April 18, 2007

An Open Letter To Everyone Who Didn't See Grindhouse

Dear People Who Didn't See Grindhouse,

From the bottom of my heart I thank you. I thank you a thousand times over. Thank you for completely fucking us over. Thank you for ruining it for everyone else. Thank you for destroying one of my most anticipated moviegoing events of the year. Thank you for making us pay double to see what you could have seen for the price of one. Thanks a lot. I hope you're really freakin' happy!

Love, Glenn

PS; If you didn't see Grindhouse but frequently have good taste in films then you are exempt from my burning hatred. The rest though... I hope their eyes explode from watching Norbit on DVD too many times.

From MovieHole
As discussed in this weeks Caffeinated Clint, the heavily anticipated "Grindhouse" has been pulled from its May release slot in Australia and postponed till later in the year - at which time it will be split into two separate movies.

Roadshow Film Distributors confirmed this today, in the following email :

In keeping with the theatrical release plans for all territories outside of the US, GRINDHOUSE will now be released as two separate theatrical features:
DEATH PROOF directed by Quentin Tarantino and PLANET TERROR directed by Robert Rodriguez.
Quentin Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF is premiering in the Cannes Film Festival in May. The Australian release of DEATH PROOF will be later in the year and will be followed by the release of PLANET TERROR.

Sad indeed. How about we fuck off a few of the Norbits, Night at the Museum's and Wild Hogs' and make way for some original, fine-ass, content again? I suppose we should probably start with writing in a new rule for studio employees : 'no former accountants to play studio development chiefs'.

Also, they're remaking Fame. I... I... I... *cries*


Dave said...

That. Sucks.

Also, it's worrying (for me) that they say this: "In keeping with the theatrical release plans for all territories outside of the US..."

I haven't heard anything about UK plans but that certainly doesn't bode well at all. *shoots venom at 'Dear People Who Didn't See Grindhouse'*

Kamikaze Camel said...

Yeah, now every single country is gonna get this treatment. It wouldn't even be that bad if we were still getting the films in May, but it appears we're going to have to wait until later in the year.


I hate the Weinstein's something chronic right now.

Why should the rest of the world be blatantly PUNISHED because too many Americans were IDIOTS and didn't understand the concept of the movie? Ugh. Delayed releases are bad enough, but having to pay twice as much simply because we don't live in America is actually quite offensive. The Weinsteins have no right to distribute movies. NONE. Zip. Nada. FUCK OFF ARSEHOLES.

JA said...

What have I been saying for ages, Glenn? HARVEY WEINSTEIN IS A DICK. I know, you been chiming it along with me.

That seriously is so shitty, though; I'm sorry. I did my part, and I'm gonna do my part again tonight and go see it again. Course the fact that I can go see it a second time right now is probably not what you really want to hear... ahem, nevermind.

But still, I agree. I hate my stupid compatriots right about now.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Stupid stupid compatriots, you mean!

RC said...

that's interesting they're breaking it up into two films.

i do apologize though, i have not seen this movie...mostly because the hyper-violent films like this usually just don't do it for me.

now granted i also avoid the norbit, etc.

i hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Oh see, i don't care if people who don't like these films aren't seeing it, but HELLO plenty of other lame brained horror and action movies have been released over the last few years and all made good money. I don't know why they didn't go see this one.

They'll see absolute shit movie and then something with some of the best reviews in ages and from directors with big hits behind them and... nothing. And now they've gone and wrecked it for everyone.

J.D. Judge said...

Well, I have the excuse of being 14 and having parents who'd rather see Wild Hogs. I really have no idea how (cinematically) I'm their son. But, yeah, this really sucks. And I want to see it so much too!!!!

Marius said...

Personally, I blame soccer moms, nuns, and poor people. How dare they screw everything up for you and your countrymen.

Anyway, don't movie houses in Australia have the option of the showing the film back to back? I mean, they can choose whether or not to show the film in the first place; right? Maybe you should flex your super blogger star muscle and try to make things happen.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Hahah, Hardly. If the Weinsteins and Village Roadshow decide to release them months apart (which it seems like will be the case) then there's not really anything we can do.

I wanna know what's going to happen to the fake trailers!

J.D. Judge said...

Well, they're on the internet. That's all you get, you stupid foreigner! You're not edumacated enough like us to know what that Bush is great. The Dixie Sluts are sluts, and sluts are bad. Unless they're your sister, and by sister I mean Mom. Burn in hell you Athenien!

[all used as joke, duh. i'm so incredibly liberal!]

Anonymous said...

"and make way for some original, fine-ass, content again?"

Fine-ass possibly. But original? Replication is a form of originality now is it?

Kamikaze Camel said...

I don't recall any movie ever featuring a woman with a machine gun for a leg who tries to defeat zombies.

But, then again, maybe I'm mistaken. ...?

Paxton Hernandez said...

There's no way Grindhouse is "original". Hell no!

Maybe you can get that scene (the one with "the woman who has a machine gun for leg") in a DVD bootleg and play the damn thing all over to the infinite and beyond.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Why are you so angry? At least you had the chance to see the freakin' think.

Kamikaze Camel said...

And, just to shield myself, if you haven't seen it then how come you're so angry towards it and how do you know what it is and what it isn't?

Kamikaze Camel said...

think = thing. Freakin' typos.

Paxton Hernandez said...

I'm not angry. It's your anger that leaves me in awe. = D

Kamikaze Camel said...

Why shouldn't I be angry that the visions of two men (however misguided some think they are) are being butchered. Why shouldn't I be angry that something I have been waiting months and months for has, in an instant of one weekend's box office, been ripped apart. Why shouldn't I be angry that I have to pay double to see what Americans could have seen for a mesely $8 (or whatever) but chose not to. Why shouldn't I be angry that the Weinsteins and distributers in general are completely ruining movies for me and everyone else who doesn't have the priviledge to live in America (and even then, they still get screwed over more times than I can count).

I think I have a right to be angry.


Ali said...

I feel for you Glenn, but I think your anger is misdirected. Grindhouse was never going to be a box-office whopper; granted, the first weekend numbers were surprisingly low to me, but come on - how many people in North America are big fans of the exploitation genre? I doubt the mainstream movie-going public even know what that term *means*. Of course they're going to watch lame-brained horror/comedy films as you say; they've proven time and time again that reviews and prestige don't really matter. They'll see what they want to see (gory violence or Eddie Murphy in a fat suit.) I'm not surprised by its "failure" in the least...

Your venom should 99% be directed at the Weinsteins, who time and time again demonstrate that they have no faith in their product(s), have total and utter disregard for their directors' vision and will bully others around them relentlessly to get their own way.

If people didn't understand the concept of Grindhouse (the homage aspect, two films in one, etc), then the Weinsteins have only themselves to blame for a) marketing the film poorly, and b) expecting that people would turn out in droves.

MC said...

I am reminded of this story I read today:

Paxton Hernandez said...

I agree 100% with Ali!

And besides, how can someone make an exploitation film on the 60 million budget!!!? I mean WTF! Those films were cheap as candy!

Kamikaze Camel said...

Well, yeah, the Weinsteins are as much to blame. I don't know why their budgets weren't just $5mil each (hell, even $10mil to be generous).

But, I figure, the Weinsteins allowed them to do this at least. They're still fuckwits though who wouldn't know their arse from their elbow. I guess they'll make their money up with the gross of Scary Movie 5 or whatever.

Anonymous said...

I guess it's only fitting that Grindhouse bombed in a mainstream sense.

Maybe Tarantino and Rodriguez should tour the USA with it like the original grindhouses.

Joe Valdez said...

I'm still waiting for Kill Bill to be released as it should have been, as one movie. Two movies is better than no movie.

Be glad this wasn't a hit Glenn. For at least the next couple of years, Grindhouse is going to a secret for cinema freaks, like Reservoir Dogs or True Romance were, cool as hell movies only you and your buddies knew about, before Tarantino started going on talk shows and sitcoms.