Public Enemy #1

Please get this man off of our television!


His name is Jacob Butler and he is a contestant (read: he's there for the prizes, not the music) on the fifth and current season of Australian Idol. This man has previously disgraced our screens on the disaster that was Australia's version of X Factor. He's a serial talent show pest, having made the top 100 of Idol in 2005, the same year as his X Factor experience. He's obviously been trying to become a professional singer for quite some time (so much so that he aged five years in the two years since X Factor, hmmm). He's also worked overseas but, as his profile tells us, that fell flat on it's face.

So, obviously, his career has gone nowhere and so he just continues to enter these competitions hoping that his chubby cheeks will make him instantly famous. He's an attention seeking fame-hungry whore. His performances on Idol are so overdone that they actually split apart and form a parallel universe where they become good, but then they implode and form a blackhole that sucks inside everything that is good and right with the world because that's how much of a talent vacuum he is. He does these ridiculous faux-hardcore dancemoves (mid air scissor kicks! falling over on stage!) while wearing stupid outfits (a button-up wool jacket with a shirt and tie on rock night?) Dicko was entirely right when he said he'd be laughed off stage in the real world. I can't stand to watch him whenever he's on screen. He repulses me.

Also, his hair is gross.


He seems to at least have accepted that his mere modicum of talent won't make him famous and instead needs a television reality program to do it. He relishes the sound of applause, yet when a judge actually critises him he looks like he'll chuck a tanty - hi Courtney from season two! I hated you as well! So my wish is that people will realise all Jacob is is filling his desire for fame and fortune and doesn't deserve to be on there anymore.

Besides, you just know that if he does win Australian Idol he'll be forgotten about within a week because he's so unspectacular and hasn't got anything distinguishable about him whatsoever.


I didn't make this, my friend Jo did, but it's funny non?

Gay Music

So, is there any doubt that Mika is one of the most exciting new artists of 2007? "Grace Kelly" is indeed a stunner of a single (not many artists have a first single as brilliant as that). Time will tell whether Mika can turn into the Freddie Mercury of his generation, but it's about time that somebody brought the fun and the frivolity and the kooky catchy hooks back to the top 40. Too many wonderful British and European pop acts get lost in translation, but thankfully Mika is on his way to conquering the world. "Grace Kelly" has been a world wide smash (soon to be American too) so yay for that! Watch the video below. It, much like the song itself, makes me wanna get up and do a dance routine of cheerleader kicks and Star Wars lightsabre shwooshes. Make sense?



I knew "Grace Kelly" reminded me of another song, but couldn't place my finger on it. But then this song came on right after it and the lightglobe above my head burst. It's totally "Wig in a Box" from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Mika and John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig) have similar vocal styles and the music is also very similar (camp rock with pianos with a big bombastic chorus). Enjoy "Wig in a Box". It's totally delicious.



Mika hasn't come out and said that he is gay, by the way, but there's enough evidence to support the thought that he is. He's currently saying he doesn't discuss that sort of stuff with the press and that's fine by me. At least he's not doing an Anthony Callea by constantly saying he's straight and then when it's appropriate (ie; somebody accidentally did it for him just as his album sales were lagging) do a complete 180 and say that he is gay. Most people already figured he was gay, but it's just frustrating when people such as him who could have clearly done so much (he was a contestant on Australian Idol) to confront homophobia only decides to "accept" his sexuality (what the fuck? He's had a boyfriend for two and a half years, so it's not like he's only just figured it out) when it suits.

Look, I'm glad Anthony has finally come out and all that jazz and I can understand his trepidation to do so when he was at the forefront of the Idol phenomenon, but that show was three years ago for him. He's released two albums and emassed a decent-sized fan following (hell, he has the highest selling single of all time!) But people have been asking him ever since Idol and his reply has always been a steadfast "No, I'm straight" and now that one of his idiot friends did it for him on the radio he's decided it's time to finally come out? It smells fishy to me.

So, yeah, I'm glad he's finally out, but just because he's gay and he's come out in the media and all doesn't mean he should be given a free pass like so many online bloggers do (like they do with Lance Bass, another fame hungry whore who only came out because he had nothing better to do and his boyfriend had a book to sell). No siree.

Dancing with the Bizarre

So, Dancing with the Stars is into it's sixth series here in Australia (we have plenty of D-grade celebrities), but this current one is the first I've ever watched. It's really quite an annoying show, but like other shows of a similar vein where you're pretty much asked to pick favourites and watch them throughout a series (Idol, Big Brother) I'm watching it for two people and two people only (well, two of the celebrities anyway). They would be the hilarious Fifi Box and the supurb Kate Ceberano.

One of the "celebrities" is David Graham. He was on the fifth (and most recent) series of Big Brother. He annoys the bloody hell outta me. I hated him on Big Brother and I hate him on Dancing with the Stars. David is gay, but he's one of those sort of gay men who, for some reason or other, feels the need to teach the straight people of the world about the life of gay people. He came out on Big Brother in, like, the third episode, and from then on at least once a week (but usually much more) he would go into a long-winded lecture about how hard gay people have it and all that crap. I just wanted to throw something at him. We (er, gay people) don't need some farmer from the bush crying on tv to get sympathy.

It was clearly all an act though because he was trying to come of as all sensitive and shit because that's what Australian voters always seem to vote to win. Yawn. He'd always play the diplomat ("I don't want to vote for anyone" yet then turn around and vote for the only person in the house who, at the time, wasn't hating his guts. ugh.) Read more about his wankfilled life here. He scored 4/40 tonight (that's one point from each judge! lol) so hopefully he'll disappear into the crater that swallows up all Big Brother contestants and we'll never have to see his ugly mug ever again. I was going to put a picture of him besides this but then I was all "wait, I don't wanna force his stupid face upon the readers" so I didn't.

I gotta say though, I have a huge big ol' crush on Fifi Box's partner, professional dancer Paul Green. I rarely use this word, but he's a major stud. Yummo. Unfort, there aren't any pictures of him except for the tiny tiny one on the website (which you can see to your left). I just wanna ravage him silly.

OMG Sonia Kruger just slammed Anthony Callea. God she has some good calls R-rated ("the lesbians like Fifi's box!"). Teehee. Silly Anthony Callea. You're gay now, but when people asked you for the last three years you were straight. Riiiight. Could it be that your album sales are down and you need some free publicity? I think so.

Return of the Fame-Sucking Publicity Whore!!!

I've mentioned multiple times on my displeasure with reading about those salivating fame hounds Lance Bass and Reichen whateverhisnameis. They're so transparently desparate for our adulation and peering eyes. And of course Lance came out (to a magazine, of course) just at the same time that Reichen had a book (an autobiography) being released soon after.

Well, now I've read the fabulous stunning news that Lance himself is to pen an autobiography, which amuses me to no end. Apparently he'll write about being a member of N' Sync (even though a quick glance at Wikipedia could tell you all about it) and how his case of keeping himself in the closet from fans was so radically different from all the other cases he read about. Yawn.

On one final note, as you can tell, I am not a fan of Lance, but as a gay man I feel sorry for the dude. Every time People publishes an article about him they use that same sad sorry photo of him (left) with bags under his eyes, pale blotchy skin, ratty facial hair, crooked smile and horrible shirt. That poor man. Everytime he googles himself (y'all know he does) and up pops an article from People he has to be spooked by that awful photo.

The Sham Is Over!

I recently (November 9 to be precise) spoke about one of the worst "celebrity" couples (I really do use the word "celebrity" loosely in this case) in the form ex-N Sync member Lance "I'm Gay! Am I famous again now? PLEASE" Bass and famously non-famous Reichen "GIVE ME YOUR FAME OR I'LL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!!!!" Lehmkuhl. It was a relationship that seemed even more of a sham than Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (speaking of them, has she given up on that silly "Call me Kate" thing now?).

Now, it turns out that the desperate farcical charade has ended to the surprise of no one. It was pretty much doomed from the outset. A relationship built around two horribly fame-hungry wankers whose sole existence is to provide publicity for the other, was never gonna work. Maybe there are legitimate reasons for the split: They stopped "loving" each other. The spotlight was more than they realised and couldn't it (Lance came out in July, so it didn't last any longer than one of Lindsay Lohan's dalliances). Lance couldn't handle being "the ugly one" (seriously, check out the picture of him on here and here. I sorta feel bad for him in that respect). But, I predict, it was that Reichen realised that he no longer needed this former star and dumped him. I mean, Reichen's book has been out for a while now so it's obviously sold itself to all the hardcores and the "Trick is way better than Brokeback Mountain" crowd and he figured doing this got him even more publicity that he didn't have to pay for.

And then there's Lance who hadn't been seen clammering into a photo frame for a few weeks now. Whatever is a homo to do? Why, do the stereotypical-queer move and lose the excess baggage. A relationship that lasts four months in the public eye? That's, like, totally one of longest relationships in Hollywood. *roll eyes*

I predict he'll resurrect his ridiculous space idea before trying his hand at the ludicrous television idea mentioned in the article while trying to weasle any party invites he can get out of this (OMG Showdown on the red carpet between Lance and Reichen plz).

Meanwhile, I expect Reichen to become even more of a D-grade celebrity and will appear on at least one more reality television show. He will also continue outing people who used to be famous (they'll be "lanced" for sure!omglol!!!) :/

Maybe some day soon we'll get a high profile gay male couple that a) don't flaut their desperate desire for fame in our faces and b) don't just confirm dated stereotypes (flippy bottom and alpha top, wax, love em and leave em). Why can't there be a male equivelent of Ellen and Portia? Now there is a queer couple that I can champion. You go girls!

Bass is developing an Odd Couple-inspired sitcom pilot with former 'N Sync-er Joey Fatone in which his character will be gay and has a role in the upcoming comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Doesn't that just sound scary?!

Lance Bass is a dickhead

Ugh. I can't take it anymore! I really hate Lance Bass. At first when he "came out" (aka told us what everyone already suspected, don't deny it) I was happy for him and glad he finally did it and that he actually did it. And then the months progressed and it became blatantly obvious that he only did it so that his boyfriend, aka why-is-he-famous Reichen Lehmkuhl, could pimp his tell-all book. I mean, seriously, I'm all for gay people in the entertainment industry coming out and all, but other than the whole book thing there's the belief in my mind that he also did it for publicity and nothing else. Before he came out how often did you see photos of him? Occasionally he went out to dinner with friends (always including Reichen), but other than that nothing. Nowadays he's everywhere. Hanging around like a bad smell that nobody asked for but that people seem to tolerate because it'd be "insulting" or "un-pc" to tell it to piss off like before.

But now, as part of Lance and Reichen's ever-desperate desire to be famous even longer than they have any deservable right to be, they have tried to - wait for it - invent a phrase! Or, to be exact, a "term" for celebrities who are outed. I read this at IMDb (god bless IMDb People News) and I... I... they've plumbed new depths of disgusting fame-grubbing.

Bass Inspires New Term for Coming Out of the Closet

Former 'N Sync star Lance Bass has inspired a new term for gay celebrities who are outed by members of the media - they're being "lanced." Bass' boyfriend, reality star Reichen Lehmkuhl, says the term was coined after Bass revealed earlier this year that he is gay. Last week former Doogie Howser MD star Neil Patrick Harris was forced to admit he was gay after Internet media reports speculated on his sexuality. Lehmkuhl explains Harris' recent predicament saying, "It's to be outed by someone in the public media and to be a celebrity, and Neil Patrick Harris, I understand, has been 'lanced.'" Bass disclosed his sexuality in July, and said he decided to "speak my mind" because rumors surrounding his sexuality were starting to affect his daily life. He also announced at the time that he was in a stable relationship with Lehmkuhl, a former Air Force captain and winner of season four of CBS' reality competition The Amazing Race. Lehmkuhl adds, "People should be able to come out on their own. I don't know so much that it helps gay equality if a celebrity is outed by someone else and it shows that they're forced out. It just seems like it just continues the vilification of homosexuality in the media in this country."

Go away you desperate wanks. Soon enough you'll be forgotten all over again and you can hide away in the hole you crawled out of for no reason except to bother us with your fame-hungry embarassing antics. Lance isn't even making music to justify his fame! He was known as a singer (and, hilarious for about 2 minutes, an actor) yet in this second incarnation of fame he's just... nothing. He's like an 1950s housewife. Just going to all these business functions with her his husband as support. Smiling and waving and spruking Reichen's book. He doesn't serve a purpose. He doesn't even pretend to have a purpose. He's just there. Like a mosquito.

---

OMG, just now as I searched for an image to put in here I found pictures of him dressed as an astronaut! Remember when he randomly decided to go into space for no reason. Just further proof that he's desperate for attention of any sort.