Lindsay Watch

Teehee. I took the following screengrab from my Facebook profile. It's of a feature called "Lindsay Watch" with updates on where everyone's favourite coked out Utah-residing stripper wannabe is. I found it on the page of supreme earth being Adem (of I'm Always Right - read it, he's a hoot) and promptly added it to my profile even though I'm sort of over Linday.


Also, if there are any readers from Geelong on here then you should definitely listen to 94.7 the Pulse on Friday nights between 8 and 10 as Adem hosts the Inside Splinters show dedicated to extending his love to pop music onto unsuspecting tourists and university crammers. With Adem doing the Inside Splinters show on air and the equivilent columb in Forte alongside my obviously pop-favoured music reviews in the same mag it's like we're a rag tag team of pop obsessives slowly trying to convert this lowly town over to the throws of popdome.

So, Adem, when am I gonna be able to come in and rock out with you?

Entirely Random and Unimportant Razzie Predictions

Because I'm bored and I like torturing myself by wading through the murky depths of filth. But, I didn't even look into the movies still to be released, these are just from the movies already released in 2007! Scary though, huh? We'd barely be able to get a passable Oscar lineup by this time, but the Razzies have enough for two ceremonies!


WORST PICTURE
Daddy Day Camp
Hostel Part II
I Know Who Killed Me
Norbit
Who's Your Caddy?

Or Evan Almighty or Delta Farce or Hannibal Rising or The Reaping or Captivity or...

WORST DIRECTOR
Roland Joffe, Captivity
Brian Robbins, Norbit
Eli Roth, Hostel Part II
Fred Savage, Daddy Day Camp
Chris Silvertson, I Know Who Killed Me

Or Joel Schumacher (The Number 23) or CB Harding (Delta Farce) or Don Michael Hall (Who's Your Caddy?) or Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 3) or Tyler Perry (Daddy's Little Girls) or...

WORST ACTOR
Nicolas Cage, Ghost Rider and Next
Jim Carrey, The Number 23
Cuba Gooding Jr, Daddy Day Camp
Eddie Murphy, Norbit
Robin Williams, Licence to Wed

Or John Travolta (Wild Hogs) or Steve Carell (Evan Almighty) or Antwan Andre Patton (Who's Your Caddy?) or Larry the Cable Guy (Delta Farce) or Bruce Willis (Perfect Stranger) Ice Cube (Are We Done Yet?) or Chris Rock (I Think I Love My Wife) or...

WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Elisha Cuthbert, Captivity
Nicole Kidman, The Invasion
Lindsay Lohan, I Know Who Killed Me and Georgie Rule
Eddie Murphy, Norbit

Or Diane Keaton (Because I Said So) or Hilary Swank (The Reaping and Freedom Writers) or Halle Berry (Perfect Stranger) or Sandra Bullock (Premonition) or John Travolta (Hairspray) or...

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Cuba Gooding Jr, Norbit
Ray Liotta, Wild Hogs
Rob Schneider, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Justin Timberlake, Alpha Dog and Black Snake Moan
Jon Voight, Bratz: The Movie

Or David Hasslehoff (Kickin' it Old School) or Robert DeNiro (Stardust) or Wes Bentley (Ghost Rider) or Roman Polanski (Rush Hour 3...

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Felicity Huffman, Georgia Rule
Virginia Madsen, The Number 23
Heather Matarazzo, Hostel Part II
Julia Ormand, I Know Who Killed Me
Bijou Phillips, Hostel Part II

Or Sharon Stone (Alpha Dog) or Gong Li (Hannibal Rising) or Meg Ryan (In the Land of Women) or...

WORST SCREENPLAY
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
Norbit
The Number 23
Wild Hogs

Or Fantastic Four or Hostel Part II or Captivity or Hannibal Rising or I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry or Evan Almighty or Who's Your Caddy? or Epic Movie or Georgia Rule or...

WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF
Are We Done Yet? (Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House)
Freedom Writers (Dangerous Minds)
The Invasion (Invasion of the Body Snatchers)
I Think I Love My Wife (Chloe in the Afternoon)
Who's Your Caddy? (Caddyshack)

Or The Hitcher (The Hitcher) or Perfect Stranger (lame thrillers from the 1980s), I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (do they know it's a ripoff from Strange Bedfellows?) or Becoming Jane (Pride & Prejudice) or Disturbia (Rear Window) or...

WORST SEQUEL OR PREQUEL
Daddy Day Care
Evan Almighty
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Hannibal Rising
Hostel Part II

Or Spider-Man 3 or Pirates of the Caribbean 3 or Shrek the Third or Rush Hour 3 or TMNT or The Hills Have Eyes 2 or...

WORST EXCUSE FOR FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT
Are We Done Yet?
Bratz
Daddy Day Camp
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Wild Hogs

Or Nancy Drew or Evan Almighty or Licence to Wed or Shrek the Third or Firehouse Dog or Pride

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Cuba Gooding Jr and Whoever is sharing the screen with him, Daddy Day Camp
Lindsay Lohan and herself, I Know Who Killed Me
Eddie Murphy and himself, Norbit
Jim Carrey and the dog, The Number 23
Halle Berry and Bruce Willis, Perfect Stranger

Or the guys from Wild Hogs or Roger Bart and a power tool (Hostel Part II) or Jessica Alba and Ioan Gruffard (Fantastic Four) or Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker (Rush Hour 3) or Tobey Maquire and Kirsten Dunst/Bryce Dallas Howard (Spider-Man 3) or Gerard Butler and his CGI abs (300).

There. That was fun! :/

Glenn Observes The Reaction to Lindsay

Lindsay has come saying it wasn't her cocaine, which is hilarious in itself, but I love the comments by people at Yahoo.


That's HOTTttt!!!!1


Naturally.


CELEBRETARD!


I know, right?! Go figure!


Seriously. This is the one thing I don't understand most of all.


Yeah! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?!


Hi to you too!


Black...listed...

I can't stop laughing right now.

Speechless.

You stupid stupid woman. Just go away. Please. For, like, a year. Disappear. Vanish. Hopefully at some stage you can return like, I dunno, Robert Downey Jr? Just please, stop it. Are you that pathetic? You're not just a regular person. You are going to be photographed and reported about so I can't even begin to imagine how you though stalking a former employee while drunk and high on drugs was a good idea.

Just piss off and stop bothering me.

When Bad Posters Strike: Georgie Rule

I present to you, a conversation between Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman and Lindsay Lohan.

Jane: So, this is where it's at. I'm gettin' old. In December this year I will turn 70. It's true. You know who else was old when she made this movie? Katherine Hepburn. So not only am I cast in a movie with the exact same plot as On Golden Pond, I have now been made up to look like her! Look at the wrinkles around my eyes and lips. I look nothing like I do on those television commercials for that skin rejuvinating product. Something Something Ole! I dunno. Is it Mexican? I'm old, I've forgotten what products I advertise. But the point is that either this is what I really look like and I'm juping the people who clamour at the Myer counter in a desperate, usually failed, attempt at getting back the youth that they once had. Or the youth that I once had and they think that they can capture. Because, let's face it, they were probably ugly while I was beautiful. I was a Hollywood superstar. They probably worked at Denny's. Anyway. The other option is that this is just a really weird-looking make-up job and they decided to stick it front and centre on the poster to my new movie. It worked for Helen Mirren, but it didn't work for Peter O'Toole. I think I'm in the middle. What do you think Felicity?

Felicity: To be honest, I've got other concerns. My forehead has been pulled so far back that I look like Mount Rushmore. Seriously, has my face always been so skinny and long? I also still sort of look like my character from Transamerica.

Jane: Hahahaha, see. I don't think Garry Marshall likes us. I look ridiculous in this silly denim jacket. Who wears denim jackets at my age? And by "my age" I mean the age that Garry Marshall has tried to make me look. Because I, Jane Fonda, am still hip and cool. I could totally get away with this denim jacket. I was in a J.Lo movie! I'm cool.

Felicity: Oh god, that collar is huge!

Lindsay: Hey guys. I at least look pretty.

Jane: Ugh. You? We spite you. We throw fire and brimstone at you.

Felicity: I think I could serve a five coarse meal on this jacket collar, really.

Lindsay: But, really. My skin has been airbrushed so that I don't look like I had alcohol poisoning but kept my adorable freckles, which humanise me and make me like everyone one. Plus my hair is nice and I don't look ten years older than I really am.

Jane: I dislike you right now.

Lindsay: I don't understand. I also don't understand the title of this movie.

Felicity: My blouse is ugly.

{fin}

Oh, Lindsay!

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

You look fabulous and happy in this picture! I cherish that blue knit sweater coat thingamajig you're wearing. And while I'm not a fan of the blonde hair, I admit you wouldn't have been able to get away with that outfit with your original red hair, so I guess you win some and you lose some. Nice to see you're drinking water too while you go out (or are smart enough to only be photographed drinking water?) I look forward to your next movie Georgia Rule with Jane Fonda (!!!) and Felicity Huffman (!!! not so much), even if it was the one that started the long long trials and tribulations that lead to your recent stay in rehab.

I hope you're better. Keep looking foxy and start making good movies again. I missed you.

Love Always,

Glenn

PS; Please go back to red hair. Please. And while we're at it, never go back to that "pout-as-photo-pose" phase again. That was weird and I didn't like it.

[source]

Dear Lindsay...

Dear Lindsay,

Thank you I knew you cared about me. Get better soon.

With Love,

Glenn

Pluck a big fat turkey

Oh, Lindsay. You really do like to test my patience, don't you? That was clearly one of the dumbest movies I've seen in a long time. It's a good thing I've already seen you give a delightful performance in the delightfully delightful A Prairie Home Companion to know that my faith in you isn't all going down the shitter. But, my god Lindsay, you have got to fire your agent. Next time you decide to make a romantic comedy PLEASE don't do one that involves the transferal of good and bad luck via kissing. And here's a general rule of thumb: If your romantic comedy has a "poo poo" joke in the opening scene then RUN. Run far far away. D+

Lindsay, you sneaky minx

Lindsay Lohan poised for Tennessee Williams screenplay
Tuesday Nov 7 09:11 AEDT
Lindsay Lohan will star in a movie adaptation of an obscure Tennessee Williams screenplay that was discovered after the playwright's death, reports say.

Teen idol Lohan, the star of "Herbie Fully Loaded" and upcoming "Bobby", will play the debutante daughter of a 1920s plantation owner in Memphis with a penchant for shocking her peers, The Hollywood Reporter said.

Oscar winner Ellen Burstyn and Oscar-nominated David Strathairn have also been lined up for the picture, which is based on the screenplay "The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond".

The screenplay is believed to have been written by Williams in the 1950s but was never made into a film. It was discovered after his death in 1983.

Williams won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama for "A Streetcar Named Desire" in 1948 and "Cat On a Hot Tin Roof" in 1955.

[src]

THIS is why I still love ya Linds. (I don't wanna hear anything bad 'bout her round these here parts of the eenternet. Y'all hearens me? Only I'm aloud to make negative comments. Having said that, I really do long for the days when she looked like the picture up there. She was smokin' hot.)

From the Office of Lindsay

Dear Stale Popcorn readers,

Incase y'all don't know, my name is Lindsay Lohan. You probably don't like me anymore, but Glenn is still madly in love. He has faith y'all, which is something you should totally find again. Please. Look, I was in that Robert Altman movie! That means something! I mean, I know Tara Reid was in Dr T and the Women, but that movie was shit and so is she. But, Companion is good. And I'm good in it. Trust me. I wouldn't lie to you like I do the magazines and tabloids. I'm in the upcoming Bobby and that movie where Jared Leto got really fat and bloated (I was not having sex with him at the time thank you, omg gross, right!!)

So, in case y'all don't know, it is two days until Glenn's birthday. I thought I'd send my love because of all the support he has given me over the last few years. He saw talent, althought not even he could justify those hilarious cherry pants in Get a Clue. What was the costume designer on that movie thinking?

So, anyway, two days y'all. Keep reading his blog, he's awesome. Oh, and go buy A Prairie Home Companion because it's out now on DVD. I sing! And I act! Plus, watch me share scenes with Meryl Streep and Woody Harrelson. They're awesome. I'm awesome. You're awesome. We're all awesome. 'cept paparazzi. And Hilary Duff. Don't even get me started on her. I don't really like Cam Diaz, either. And seriously Justin, sexy fuckin' left alright!

With Love,

La Lohan

PS; Two Days!!!!

Nothing

I got nothin' for you folks today. Too busy actually having a social life (who knew?) So to make up for it, here's a picture of Lindsay Lohan and her giant knockers, from 2003 (I believe).