I present to you, a conversation between Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman and Lindsay Lohan.
Jane: So, this is where it's at. I'm gettin' old. In December this year I will turn 70. It's true. You know who else was old when she made this movie? Katherine Hepburn. So not only am I cast in a movie with the exact same plot as On Golden Pond, I have now been made up to look like her! Look at the wrinkles around my eyes and lips. I look nothing like I do on those television commercials for that skin rejuvinating product. Something Something Ole! I dunno. Is it Mexican? I'm old, I've forgotten what products I advertise. But the point is that either this is what I really look like and I'm juping the people who clamour at the Myer counter in a desperate, usually failed, attempt at getting back the youth that they once had. Or the youth that I once had and they think that they can capture. Because, let's face it, they were probably ugly while I was beautiful. I was a Hollywood superstar. They probably worked at Denny's. Anyway. The other option is that this is just a really weird-looking make-up job and they decided to stick it front and centre on the poster to my new movie. It worked for Helen Mirren, but it didn't work for Peter O'Toole. I think I'm in the middle. What do you think Felicity?
Felicity: To be honest, I've got other concerns. My forehead has been pulled so far back that I look like Mount Rushmore. Seriously, has my face always been so skinny and long? I also still sort of look like my character from Transamerica.
Jane: Hahahaha, see. I don't think Garry Marshall likes us. I look ridiculous in this silly denim jacket. Who wears denim jackets at my age? And by "my age" I mean the age that Garry Marshall has tried to make me look. Because I, Jane Fonda, am still hip and cool. I could totally get away with this denim jacket. I was in a J.Lo movie! I'm cool.
Felicity: Oh god, that collar is huge!
Lindsay: Hey guys. I at least look pretty.
Jane: Ugh. You? We spite you. We throw fire and brimstone at you.
Felicity: I think I could serve a five coarse meal on this jacket collar, really.
Lindsay: But, really. My skin has been airbrushed so that I don't look like I had alcohol poisoning but kept my adorable freckles, which humanise me and make me like everyone one. Plus my hair is nice and I don't look ten years older than I really am.
Jane: I dislike you right now.
Lindsay: I don't understand. I also don't understand the title of this movie.
Felicity: My blouse is ugly.