An Open Letter To Everyone Who Didn't See Grindhouse

Dear People Who Didn't See Grindhouse,

From the bottom of my heart I thank you. I thank you a thousand times over. Thank you for completely fucking us over. Thank you for ruining it for everyone else. Thank you for destroying one of my most anticipated moviegoing events of the year. Thank you for making us pay double to see what you could have seen for the price of one. Thanks a lot. I hope you're really freakin' happy!

Love, Glenn

PS; If you didn't see Grindhouse but frequently have good taste in films then you are exempt from my burning hatred. The rest though... I hope their eyes explode from watching Norbit on DVD too many times.

From MovieHole

As discussed in this weeks Caffeinated Clint, the heavily anticipated "Grindhouse" has been pulled from its May release slot in Australia and postponed till later in the year - at which time it will be split into two separate movies.

Roadshow Film Distributors confirmed this today, in the following email :

In keeping with the theatrical release plans for all territories outside of the US, GRINDHOUSE will now be released as two separate theatrical features:
DEATH PROOF directed by Quentin Tarantino and PLANET TERROR directed by Robert Rodriguez.
Quentin Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF is premiering in the Cannes Film Festival in May. The Australian release of DEATH PROOF will be later in the year and will be followed by the release of PLANET TERROR.

Sad indeed. How about we fuck off a few of the Norbits, Night at the Museum's and Wild Hogs' and make way for some original, fine-ass, content again? I suppose we should probably start with writing in a new rule for studio employees : 'no former accountants to play studio development chiefs'.

Also, they're remaking Fame. I... I... I... *cries*

Announcement

LOL. I totally make it sound like it's even remotely interesting. It's about my "annual" awards, The UMAs. Let it be known I am only going to see two more 2006 films theatrically - Inland Empire and Curse of the Golden Flower because I want to see them for myself, not because I think I should just so I can add one person to the Best Actor category (that means you Ryan Gosling). I figure, by April that I just have to cut them off unless I really want to see them (such as those two films I mentioned). So that means there will be no Half Nelson, Running with Scissors, The Painted Veil (I really did want to see this but it has no release date. If it suddenly gets released within the next month I'll totally see it though), Sherrybaby, Fur (YES, even though it's Nicole), Three Times, The Science of Sleep, The Dead Girl (I did really want to see it but the time has passed) or a few others.

There's a few more that I just won't get to see such as Venus, Letters From Iwo Jima (ugh, I really wanted to see this one too), Blood Diamond, etc. You can blame bad distribution for some and disinterest for others. I can't see everything! I'll choose to see some of these on DVD and adjust the awards when I do, but... yeah. Don't expect them to be getting any prizes this time around despite high praise from places (and Oscar nominations for some). I blame the distributors for not releasing stuff like Half Nelson when it had Oscar buzz. They've lost my $12 now. And I only have illegal DVDs (thanks Par! thanks Georgie!) for being able to see Dixie Chicks: Shut Up & Sing and Factory Girl. At least that's something. I wish they'd just release movies like Fur or The Dead Girl as direct-to-DVD. At least we'd get to see them.

I still have some 2006 films to see on DVD that are in my QuickFlix queue, stuff like The Wind that Shakes the Barley, Spellbound 2 Wordplay, BoyTown, Art School Confidential (I know it's supposedly shithouse, but it's Zwigoff!) and some others.

But. Yeah. Hopefully when Inland Empire finally gets here I'll be able to do my awards, because that's probably the only movie left that even has a hope to disrupting the major categories (Picture, Director, Actress specifically). By the way, I have finally decided on a concrete final five for my Best Picture category should Inland Empire not make it. I was umming and aahing over what the last slot should go to, but I decided and it's delightfully off-centre (no, not The Black Dahlia) so I'm happy now. Although that final spot in the director category is up for grabs still. Best Actress is still tricky but I think I've got it, although as mentioned, Laura Dern could throw a wrench into the works. Supporting Actor is, typically, a big fat mess with only one performance that I just wanna surround myself in, but I think there's a surprise or two in there (rock stars! mutes! non-performers! but that could still change).

edit: So, I'm scrapping Inland Empire from the awards. Reasoning? Well, turns out the movie has a new Aussie release date. It makes me wanna throw up (JUNE 21!!) So, I think when I see Golden Flower (out in 2 weeks I think) I'm just gonna go ahead with the UMAs because I'm not waiting until bloody JUNE! Ugh. I tellsya. The lineup is still pretty good though and there's good films represented throughout so the omission of Inland Empire won't be felt that badly. But still. I totally expected it to play a somewhat major part. Oh well.

...

...*explodes*

It's not on their official site, but the mere fact that DendyFilms have picked up Inland Empire for distributions means it won't be 2010 by the time we get to see it. This mysterious April 26 date mentioned on the IMDb forum sounds logical. Well, that it's a Thursday (the day that movies are released here) is the only real clue, but it feels legit.

Man, if that is true though... April 26 can't come soon enough. I'll catch the train up and see the very first session. eeeeeee! So excited. Also, The Notorious Bettie Page is out on March 1. We're finally getting it!!!

Stuff.

Could I be any more excited for Happy Feet? The answer is yes. If they were releasing it in Australia at the same time as the US. Lest we forget that this is actually an Australian co-production (just like Moulin Rouge!, which we got before the states) so I don't know why they're with-holding it from us until Boxing Day. Thanks a bunch.

Although, thanks to my friend Simon, I now know that Lars Von Trier's Manderlay is finally being released here in a week or so. Of course, it's probably shithouse, but 'tev. At least we're getting it, unlike the following titles which, according to Movie Marshall, don't even have distribution for Australia (theatrical or direct-to-video).

Akeela and the Bee
An American Haunting
Bubble
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Down in the Valley
Find me Guilty
Mini's First Time
Shadowboxer
Sherrybaby
The Baxter
The Merchant of Venice
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
Wassup Rockers

and there's plenty more where they came from.

I Hate People

Let me change that: I hate distributers who feel the need to torture me by not releasing movies in Australia at the same time as America (okay, you can keep Santa Clause 3, but the others I want NOW, dammit. What advantage do they get by holding Volver until Dec. 21?)

This Week in Australian Cinemas

A fairly blah set of releases this week, as all of them are niche films. There is some bright spots though that look intriguing. Plus, we get (for the second week in a row after Children of Men) a decent-profiled film debuting here weeks before the US. Still, I'd much rather have Marie Antoinette, Volver, The Fountain, Babel, The Queen, etc at the same time as the US that two films before. Bah. I hate distributers more than... something else I hate.


Fast Food Nation, 2006, dir. Linklater
Richard Linklater's adaptation of Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation arrives on Australian screens a full three weeks ahead of the US, so, umm... yay. However, I doubt that this film will be anywhere near as good as Children of Men. However, it has a very large cast, which is very interesting. Greg Kinnear, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Bruce Willis, Patricia Arquette, Bobby Cannavale (let us ogle him yet again), Wilmer Vanderrama, Paul Dano (from Little Miss Sunshine if the name isn't familiar), Ethan Hawke, Luis Guzman, Kris Kristofferson, Avril Lavigne and Cherami Leigh. The film was shown in competition at Cannes, but that's never a guarantee of quality. Still, I might check it out.

Spellbound With Crossword Puzzles Wordplay, 2006, dir. Creadon
Worldplay is one these new-age hipster documentaries like Mad Hot Ballroom that are trying to follow in Spellbound's giant massive near-unpassable footsteps by taking a typically geeky/boring/silly/niche recreational activity (here, the New York Times' crossword puzzle) and make it and it's participants appeal to a mass audience. The problem is that Spellbound is freakin' SPELLBOUND and it's damn hard to beat that. Still, this could prove to be an entertaining DVD rental.

The Grudge 2, 2006, dir. Shimizu
A look at director Takashi Shimizu's IMDb filmography is quite startling. He has three Ju-On: The Grudge film's listed (they would be the Japanese version of the franchse) plus the two American versions (still set in Japan though). I really think it's time for Shimizu to give up on this franchise already. Not even Wes Craven directed more than one Nightmare on Elm Street (until Wes Craven's New Nightmare but that's a whole different beast). I don't know what it is with these Japanese horror directors. Hideo Nakata of the Ringu franchise is the same. Notice how I'm not talking about the actual movie? Yeah, that's because the original American Grudge (well, all of them really) is one of the worst movies I've seen in a cinema for a long time. Like, was there even a plot until the last 10 minutes? And I got sick of the whole 10 minute vignette leading up to a predictable scare involving those stupid white-faced dead people, after the second one. Ugh. And why is Teresa Palmer (left) who was impressive and recently AFI nominated in 2:37. Blah.

Suburban Mayhem, 2006, dir. Goldman
Speaking of AFI nominations, Suburban Mayhem from director Paul Goldman (who recently made Australian Rules) received 12 nominations. Emily Barclay is looking pretty solid for the win I think. She really impressed me in 2004's New Zealand film In My Father's Den and was the best thing (and AFI nominated again) for the TV movie The Silence. This film is about Katrina, as she plans to murder her father and then... do stuff? I'm not really sure. It's gotten a very mixed responce (some say it's great, others most definitely not). But, seriously, that poster is brilliant. So good that I want it for my wall even if the movie is shithouse. I'm definitely gonna seek this movie out.

No. 2, 2006, dir. Fraser
This is an adaptation of a one-woman show, yet it has a big giant cast. Talk about adapting to the cinema! No. 2 is a New Zealand film (one of their highest grossing ever, I believe) that bares are striking resemblance to many other ethnic-minority films. The one where the old matriarch decides to put on a big giant feast. This time the woman is selecting a successor, which must be something of native New Zealand culture that doesn't make sense to me. But, whatever. It stars African-American legend Ruby Dee as the matriarch. Looks more DVD-friendly to me, but who knows.

Trust the Man, 2006, dir. Freundlich
So me and my two besties (Hi Hannah and Georgie!!!) go to the movies a lot on Tuesday's because it's cheap ticket Tuesday. They've mentioned on numerous times that they want to see this movie because it has Julianne Moore and Maggie Gyllenhaal (two actress I definitely l-o-v-e) but something just keeps making me resist it. There are many directors out there who fall into the Woody Allen lite category (most recently, Ben Younger and his film Prime), and Bart Freundlich definitely looks to be in that category with this film, which also stars David Duchovny, Billy Crudup, Garry Shandling and Eva Mendes. It just seems like such a DVD movie. But, I do love me some Moore and Gyllenhaal (and in Moore's case, there's no lost children in sight!!!)

Mrs Palfrey at the Claremont, 2005, dir. Ireland
All I'm gonna say is: THIS LOOKS AWFUL. At least Ladies in Lavender looked mild. This one looks like a barely reanimated corpse limping around with no place to go.

Women of the Sun: 25 Years Later, 2006, dir. Weis
This is a follow-up documentary to the 1981 Australian mini-series Women of the Sun, which followed four Aboriginal women. Seems like it should've been put on TV though.

The Nightmare Before Christmas: 3D, 1993/2006, dir. Sellick
On October 31, The Nightmare Before Christmas gets a 3D release. However, it's an incredibly limited release so I probably won't have the chance to see it. DAMN YOU!!!!

BOX OFFICE
1. The Departed (2)
2. BoyTown (1)
3. The Devil Wears Prada (4)
4. Little Miss Sunshine (3)
5. Children of Men (1)
6. Crank (1)
7. Step Up (4)
8. Kenny (10)
9. Garfield 2 (7)
10. The Covenant (2)

The Departed remains at #1 in it's second week with $1.8mil, falling only 28% - a great hold no matter what. It still has the best per screen average in the top 10 (beating Little Miss Sunshine by $500) and looks to stay at the top next week considering the releases on offer.

New Aussie comedy BoyTown scores the best debut for the Australian film all year (and the best since Wolf Creek at the end of 2005) with (and this is the exact number) $998,719. So close to $1mil! Hopefully this will have some decent word of mouth, but I fear they released it at the wrong time. The film is aimed more-than-somewhat towards teens and uni students, yet as of right now they're all in study and exam mode. The Devil Wears Prada slides another 37% to just a few hundred thousand under one million. It has so far grossed $13.6mil with much more in the tank. This movie is a definite big motha hit and as of now is the highest grosser in the top 20.

Little Miss Sunshine slips a scant 10% in it's second week of national release. It so far as $2.3mil and will definitely reach at least $4mil, but will hopefully go higher. Children of Men debuts at #5 with just under $800,000 (it grossed $2000 less than LMS to miss out on fourth spot). That may not sound good, but considering the only advertising I saw was a trailer in front of The Departed, it's pretty good. Where was the TV campaign? Crank debuts one spot lower but with only $432,000. It'll be a distant memory in a week.

Step Up hangs around because there's nothing for teenage girls. Kenny moves back into the top 10 in it's tenth week, with a rise of 4% in takings. It now has $5.6mil and should hit at least $6.5mil. Now that school holidays are over, Garfield 2 falls 69 laughable per cent. The Convenant falls 58%.

Elsewhere, at #11, World Trace Center is going to go down as a big miss in Australia. It barely has $2mil and has the fourth-lowest per screen avarage in the Top 20. New entry Don at #15 does great with an average of over $8000 and An Inconvenient Truth approaches $3mil. Irresistable falls 39% in it's second week and will approach $300,000 by the end of it's run. Everything else is dead weight kids films that are dying now that school is back in. Debuting outside the Top 20 was Roberto Benigni's The Tiger and the Snow which debuted with a laughable $22,000 and an average of $1,128. Go back home, Roberto!

Whither Little Children?

Is Little Children set for an unfortunate opening weekend? Why on Earth did New Line premier this movie on a five cinemas? On Friday it grossed $27,000. That equals an average of just over $5000. That means the movie is gonna need a BIG upshtick on Saturday to even come close to the two Oscar players that debuted last week in limited release. The problem at this time of the year with limited releases is that you run the risk of having your audience decide to see something else because there are so many films gunning for the quality arthouse title.

Last week The Queen averaged over $40,000 from 3 screens (and it was for only two days as it debuted on Saturday, not Friday. So it would have topped $50,000 if it had that extra day). The Last King of Scotland made just over $35,000 from it's 4 screens over three days. On it's opening Friday, Scotland had an average of over $10,000 already.

Also debuting in limited release was John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus debuted with less, but avergaged more because it debuted on four screens (but that was a film that was going to struggle to make anything outside of New York and Los Angeles).

Where does this leave Little Children? Well, we'll see how much it finishes the weekend with, but it will most likely be under $100,000 and will also most likely not have an average of over $20,000. Those are not numbers you want to be seeing for an Oscar-chasing drama starring Kate Winslet and by the man who made Best Picture nominee In the Bedroom. Brokeback Mountain debuted with an average of over $100,000. Even Memoirs of a Geisha averaged $85,000 and that one had questionable reviews, unlike Little Children.

Now, In the Bedroom had very similar numbers and that, as we know, went on to a Best Picture nomination and a few others. But, I get the feeling that Little Children needs more than that. Especially this year with so many movies going after the "arthouse" spot on Oscar's roster. It's got a toutable attractive cast with a director coming off of an Oscar heavy film. I get the feeling they should've gone down the same route as last year's The Constant Gardener (also the sophomore effort from a director of an Oscar heavy film with an attractive cast) and A History of Violence, which both opened semi-wide to grosses of $8.5mil and $8.1mil respectively. But they got talked about because they were in the Top 10. They got press, which, a film like Little Children needs. What it doesn't need is to be languishing in the lower rungs of the box office chart.

Hopefully the word will get out and New Line will actually start to advertise it and it can follow the same path as In the Bedroom. But right now, I'm scared for it. I'm not sure I can handle having a movie like Little Children failing to make, in it's entire run, the sort of number that Employee of the Month (starring Nikelodean Awards winner Jessica Simpson, lol) makes it it's opening weekend.

Bitching Out

So, I just had a nice rant over at Kris Tapley's blog. He just wrote something that really pissed me off. Like, MAJORLY.

Y'all know that I hate Australian movie release dates, and one thing that goes hand in hand with that is when pesky American film critics (or journos, whatever they happen to be (I don't consider Dave Poland a critic, but he's definitely part of the act) tell me I not only have to see certain movies, but that I have to see them MULTIPLE TIMES!! I'm sorry, but how many of you go and see every movie two or three times? Rarely, I assume. I don't just have money flowing out of my pockets ya know. I can count the number of movies I've seen twice theatrically on my hands.

So, yeah, when critics/journos tell me that to truly appreciate a movie I need to see it multiple times I get really annoyed. Dave Poland did it all last Oscar season, saying Walk the Line gets better and better every time we sees it. Well, wouldncha know it? I could only see the movie ONCE. It's great for Dave to be able to just go see the same movie over and over again (for free?), but to actually tell me I need to see it multiple times to truly "get" it or whatever, it's insulting!

And then there is a more recent pet peeve to do with critics/journos. So, these guys are getting paid to see movies or they choose to go through the quite arduous task of seeing 90% (or however much) of movies that are released and then have the gaul to actually complain (without shame) at not being able to see a certain movie. And before it's even been released!

And that's what lead to me having a tiny bit of a bitch out at Kris' blog.

This is what he wrote today, after seeing The Departed for the second time mind you.

Anyway, "The Departed." Yeah. It still kicks ass. A lot of it. ... Next week, more craziness. Finally seeing "Infamous" after, like, everyone else has seen the thing.

Umm, excuse me, WHAT?

This is what I wrote. I really didn't wanna come of sounding like a whineing bitch, but this is something that gets up me.

Sorry!! I know you meant nothing by it and that it was just an innocent comment and that this is gonna sound really bitchy, but... maybe you should think before writing stuff like "Finally seeing "Infamous" after, like, everyone else has seen the thing."

It's great that you get to see all these movies once, twice, thrice or seventeen times, but most people can't and it's sort of insulting when you bemoan your inability to see a movie that isn't even released to the public yet. And as a non-American it's even more frustrating considering we won't be getting any of these movies until December and through 2007.

I had a similar annoyance with Dave Poland last year when it seemed that every week he was telling us he had seen "Walk the Line" again and that it just KEEPS GETTING BETTER! Yet, people in the real world have enough trouble seeing a movie one time, let alone six.

**this was a rant about a subject that really gets me pissed, so yeah... nothing personal :P**

Like... do you see where I'm coming from? Infamous isn't even released yet, yet he's complaining (or it comes off as complaining) about not being able to see it yet (cry me a river, plz). Like, I probably won't even see Infamous in the cinema, but that's got more to do with not having enough money to just go about seeing every single movie. I'd love to see all these movies, and see them twice, but I can't. I know it didn't sound bad when he typed it, but when I read it I just didn't like it at all. Like, he was so nonchalant. It's as if these sorts of people have no idea about regular people's movie habits. All these critics and journos do it.

And, seriously, it played at the Telluride, Toronto and Venice film festivals. Last time I checked, the total number of people visiting those festivals this year probably equals about .0000001% of the earth's population. And that's probably an over-estimate. And not all of those visitors saw Infamous.

Ugh. If by some random reason, Kris actually clicked on my blog and is reading this (which I doubt. He's probably seeing The Departed again, teehee)... well, I don't mean anything mean by it. It's like when you're pissed off at something and you aim all your anger at one person, ya know? Yeah. This goes to everyone. It just pisses me off when people complain like that. Like, boohoo. How about having to wait for half a year.