy."

LOL. God, is there anything on this Earth that is better than IMDb Celebrity News? They have the funniest stories on there.

I mock the IMDb a lot, but I do so with love. How can you not think the IMDb is the best website ever?

*Stale Popcorn would like to publicly state that they don't actually think Brandon Routh is gay, but they do think it is fun to indulge in idle gossip. Plus his name rhymes with "mouth" and that's sorta funny. The writers(?) of Stale Popcorn think the Routh is too bland for the gay world, but he is pretty. I just wish his hair moved more often. It's kinda creepy.

For you viewing pleasure here some pictures previously seen on Stale Popcorn having fun with Superman's obvious totally not-real homosexual context.

Glenn's 25 Favourite TV Characters Ever...

Why yes, of course! I can't let everybody else have all the list-making fun! By "others" i mean Ja, Lulu, Nat, Joss Whedon (YES!) and, well, everyone else who has read TV Squad recently.

Unfortunately I can't remember how much I liked shows like "Murphy Brown" and those sorts cause I was a wee child, but

The Rules
The RULES are...

No puppets or cartoons.
No mini-series.
No reality show people.
All characters must be regulars on the show.

Honourable Mentions (ones I REALLY wanted to put on): Victor Meldrew (One Foot in the Grave), Basil Fawlty (Fawlty Towers), Darlene Conner (Rosanne), Rose Nylund (The Golden Girls), Lindsay Bluthe (Arested Development), Gina and John (The Games), Ricky Wong (We Can Be Heroes), Elliot (Scrubs), Samantha Jones (Sex and the City), Nina Van Horn (Just Shoot Me...)

25. Nicole Julian (Tammy Lynn Michaels) in Popular
One of the best tv-bitches ever, Nicole Julian is a constant laugh-riot factory. "Sure, I'll put Carmen on the squad... when Hell freezes over and/or Melissa Joan Hart gets nominated for an Oscar" OMGLOL!

24. Sherry Palmer (Penny Johnson) in 24
Another pure unadulterated bitch and I love it. I started watched season three but it just wasn't the same.

23. Larry David (Larry David) in Curb Your Enthusiasm
The defining moment for me with Curb Your Enthusiasm was the episode with the browsing. I WAS BROWSING!!!!

22. Roz (Peri Gilpin) in Frasier
The most unapreciated of the Frasier cast, Roz is actually my favourite. She doesn't always get the good lines herself but she gets a lot of good lines ABOUT her and that's why she's priceless. Oddly enough, she was due to be played by Lisa Kudrow who instead went to play Phoebe Buffet who is coming up later!

21. Marie Barone (Doris Roberts) in Everybody Loves Raymond
I know a lot of you guys hate this show, but I'll be damned if Doris Roberts didn't deserve every single prize she won. She is absolutely hysterical.

20. Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) in The X-Files
I was a big X-Files fan back in the day (ya know, when it was good) and Scully was always my favourite. I always prefer the brainy female to the man (as you'll see, there is only one male character in my Top 15!)

19. Sophie Petrillo (Estelle Getty) in The Golden Girls
Blanche: We just rented that movie Aliens, it scared us half to death.
Sophia: I found it scary too. That Sigourney Weaver is a sweet girl but she really shouldn't go without makeup.

Nuff said.

18. Anya (Emma Caulfield) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I'm still reeling from her death, okay! My favourite Anya moment is her fear of bunnies getting the best of her during "I've Got A Theory" in the musical episode. IT MUST BE BUNNIES! BUNNIES! BUNNIIIIEEES!

17. Mike Moore (Rob Sitch) in Frontline
Most of you guys wouldn't have even heard of this Australian comedy but my god is it funny! Rob Sitch is priceless as the hapless idiot current affairs host.

16. and 15. Jack McFarland (Sean Hayes) and Karen Walker (Megan Mullaley) in Will & Grace
Yes, he didn't change his character at all during the entire series, and yes he got annoying after a while, but for the first five or so series, Jack was comedy GOLD! JACK 2000, bitches. Karen? Well, Karen is clearly one of the funniest characters ever in a sitcom. No argument.

14. Willow (Allyson Hannigan) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
As much as I liked Willow when she went all dark witch and then started to actually do physical stuff, I have a soft spot for her first two or three years when she's a lame high schooler who knows about books and computers. I loved Willow during this time and she embraces the Scooby Spirit.

13. Ellenor Frutt (Camryn Manheim) in The Practice
The Practice was the best show on tv for at least two years. It was during the whole head-in-the-suitcase trial and all that stuff with the killer dressed as a nun (OMG BEST SURPRISE ENDING EVER kthnx). Ellenor was always my favourite. I really felt for her. Whenever she'd get on her soap box about how much money she earned I would cheer with her "Yeah! You do deserve more money than Eugene!

12. Mary Cherry (Leslie Grossman) in Popular
My god, how funny is Mary Cherry? PRETTY FUCKIN' FUNNY, that's how much! I love her in the musical season one finale "Mary Cherry, you carry around a vile of ecoli poisoning in her bag?" "A girl never knows when she's gonna have to lose the odd fifty pounds" She's a classic.

11. Phoebe Buffet (Lisa Kudrow) in Friends
Without a doubt one of the funniest characters ever. I just wish they didn't turn her all normal in the last few seasons. But who can ever forget "Smelly Cat"?

10. Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter) in Arrested Development
LUCILLE: I care for all my kids equally!
(cut to one week earlier)
LUCILLE: I don't care for Gob...

HYSTERICAL! I love her scream whenever Bob Parmasan shows up! That's hilarious.

9. Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) in Twin Peaks
Do I really need to justify this? Coffee and pie!

8. Clare Fisher (Lauren Ambrose) in Six Feet Under
I seriously felt like I grew up with Clare. Clare makes me wish I was a struggling bohemian artist doing drugs and having lots of sex, she's that cool. Except for the whole boyfriend turning out to be psychopath thing (and boyfriend having sex with her male teacher thing)...

7. Hyacinth Bucket (Patricia Routledge) in Keeping Up Appearances
Aww, poor Hyacinth. All she wants is to be well thought of in an upper-class social scene, but alas it was never to be. The woman who pronounces her name "bouquet" never fails to get laughs, whether it's making up elaborate stories to disguise her white trash leanings, constantly making her neighbour spill her tea or telling stories about her gay son who she clearly has no idea about.

6. Catherine Martell (Piper Laurie) in Twin Peaks
The best traditional villain! I love her so much, she's my favourite Twin Peaks resident. My favourite moment though is when she is forced to beg for help from her husband. God she's good.

5. Ja'mie King (Chris Lilley) in We Can Be Heroes
The best bitch EVER!!! Quite simply the funniest thing to come out of Australia in a decade, Ja'mie is non-stop laughs. Whether she's describing her sponsor children ("I call this one Brown Eyes because of the brown eyes") or just talking about how insanely hot she is ("I didn't ask to be born hot"), she never fails to entertain. And we have Ja'mie to thank for making "Fugly Slag" the best catchphrase of last year.

4. Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Just listen to the way she rolls that awesome dialogue off her tongue. How she got ignored so often by awards groups is beyond me. But Buffy is Buffy and we have her forever. Except season six. That was depressing (apart from Once More With Feeling)


3. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak (Bea Arthur) in The Golden Girls
Hands down, the funniest character on the list. Every single line, essentially, sends me into fits of laughter. Sarcasm has never been funnier.

Rose: I wish there was something I could do... I know! I'll make my world-famous ice cream clown sundaes! You know, the kind with the little raisin eyes and the sugar cone caps.
Dorothy: Wow, Rose, if that doesn't fill the void, nothing will.

2. Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) in Veronica Mars
I'm pretty adament that this is one of the greatest characterisations ever. I love Veronica Mars, she's hilarious. There's not really much else to say.

1. Elaine Benes (Julia Louis Dreyfus) in Seinfeld
I'm speechless. I am without speech! Seriously, everything about her is hilarious. From the Peurto Rican Day Parade, to the Pez Despenser, the dancing, throwing the toupee out of the window... comedy GOLD, people!

I'd also like to give a shoutout to Christine (Sandra Oh) from Grey's Anatomy and Brenda Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) from The Closer who are fast on their way to becoming all time favourites. They make good tv, y'all. And in the spirit of Nat's version of the list I present to you the two hottest characters for me on tv at some point or another.


Sheriff Truman (Michael Ontkean) from Twin Peaks and McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey) from Grey's Anatomy. I have a totally unnatural crush on Twin Peaks' local law enforcer. And I'd like to put it on record that I thought Dempsey was all sorts of hot and dreamy *before* Grey's Anatomy. Before the show started I was even commenting to friends that it had Patrick Dempsey and that he was, indeed, dreamy so I'm not like the rest of these people in heat at the thought of him in scrubs. I thought he was mcspecial before Grey's. So... yeah.

SLUT PRIDE!

I DID IT! No, I didn't get a compound hip fracture while giving a wholey inappropriate (and illegal, I believe) lapdance, but I purchased the VIP Edition of Showgirls on DVD. OMG! I've wanted this for so long. I really wanted to watch it tonight, but was all "AAGH! I don't own it! Why didn't I buy it before?" and then I decided to buy it.

Alas, I got my fill of frank discussions about sex and vaginas from Margaret Cho. God, I love Margaret Cho. "Hi my name is Gwen, and I'm here to WAAAAAAAAAASH your vagina."

God, I said "vagina" twice in this entry.

Wait, make that three.

I really need to go sleep... now... or now...

Movie Connections

One thing I find usually monotonous, but occasionally hilarious is the IMDb's Recommendations section at the bottom of a movie's page. Sometimes their suggestions are completely ridiculous. Why would I like 50 First Dates if I liked American Beauty? (that has since changed, but it was funny at the time).

So imagine my delight when I came across this.


Want to know what movie that recommendation is from? Have a peek.

LOL! I know, right? How are those two linked at all? It's funny to go through the recommendations and see where it takes you. If you go to Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill you get a recomendation for Catch Me If You Can (alright) and that has the recommendation for The Godfather Trilogy. Unfortunately, whenever you go to the Trilogy page the recommendation there is The Godfather Part II and the recommendation there? The Godfather Trilogy and it never changes. Sad.

Material Girls
\/
The Muppets Valentine Show - LOL!! WTF? It has Mia Farrow as "Herself"... yeah, that doesn't make this connection any less bonkers.
\/
Trick or Treat - A horror movie coming out later in the year...? How odd.
\/
The Muppet's Valentine Show - Again. How does this get links from Material Girls and a horror movie about Halloween? Not even Valentine that lame movie starring Angel David Boreanez.

Chinatown
\/
LA Confidential - duh. This works...
\/
Sin City - ...this does not
\/
Beyond Re-Animator - I dunno. I haven't seen Beyond Re-Animator
\/
Re-Animator - ...or Re-Animator. Nice linking IMDb!
\/
Beyond Re-Animator - aww, this one was going off the rails so fast why did it have to end so soon?

Brokeback Mountain
\/
American Beauty - It sorta works in one way or another. At least they're both great movies!
\/
City of God - This connection I'm not understanding at all. But, again, at least they're both great movies!
\/
Goodfellas - Now this works!
\/
The Godfather Trilogy - I know where this is going
\/
The Godfather: Part II - Sad
\/
The Godfather Trilogy - Oh well. At least these were all great movies!!

Let's try one more and see if we can get one that goes so far off the rails that I can't keep track. Let's start with my all time favourite guilty pleasure movie!

Showgirls
\/
Emmanuelle - LOL... this makes sense. "Emmanuelle is a beautiful young model and lives in Bankok [sic] together with her husband Jean, who's several years older..." :\/
Sex Court: The Movie - There's a SEX COURT MOVIE?!?!?#$$(#@?~! How did I not know about this?! It only has a 3.5 rating too?! Say it ain't so...
\/
Playboy: Twins & Sisters Too - Wait, Wait, Wait... these girls are not only TWINS but SISTERS too? Holy crap! My brain can't comprehend how two girls could be twins AND sisters. Like... what?
\/
Playboy: Girls in Uniform - I'm partial to a nice uniform (they're hot, okay!?) but not these kind. I love that it's classified as a "Documentary"! "Let's document Daphne Duplaix's vagina!" BTW that Daphne chick is actually in Girls in Uniform AND "Passions". Way to go Daphne!
\/
Playboy: Twins & Sisters Too - aww man, these links were GOLD why did it have to end? Oh well, I wonder in Melo and Mona Wong are twins AND sisters? Cause that'd be trippy.

...I think I need sleep.

Tit for Tat

So, I've been saying for a while now that Ray Lawrence's Jindabyne is a freakin' excellent stunning movie, yet there was no news on any international release, which I found strange because it stars Laura Linney and Gabriel Bryne (and Hugh Jackman's wife!). But I read today that Sony Classics has picked it up. It'll be released in Spring, which is... what for you guys? March? I dunno. That's a shame. The movie is so bloody good that it deserves a good release. Ugh. I hope this doesn't go down as another dismal Australia-to-US release. There's been too many of them already (how they bungled Little Fish is a mystery that nobody will ever be able to understand).


BUT, of course, I saw the movie a while back. But, alas, for every 1 good movie Australia gets early, the US gets about 20,344,303,099,284,340,001 titles before us. I hope hope hope that titles such as Sofia Coppola's Marie-Antoinette and Pedro Almodovar's Volver get released here soon after their US release, but the title that I am most annoyed with is David Lynch's The Inland Empire. I just know this movie will be out here months after after it is in the US (much like Mulholland Drive was). After reading the description below I just... ugh! I want this movie NOW YOU MOTHERFUCKERS (on a plane?)

The Inland Empire
David Lynch, France / USA

A Polish woman looks, intently, into someone or something ... an actress (Laura Dern) is warned that her new movie is cursed ... a rabbit-headed family perform sit-com actions on a stage set as if engaged in a solemn ritual ... Such are just a few of the elements and recurrent motifs of The Inland Empire, a mesmerizing surge through countless looking glasses that lands us on the far side of the land of nightmares. Lynch’s first foray into high-definition video is just as visually stunning as his work in 35mm, but the long gestation period of his new film (he shot on and off over two years, and wrote as he went) has allowed him to give his own uniquely epic form to many of his primary concerns: the exploitation of young women, the mutability of identity, the omnivorousness of Hollywood.

Hollywood, Laura Dern, Rabbits, Mystery, Exploitation of young women, Mutability of identity? Sounds like David Lynch to me! Fuck, if I have to wait until March to see this movie I'm gonna throw something at somebody (most likely Hannah).

LOL.

That last bit there was a reference to when we were watching the 2003 Oscars and I said if Renee Zellweger won I'd throw something at Hannah. She did and I did. A pillow, but nonetheless... Hannah. You better hope this movie gets here soon! And Georgie too. I'll throw a pen at you or something.

:P

American cult director praises Thalluri

American cult director praises Thalluri
Wednesday Aug 23 20:08 AEST
American cult director Kevin Smith has thrown his support behind Australian filmmaker Murali Thalluri, who has been accused of fabricating the suicide note which inspired his movie 2:37.

The young first-time director says the film was inspired by a video suicide note sent to him from an Adelaide friend, known only as Kelly, before she took her life.

Media reports claim no suicides occured in Adelaide on the day of the alleged incident, but Thalluri maintains he simply did not want to reveal the victim's identity in order to protect her family.

"That movie carries a pretty powerful and meaningful message," said Smith, in town to promote his new film, Clerks II.

"It is a really good-looking flick and very assured for a dude who hasn't made a bunch."

Smith met Thalluri at the Cannes Film Festival in May, attending the world premiere.

The film 2:37, set in a high school, explores the themes of suicide and the way individuals are perceived, inter-cutting drama with characters talking to the camera about issues such as rape, sexuality, drugs and suicide.

Critics have said the film is too similar to American director Gus Van Sant's movie Elephant.

"All my stuff is influenced by something else to some degree," said Smith, who directed such cult films as Chasing Amy, Clerks, Mallrats and Dogma.

"It is tough to avoid an influence of any sort and Christ, if you are going to be influenced by a movie of any sort, why not Elephant?

"It would be different if this dude was influenced by Porky's ... comparing it to Elephant is high praise."

Thalluri's film is in cinemas now and has been classified R18+ by the Australian Office of Film and Literature Classification, meaning those under 18 years of age can't see the film.

Smith said he couldn't understand the rating, which precluded those Thalluri was trying to help.

"I wouldn't see it as being an R-rated flick ... there was nothing really that hardcore in it where you needed to keep it away from underage folks," he said.

"It is intended for that audience. Slapping an R rating on it means it doesn't have the potential of reaching the audience it was intended for."

As well as Smith, Thalluri has impressed some major Hollywood filmmakers.

He's had meetings with Harvey Weinstein, who offered him the director's chair for an upcoming thriller.

Thalluri turned that down, but is slated to direct a multi-million dollar film in New York with some big names later this year.

Smith said Thalluri has a lot of potential.

"You look at 2:37 and it seems like it is made by a hand that had some story telling experience," said Smith.

"That is nothing short of amazing."

Top 5s of Music

The song countdown is over, but I thought I'd do a little epiloge thing. I thought I'd give my top 5 of certain artists because I believe only 2 had five appearances on the countdown.

Madonna
1. "Vogue", OST Dick Tracy: I'm Breathless
2. "Into the Groove", OST Desperately Seeking Susan
3. "Live to Tell", True Blue
4. "Oh, Father", Like a Prayer
5. "Express Yourself", Like a Prayer

Bruce Springsteen
1. "Streets of Philadelphia", OST Philadelphia
2. "I'm On Fire", Born in the U.S.A.
3. "Tunnel of Love", Tunnel of Love
4. "Lonesome Day", The Rising
5. "Dancing in the Dark", Born in the U.S.A.

Björk
1. "Bachelorette", Homogenic
2. "All is Full of Love", Homogenic
3. "New World", OST Dancer in the Dark: Selmasongs
4. "Enjoy", Post
5. "5 Years", Homogenic

Prince
1. "Purple Rain", Purple Rain
2. "Raspberry Beret", Around the World in a Day
3. "Let's Go Crazy", Purple Rain
4. "Little Red Corvett", 1999
5. "Take Me With U", Purple Rain

Kate Bush
1. "Wuthering Heights", The Kick Inside
2. "Top of the City", The Red Shoes
3. "Sunset", Aerial: A Sky of Honey
4. "Babooshka", Never For Ever
5. "Running Up That Hill", Hounds of Love

The Velvet Underground
1. "Venus in Furs", The Velvet Underground & Nico
2. "Heroin", The Velvet Underground & Nico
3. "What Goes On", The Velvet Underground Live 1967
4. "All Tomorrow's Parties", The Velvet Underground & Nico
5. "Rock & Roll", Loaded

New Order
1. "True Faith", Substance 1987
2. "Age of Consent", Power, Corruption, Lies
3. "Ceremony", Substance 1987
4. "Blue Monday", Power Corruption, Lies
5. "Vanishing Point", Technique

Janet Jackson
1. "Love Will Never Do (Without You)", Rhythm Nation 1814
2. "Escapade", Rhythm Nation 1814
3. "Again", Janet and OST Poetic Justice
4. "What Have You Done For Me Lately?", Control
5. "Someday is Tonight", Rhythm Nation 1814

Hole
1. "Boys on the Radio", Celebrity Skin
2. "Miss World", Live Through This
3. "Softer, Softest", Live Through This
4. "Awful", Celebrity Skin
5. "Celebrity Skin", Celebrity Skin

Michael Jackson
1. "Smooth Criminal", Bad
2. "Dirty Diana", Bad
3. "Thriller", Thriller
4. "Remember the Time", Dangerous
5. "Human Nature", Thriller

Aaliyah
1. "Miss You", I Care 4 U
2. "If Your Girl Only Knew", One in a Million
3. "U Got Nerve", Aaliyah
4. "Try Again", OST Romeo Must Die
5. "Are You Feelin' Me?", OST Romeo Must Die

Donna Summer
1. "I Feel Love", I Remember Yesterday
2. "MacArthur Park", Bad Girls
3. "Love to Love You Baby", Love to Love You Baby
4. "This Time I Know It's For Real, Another Time and Place
5. "I Love You", Once Upon a Time...

The Shangri-Las (I have no idea about their albums, it's a big vague)
1. "Remember (Walking in the Sand)"
2. "Leader of the Pack"
3. "Out in the Streets"
4. "The Train From Kansas City"
5. "Give Him a Great Big Kiss"

Blonde/Deborah Harry
1. "I Want That Man" (Harry), Def, Dumb & Blonde
2. "Hangin' on the Telephone" (Blondie), Parallel Lines
3. "Rapture" (Blondie), Autoamerican
4. "Heart of Glass" (Blondie), Parallel Lines
5. "French Kissin' in the U.S.A." (Harry), Rockbird

Kylie Minogue
1. "Put Yourself in My Place", Kylie Minogue
2. "Your Disco Needs You", Light Years
3. "Can't Get Blue Monday Out of my Head", Fever (B-Side)
4. "Hand On Your Heart", Enjoy Yourself
5. "Sweet Music", Body Language

Sugababes
1. "Freak Like Me", Angels with Dirty Faces
2. "Hole in the Head", Three
3. "Colder in the Rain", Three (B-Side)
4. "Maya", Three
5. "Red Dress", Taller in More Ways

Cher
1. "We All Sleep Alone", Cher
2. "I Found Someone", Cher
3. "Just Like Jesse James", Heart of Stone (OMG shut up! it's awesome and you know it!!!)
4. "Save Up All Your Tears", Love Hurts
5. "Walking in Memphis", It's a Man's World

ABBA
1. "Take a Chance on Me", The Album
2. "Dancing Queen", Arrival
3. "Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)", Voulez Vous
4. "Mamma Mia", ABBA
5. "Knowing Me, Knowing You", Arrival

Aretha Franklin
1. "Ain't No Way", Lady Soul
2. "Think", Aretha Now
3. "Respect", I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You
4. "I Knew You Were Waiting For Me" (feat. George Michael), Aretha
5. "(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman", Lady Soul

White Stripes
1. "The Nurse", Get Behind me Satan
2. "Seven Nation Army", Elephant
3. "I Think I Smell a Rat", White Blood Cells
4. "In the Cold Cold Night", Elephant
5. "This Protector", White Blood Cells

George Michael
1. "Killer/Papa was a Rolling Stone", Five Live EP
2. "Father Figure", Faith
3. "Freedom 90", Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1
4. "Flawless (Go to the City)", Patience
5. "Praying for Time", Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1

Eurythmics
1. "You Have Placed a Chill in My Heart", Savage
2. "Beethoven (I Love to Listen To)", Savage
3. "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)", Sweet Dreams
4. "Right by Your Side", Touch
5. "Sex Crime (1984)", 1984: For the Love of Big Brother

Pet Shop Boys
1. "Flamboyant", Pop/Art
2. "West End Girls", Please
3. "I'm With Stupid", Fundamental
4. "So Hard", Behaviour
5. "What Have I Done to Deserve This?", Actually

and two artists that I was quite surprised didn't show up once on the countdown yet I absolutely love

INXS
1. "Never Tear Us Apart", Kick (I think this was an accident. Why did I forget this song?)
2. "Disappear", X
3. "Baby Don't Cry", Welcome to Whereever You Are
4. "Need You Tonight", Kick
5. "Bitter Tears", X

Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks
1. "Stand Back" (Nicks), The Wild Heart
2. "Everywhere" (Mac), Tango in the Night
3. "Say You Love Me" (Mac), Fleetwood Mac
4. "Ooh My Love" (Nicks), The Other Side of the Mirror
5. "Little Lies" (Mac), Tango in the Night

Glenn's Top 101 Songs of All Time: #1

First, let's take a look at the entire list again.

101-91
101. The Human League - "Don't You Want Me Baby?" (Dare, 1981)
100. Nirvana - "About a Girl" (Bleach, 1991)
99. Loleatta Holloway - "Love Sensation" (Love Sensation, 1980)
98. Yoko Ono - "Walking on This Ice" (Season of Glass, 1981)
97. Sophie B Hawkins - "Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover" (Tongues & Tails, 1992)
96. Sinéad O'Connor - "No Man's Woman" (Faith & Courage, 2000)
95. George Michael - "Father Figure" (Faith, 1987)
94. Peter Gabriel - "Solsbury Hill" (Peter Gabriel I, 1977)
93. Wendy Matthews - "The Day You Went Away" (Lily, 1992)
92. Prince - "Let's Go Crazy" (Purple Rain, 1984)
91. Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You" (OST The Bodyguard, 1992)

90-81
90. Dannii Minogue - "Disrememberance" (Girl, 1997)
89. Bronski Beat - "Smalltown Boy" (The Age of Consent, 1984)
88. Hole - "Miss World" (Live Through This, 1994)
87. Wendy Matthews - "Beloved" (Ghosts, 1997)
86. Gary Numan aka Tubeway Army - "Are 'Friends' Electric" (Replicas, 1979)
85. Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z - "Crazy in Love" (Dangerously in Love, 2003)
84. Basement Jaxx - "Romeo" (Rooty, 2002)
83. Eurythmics - "Beethoven (I Love to Listen To) (Savage, 1987)
82. Aaliyah - "Miss You" (I Care 4 U, 2002)
81. Dolly Parton - "9 to 5" (Nine to Five and Odd Jobs, 1980)

80-71
80. Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories - "Stay (I Miss You)" (OST Reality Bites, 1994)
79. Bruce Springsteen - "Dancing in the Dark" (Born in the U.S.A., 1984)
78. Janet Jackson - "Again" (Janet and OST Poetic Justice, 1993)
77. New Order - "Ceremony" (Substance 1987, 1987)
76. Aretha Franklin - "Respect" (I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You, 1967)
75. Liz Phair - "Explain it to Me" (Exile in Guyville, 1993)
74. ABBA - "Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)" (Voulez Vous, 1979)
73. George Michael - "Killer/Papa was a Rolling Stone" (Five Live EP, 1994)
72. Kylie Minogue - "Your Disco Needs You" (Light Years, 2000)
71. Madonna - "Crazy For You" (Like a Virgin, 1984)

70-61
70. Pet Shop Boys - "Flamboyant" (Pop/Art, 2004)
69. Liza Minelli - "Losing My Mind" (Results, 1989)
68. Thelma Houston - "Don't Leave Me This Way" (Any Way That You Like It, 1976)
67. Fiona Apple - "Not About Love" (Extraordinary Machine (bootleg copy), 2005)
66. New Order - "Age of Consent" (Power, Corruption & Lies, 1983)
65. Bruce Springsteen - "Lonesome Day" (The Rising, 2002)
64. Nico - "These Days" (Chelsea Girls, 1967)
63. Mariah Carey feat. Dru Hill - "The Beautiful Ones" (Butterfly, 1997)
62. Uncanny Alliance - "I Got My Education" (Uncanny Alliance, 1992)
61. M.I.A. - "Fire Fire" (Arular, 2005)

60-51
60. Donna Summer - "MacArthur Park" (Bad Girls, 1979)
59. Lauryn Hill - "Doo Wop (That Thing)" (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, 1998)
58. Blondie - "Hangin' on the Telephone" (Parallel Lines, 1978)
57. Groove Armada - "Easy" (LoveBox, 2002)
56. White Stripes - "The Nurse" (Get Behind Me Satan, 2005)
55. Cher - "I Found Someone" (Cher, 1987)
54. The Brothers Johnson - "Strawberry Letter 23" (Right on Time, 1977)
53. Annie Lennox - "Why" (Diva, 1992)
52. Kylie Minogue - "Put Yourself in My Place" (Kylie Minogue, 1994)
51. Eurythmics - "You Have Placed a Chill In My Heart" (Savage, 1987)

50-41
50. The Smashing Pumpkins - "Disarm" (Siamese Dream, 1993)
49. Visage - "Fade to Grey [12" Mix]" (Visage, 1980)
48. Aretha Franklin - "Think" (Aretha Now, 1968)
47. Machine - "There but for the Grace of God, Go I" (n/a, unknown)
46. Girls Aloud - "Biology" (Chemistry, 2005)
45. Prince - "Raspberry Berét" (Around the World in a Day, 1985)
44. The Supremes - "You Keep Me Hangin' On" (The Supremes Sing Holland-Dozier-Holland, 1966)
43. The Who - "Baba O'Reilly" (Who's Next?, 1971)
42. Madonna - "Express Yourself" (Like a Prayer, 1989)
41. Janet Jackson - "Escapade" (Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814, 1989)

40-31
40. Imogen Heap - "Hide & Seek" (Speak for Yourself, 2005)
39. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Maps" (Fever to Tell, 2003)
38. Randy Crawford with The Crusades - "Street Life" (Street Life, 1979)
37. Björk - "All is Full of Love" (Homogenic, 1997)
36. The Velvet Underground - "Venus in Furs" (The Velvet Underground & Nico, 1967)
35. Aretha Franklin - "Ain't No Way" (Lady Soul, 1967)
34. Aimee Mann - "Wise Up" (OST Magnolia, 1999)
33. Shawn Colvin - "Sunny Came Home" (A Few Small Repairs, 1996)
32. ABBA - "Dancing Queen" (Arrival, 1976)
31. Cher - "We All Sleep Alone" (Cher, 1987)

30-21
30. ABBA - "Take a Chance on Me" (The Album, 1978)
29. Cyndi Lauper - "Time After Time" (She's So Unusual, 1983)
28. Tom Tom Club - "Who Feelin' It [Phillip's Psycho Mix]" (OST American Psycho, 2000)
27. Gwen Stegani - "What You Waiting For?" (Love.Angel.Music.Baby., 2004)
26. Diana Ross - "I'm Coming Out" (n/a, 1980)
25. Janet Jackson - "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" (Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814, 1989)
24. Sugababes - "Freak Like Me" (Angels with Dirty Faces, 2002)
23. Bruce Springsteen - "Tunnel of Love" (Tunnel of Love, 1987)
22. Lauryn Hill - "Everything is Everything" (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, 1998)
21. Hole - "Boys on the Radio" (Celebrity Skin, 1998)

20-11
20. FatBoy Slim - "Song for Shelter" (Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars, 2000)
19. Deborah Harry - "I Want that Man" (Def, Dumb & Blonde, 1989)
18. Madonna - "Oh, Father" (Like a Prayer, 1989)
17. Concrete Blonde - "Joey" (Bloodletting, 1980)
16. Andrea True Connection - "More More More" (More More More, 1976)
15. Björk - "Bachelorette" (Homogenic, 1997)
14. Madonna - "Live to Tell" (True Blue and OST At Close Range, 1986)
13. Simple Minds - "Don't You (Forget About Me)" (OST The Breakfast Club, 1985)
12. Bruce Springsteen - "I'm On Fire" (Born in the U.S.A., 1984)
11. The Shangri-Las - "Remember (Walking in the Sand)" (Leader of the Pack, 1964)

10-2
10. New Order - "True Faith" (Substance 1987, 1987)
9. Madonna - "Into the Groove" (OST Desperately Seeking Susan, 1985)
8. Donna Summer - "I Feel Love" (I Remember Yesterday, 1977)
7. Michael Jackson - "Smooth Criminal (Bad, 1987)
6. Kate Bush - "Wuthering Heights" (The Kick Inside, 1978)
5. Prince - "Purple Rain" (Purple Rain, 1984)
4. Bruce Springsteen - "Streets of Philadelphia" (OST Philadelphia, 1993)
3. Kim Carnes - "Bette Davis Eyes" (Mistaken Identity, 1981)
2. Massive Attack - "Unfinished Symphony" (Blue Lines, 1991)


1.
Artist: Madonna
Song: Vogue
Album: OST Dick Tracy (I'm Breathless)
Watch The Video
What a you looking at? God, how do I love that intro. Followed by a seductive synth and that clicking. A drum and then THE line. Strike a pose.

Madonna has made many classics (duh) but "Vogue" is without a doubt my favourite. It emcompasses everything I love about Madonna's music. It's dancey, it's poppy, it's celebratory, it's fun, it's life-affirming music at it's best. I'm not exactly sure how she did, but she crafted the finest piece of pop music. As she says, "don't just stand there, let's get to it. Vogue." Who hasn't had the impulsive desire to get up and dance. To strike a pose? It doesn't matter if you make an ass of yourself, but it matters that you "let your body groove to the music." The video atests to this fact.

I remember seeing this video clip multiple times every weekend. On both Saturday and Sunday shows on "Video Hits" as well as Rage. I had it taped on VHS along with my other favourite videos and watch it a lot. I had seen a few Madonna clips before "Vogue" (mostly from her Like a Prayer album and some others that my mum had on VHS) but this was the first one that I got who MADONNA was. The video clip is great, one of my top 5, directed by David Fincher.

My favourite part of the song is actually the tribute to the golden era. "Greta Garbo and Monroe. Deitrich and Demagio..." I don't know why. It's just awesome.

So seriously, do as Madonna says and "Get up on the dance floor!" You know you want to.