March 29, 2007

When Bad Posters Strike: Georgie Rule


I present to you, a conversation between Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman and Lindsay Lohan.

Jane: So, this is where it's at. I'm gettin' old. In December this year I will turn 70. It's true. You know who else was old when she made this movie? Katherine Hepburn. So not only am I cast in a movie with the exact same plot as On Golden Pond, I have now been made up to look like her! Look at the wrinkles around my eyes and lips. I look nothing like I do on those television commercials for that skin rejuvinating product. Something Something Ole! I dunno. Is it Mexican? I'm old, I've forgotten what products I advertise. But the point is that either this is what I really look like and I'm juping the people who clamour at the Myer counter in a desperate, usually failed, attempt at getting back the youth that they once had. Or the youth that I once had and they think that they can capture. Because, let's face it, they were probably ugly while I was beautiful. I was a Hollywood superstar. They probably worked at Denny's. Anyway. The other option is that this is just a really weird-looking make-up job and they decided to stick it front and centre on the poster to my new movie. It worked for Helen Mirren, but it didn't work for Peter O'Toole. I think I'm in the middle. What do you think Felicity?

Felicity: To be honest, I've got other concerns. My forehead has been pulled so far back that I look like Mount Rushmore. Seriously, has my face always been so skinny and long? I also still sort of look like my character from Transamerica.

Jane: Hahahaha, see. I don't think Garry Marshall likes us. I look ridiculous in this silly denim jacket. Who wears denim jackets at my age? And by "my age" I mean the age that Garry Marshall has tried to make me look. Because I, Jane Fonda, am still hip and cool. I could totally get away with this denim jacket. I was in a J.Lo movie! I'm cool.

Felicity: Oh god, that collar is huge!

Lindsay: Hey guys. I at least look pretty.

Jane: Ugh. You? We spite you. We throw fire and brimstone at you.

Felicity: I think I could serve a five coarse meal on this jacket collar, really.

Lindsay: But, really. My skin has been airbrushed so that I don't look like I had alcohol poisoning but kept my adorable freckles, which humanise me and make me like everyone one. Plus my hair is nice and I don't look ten years older than I really am.

Jane: I dislike you right now.

Lindsay: I don't understand. I also don't understand the title of this movie.

Felicity: My blouse is ugly.

{fin}

8 comments:

Ali said...

LOL @ everything. You're spot-on about all the problems with this hidyus poster.

I am really going to hate this movie. If only for the fact that Felicity is in it. I can't stand her, and the same goes for her equally yucky husband. They play at being so humble and press-shy, when in fact they're the most attention hungry fame seekers on the planet (aside from Lohan, Britney and the Beckhams I guess.)

adam k. said...

Um, is Fonda supposed to be trying to old in this poster? Coulda fooled me. That is no 70-year-old woman right there. Try 50. MAYBE. Honestly she looks like normal women look in their 40s.

But honestly, these don't even look like photos. If they were ever actual photos, then they've been heavily altered in photo post-production land. Lindsay is the only one left looking sort of like a real person (and a beautiful one at that).

I don't think Felicity and Macy are attention hungry fame seekers. Certainly no more than your average Hollywood actor. Are they just not allowed to be famous cause they're weird-looking? They're not my favorites, but I hold nothing against them.

I actually found out yesterday that I kinda like Transamerica.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Jane Fonda should not look like that. Sure, she may not look incredibly old and decaying, but have you seen Fonda recently? She's still a bombshell, really. And here she looks bad and frail. Like, it's obvious that they're trying to make her look older than she does look and instead just made her look unappealing. Ala Peter O'Toole. Sorry, but you do NOT sell a movie on that face (I speak of O'Toole, not Fonda).

I just think they both look ridiculous and doesn't make me want to see the movie (though I will because, hello, The Fonda and Lindsay).

I wish they'd just taken a photo of the three of them together. Like, they look incredible superimposed around one another (cause they are, clearly).

I have no opinions on Huffman and Macy. I don't love or loathe either of them. They don't really register all that much with me to be honest.

J.D. Judge said...

The first time I saw that poster, I really said, "What the hell happened to Lindsay?!?! And I thought Huffman didn't believe in Botox? Hypocrite."

Ali said...

I said nothing about Huffman or Macy in terms of their physical appearance, and certainly nothing to suggest that they're "weird-looking". Where did you get that from?

adam k. said...

Cause they ARE weird-looking. By Hollywood standards, they most definitely are. Huffman herself has said she thinks she looks like a bird. And Macy's face is just odd.

But there's nothing wrong with being weird-looking.

I was just suggesting that perhaps you meant they seemed to be attracting more camera play of late than their odd looks would normally dictate. Or perhaps they seem to being playing humble to you because they're weird-looking, and they seem to know it, and not be all "look how gorgeous I am" all the time. I just interpret that as them knowing their place.

I dunno, though, I have never noticed either of them being fame-whores. They just seem like good actors who are both odd-looking and feel lucky that they've been successful.

But then I don't watch Desperate Housewives. Who knows what Huffman does on that show.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Well, she doesn't do so much anymore. Nobody seems to do much on that show anymore.

rae said...

The poster really sucks. It has been altered way too much. Felicity and WHM are some of the best actors working today. They may not be traditional "Hollywood types" as far as looks, but they never claim to be the best-looking people on the planet. They don't have to be...they have more talent than the majority of a-list stars put together.

BTW--I've met Felicity and she is incredibly generous and down-to-earth. If I wasn't a fan of hers before, I certainly am after talking to her. She was everything you'd want a "famous person" to be and much more. Love her.