Once Upon an Oprah

My alcohol-riddled mind played games with my dreams last night. I had a dream involving the movie Once... which I haven't seen! I don't even really know much about it other than it involves two people and they sing some songs. Possibly in... Ireland? I'm not sure. Basically those were the only things that my mind knows so they were the only things incorporated into my dream.

I also dreamed that Bill Paxton (?!?) had gone mad because a special box of chocolates. Then later I was in this rundown old motel and saw Oprah Winfrey there (as you do) and she was handing out the same boxes of chocolates. And then, and this is the even more bizarre part, when I went to say "You gave those chocolates to Bill Paxton" I actually said "You gave those chocolates to Bill Pullman" and then Oprah and I laughed and we joked about how I said the wrong name.

So in conclusion:

MY DREAMS HAVE BLOOPERS!

Thank you very much. I am the greatest.

The 8 Things Meme

So, I'm feeling a little bit worse for ware today (getting ridiculously drunk can do that to you) so I thought I'd use the time to do this meme that I got tagged with doing by My New Plaid Pants' resident blogger Ja. The soul point of the meme is merely to state eight things about myself that you guys wouldn't know. I've done this thing before.

The rules:

1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I'm pretty sure I drank an entire bottle of Smirnoff last night, yet I still don't have a hangover (just a tired body). I only get hangovers from wine and especially goon. I'm surprised I could get to sleep last night considering the amount of red bull I also had. Too many Vodka+RedBulls and too many Jagerbombs.

2. I had a dream two nights ago that Adam was best friends with a good mate of mine (Simon) and I got all snarky at him for stealing my friends and for getting to see Inland Empire with an introduction by David Lynch himself. I have weird dreams.

3. The parents of my best friend Georgie have this friend who looks like Margaret Pomeranz (the famous film critic). She was meant to be at Georgie's 21st earlier this year and I was planning on going up to her (whilst incredibly drunk) and ask for an autograph as a joke. Alas, she was sick or she died or she got turned into a monkey or something and she didn't end up going. I was... disappointed.

4. When I was at work yesterday I nearly yelled at this old lady because she kept calling me "boy" and saying things like "That's a good boy" whenever I did something she approved of like I was a dog or a circus freak. IK sort of really like yelling at customers, but only when they've yelled at me first because then it's entirely justified.

5. (this one is a response on one of the eight things Ja discussed in his meme reply) When I was in America last year I drank Diet Peach Ice Tea Snapple like it was going out of style. When my family was there earlier this year I asked them to bring me back some but it only comes in glass bottles and they wouldn't have been able to bring it back. I was majorly shattered. I also went to this store in my city that sells American foods and drinks, but they're unable to get it shipped in. They can get more Dr Pepper than anybody has any idea what to do with it, but they can't get in a one lousy carton of snapple. Ugh!

6. I hate Peter Everitt. You know, the one from Ready! Steady! Cook! I get so uncomfortable watching him on that show. He's always touching the chefs. Plus, he's really stupid. Take this exchange from when I accidentlally caught a bit of the program last week (or whenever it was recently).

"What's this?"
"Basil"

I know, right?!

7. After seeing The Breakfast Club during my high school years I always held out hope that my detentions would end up like they did in the movie (one of my all time favourites, by the way). Alas, it was always really really boring being in detention.

8. It's nearly tax time. Which'll be good because I have a credit card that I'd like to get fully paid off sometime this year.

I'm meant to tag eight other people, but I can't be bothered. If you wanna do it then you can. Blah.

Inland Empire, WWII, Time Travel and the Oscars

Seriously. I have the most crazy dreams. Last night I basically dreamt and entire movie. It was about this family during WWII (a pretty WWII if you can imagine) of four kids who had been seperated from their parents and then they finally find their parents and it turns out the father is a genius scientist who had invented a time travel device that would send people five years into the future. But it can only send four!

Thing is I woke up and started to write it all down, but several hours later I realised that too was a dream because I woke up and I had no notes. Crazy. It felt so weird.

I also dreamt that me and some friends went to the Academy Awards but it was more like the MTV awards because we were in a moshpit as some no-name singer performed a song with a choir and then Ellen and Justin Timberlake came out and introduced Meryl Streep.

I also dreamt that Inland Empire was out at the movies over a month early and I was really excited until I awoke and realised, no. No it's not.

My brain hates me sometimes.

Abi's missing, Steve's in jail and I'm making out with Jake on the front lawn...

Okay, so I know dream posts are dreadfully boring most of the time, but I only make them when there's extra-interesting things, such as Scar.Jo as a homicidal nun or, ya know, Jamie freakin' Bell! (and Estelle Getty).

But, last night's was crazy weird.



Okay, so I was living in my best friend Georgie's house (she didn't live there at this time though). And then suddenly Jake Gyllenhaal showed up and we were all in love with each other and stuff and yum. Anyway. Soon enough bodies started to pile up, which ain't a good way to "get in the mood". Anyway. It turned out that it was Hatchet Face from John Waters' Cry-Baby. I don’t know why, but Hatchet Face was trying to frame me. I bet she was trying to steal Jakey Poo from me, but bitch plz – Jake has taste.

So, anyway, soon enough (well, right then. My dreams are fast paced) the cops showed up and Jake and I were on the front lawn (odd cause Georgie’s house doesn’t have a front lawn like the one in my dream) and we were all making out and stuff, which was awesome, but we were also saying our goodbyes. And then Hatchet sliced a policeman with a samurai sword that sort of appeared out of nowhere.

And then it ended.


The next dream I had (it’s like Grindhouse. Two for the price of one) was like a warped alternate ending to Little Miss Sunshine. Instead of them arriving at the beauty pageant, something happened that resulting in Steve Carell's Frank being arrested. Then my dream kept skipping forward ten years in time and every year the family (including me) would go visit Frank in jail and have a big Christmas feast (or was it Thanksgiving?)


Funny thing was… Abigail Breslin wasn’t there! Maybe we left her at a rest stop and then just didn’t turn back. I wonder, when Toni and Greg and Steve were all old and wrinkled and on death’s door, where poor Abi was.

It was a strange dream. I think it may have some deep-seeded link to the fact that I have a weird and downright bizarre crush on Steve Carell, which I’ve mentioned before.

Hmm… I should get some actors and film it and make it a special feature on the DVD. No? …oh well.

I Dream of Jamie

So, I watched The Chumscrubber last night. Very strange movie, but I sorta liked it (B-). But, the main importance with it was that it starred Jamie Bell. You know, my age-appropriate husband (we're only five months and one day apart, you know *beams*). He seems like such a lovely chap (plus, he puts extremely drunk photos of himself on his myspace profile -of which I am a friend!!!omg!!- so I give him props for that) and normal and not like he spends every waking minute either taking 'roids at the gym or eating at restaurants with oh-so-convenient outdoor eating (it still amazes me that these celebrities haven't figured out what 'indoor dining' means).

Anyway. He must have been on my brain because I had a dream about him last night. I think we rode on a rollercoaster with Estelle Getty. I'm not quite sure. Oh, and there was a marching band. Man, I really need to buy more seasons of Golden Girls on DVD.


I reckon Jamie would like Golden Girls. Maybe we could watch a Golden Girls marathon together. OMG me and Jamie Bell watching Golden Girls together would be precious. I bet his favourite character is Dorothy. She's mine too. OMG we have so much in common. *beams* It's like we're soul mates or something.

Umm... here's some pictures. He's such a cutie, and a talented actor to boot! And he lists Stephen Daldry and his mother as his two heroes. PRECIOUS!




Wanna bask in the awesomeness that is Jamie Bell? Well, there's the obvious Billy Elliot, or how about his really great turn in the underseen Undertow, or there's his riffing throughout the Lars Von Trier-written American-aimed missile (is there any other?) Dear Wendy, or, yes, even The Chumscrubber. Extremely flawed as it may be.




Marry me, Jamie.

In Dreams

Sometimes my movie obsession gets so fever pitched that I actually name my dreams. Ya know, as if they were films. Remember that one with Scar.Jo? That was called Cannibal Nuns: Bad Habits. Last night I had a dream that I will effectionately name The Devil Wears Prada 2. Seriously. It was me in the Anne Hathaway role and Meryl Streep in the Meryl Streep role. She was a bitch. I said I loved Emily Blunt's hair. And then Stanley Tucci stared awkwardly at me. And then I woke up slightly disappointed. I woke up before I got my hot makeover and before my friends got strangely upset at me because I finally had a great job that could lead to my dream job.

Anyway, this is gonna have to be all from me today. I have a hectic day. I'm seeing two movies at the cinema (The Descent with Kirby, closely followed by Casino Royale with Georgie, omgyayz) and after that I have a birthday party to attend to.

I watched four movies yesterday:

Last Tango in Paris - Was great stuff. Things that I liked even more than Brando and Schneider's performances: The cinematopraphy and the score. WOW. I loved how Bertolucci played with the audience too. Like, how you think you're listening to the score and it's just a character playing the saxophone. Or how the dialogue disappears when the director's microphone moves. Great stuff. A-

Another Gay Movie - I've already discussed this here. D-

Beauty and the Beast - This was lovely. I can sorta see why it's the only animated movie ever nominated for Best Picture. B+

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - I get enough of a lambasting as it is for liking the 2003 version, so when I say this one scared me too... well, I fear I'm losing credibility. But, I've said it before and I'll say it again: The thought of a cannibal family killing me and my friends with a chainsaw is just flat out terrifying. Sure, the movie relies too much on copying stuff from the 1974 and 2003 versions, but this one is way way way gorier than those two (there are four chainsaw deaths in this movie and they are BLOOOOOODY). I didn't care as much for these characters (whereas in the 2003 version I did for some reason) and I could've done without the incessant shaky camera, but still, being part of a massacre involving chainsaws isn't a fun way to die folks. It's that dirty unpleasantness that always gets to me. I get scared if I think about what I'd be like in the same situation. I can't imagine myself in a scary fog, or being chased by a vampire, so even though I'm fairly certain there aren't any Texan chainsaw enthusiast cannibals out there, I can imagine it and that scares me. Oh, and lastly, I know that death-by-chainsaw in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre film shouldn't shock me (considering we know they're coming) but here they did. They didn't exactly shy away from the action like they did in the 1974 and 2003 versions. And I know it's a prequel so the very end shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did but holymarymotherofjesus I didn't expect that. I missed Jessica Beil. B-

Let it be known that I do not like The Next Generation. Leatherface as a drag queen in fishnets was ridiculous and stupid.

"Have you felt my tingle"

LOL. Last night I watched this weird 1989 movie called Cutting Class. It's a horror comedy. It's really strange though. Not Lynch-strange or anything, just while watching it it felt really weird. Like, I couldn't tell if they were serious or not the whole time. I mean, the movie's villian sprouts the line "Have you felt my tingle" in the big climactic scene and an earlier scene involving Donovan Leitch and Brad Pitt's characters (yes, Brad Pitt!) involves them discussing how they used to be friends and get under cars "Remember when we took that thing out and didn't put it back in" "Yeah, we were screwing around" !!!!

The lead girl was some actress called Jill Schoelen who looked a lot like Shannon Doherty. And it also had Martin Mull, and while that name may not sound familiar check out his IMDb profile. I remember him most as the Principal on Sabrina, The Teenage Witch scarily enough. Remember in Last House on the Left when there were these strange moments where it became almost a slapstick comedy involving two police officers? Well, that's what Mull's character was. He got an arrow in the heart in the first scene but then continues to appear throughout the movie as comedic relief (as if the rest of it wasn't supposed to be). Just... strange. The strangest bit though involved a water cooler, which was just illogical to the nth degree.

**I had two kickass dreams last night though! One of them involved this massive scavenger hunt and, well, I heart scavenger hunts. The other one involved Chandler from Friends going around solving wacky crimes with a high powered lawyer who turned out to be a transexual. It was like The Crying Game just vice versa!**

Y'all did good + Miranda Priestly SEX SCANDAL

Ya did good folks. Ya did good! I'm not even American and I feel a bit giddy. Democracy does exist. FANCY THAT?!

So, I woke up from a nap about 15 minutes ago (gimme a break, I was majorly tired and naps are the greatest luxury ever) but in it I had a dream that Miranda Priestly had a mental breakdown and went stumbling through Melbourne and then hooked up with, of all people, Cate Blanchett in a supermarket before collapsing. Then I woke up in a mansion and randomly had a catfight with a bunch of people I didn't know before going downstairs to watch the Grammys - who knows why. Then New Order appeared and they started to play "Age of Consent" and then a lunatic started bashing his guitar everywhere and then I woke up. When I did wake up though I had Donna Summer's "This Time I Know It's For Real" stuck in my head so that must've showed up at some point. That, or those pesky Young Divas were there and I don't remember it.

I have the most screwed up dreams.