March 29, 2007

When Bad Posters Strike: Fracture


I present to you a fictional conversation between Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling.

Anthony: I shot my wife... PROVE IT!

Ryan: Er, you just confessed.

Anthony: ....

Ryan: No doubt, you just confessed to shooting your wife. Case solved.

Anthony: No, but...

Ryan: But what? You just solved my case.

Anthony: But don't you need... evidenciary proof?

Ryan: You've been watching Legally Blonde again haven't you?

Anthony: Maybe.

Ryan: Well, if Legally Blonde has taught me anything, and lord knows hasn't everyone learnt something from that movie? It's that a confession is as good as any evidence. Sure, it'd be nice to have your blood-stained shirt or your fingerprints on the gun, but considering you're, I presume, our prime witness a confessions seems good enough to send you to jail. And from the looks of it, you shot her through a plait-glass window, which made it, wait for it... wait... are you ready? Made it... FRACTURE. Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week.

Anthony: I do like looking through... wait for it... fractured glass. It's elegant yet chilling.

Ryan: You're an idiot. Stop stealing my material and diminishing it at the same time. Anyway... you confessed. Case seems pretty well shut.

Anthony: Nuh-uh

Ryan: Uh-huh

Anthony: Really?

Ryan: I assume so.

Anthony: Well that's worse than a kick in the pants, isn't it?

Ryan: No, actually. Consider this. You've won an Academy Award and I was just nominated for one and we're now in a movie with this ridiculous plot.

Anthony: Touche.

{fin}

3 comments:

RC said...

this poster is horrible and your dialogue is hillarious...

i love when you call out hideous posters (like the reaping).

That has to be one of the least catchy taglines ever.

who wants to see a movie like that anyways?

Kamikaze Camel said...

Hopefully no one.

J.D. Judge said...

God, that poster is horrible!! It looks like a crappy DVD cover that makes the film look like Norbit is a modern masterpiece!!!

And, I really want to see The Reaping, and I'm pretty sure it's in my Top 5 for anticipation this year. I'm a sucker for religious horror and AnnaSophia Robb playing a possessed girl. That rules out the Two-Time Oscar-winning Whore for me.