September 17, 2007

Public Enemy #1

Please get this man off of our television!

His name is Jacob Butler and he is a contestant (read: he's there for the prizes, not the music) on the fifth and current season of Australian Idol. This man has previously disgraced our screens on the disaster that was Australia's version of X Factor. He's a serial talent show pest, having made the top 100 of Idol in 2005, the same year as his X Factor experience. He's obviously been trying to become a professional singer for quite some time (so much so that he aged five years in the two years since X Factor, hmmm). He's also worked overseas but, as his profile tells us, that fell flat on it's face.

So, obviously, his career has gone nowhere and so he just continues to enter these competitions hoping that his chubby cheeks will make him instantly famous. He's an attention seeking fame-hungry whore. His performances on Idol are so overdone that they actually split apart and form a parallel universe where they become good, but then they implode and form a blackhole that sucks inside everything that is good and right with the world because that's how much of a talent vacuum he is. He does these ridiculous faux-hardcore dancemoves (mid air scissor kicks! falling over on stage!) while wearing stupid outfits (a button-up wool jacket with a shirt and tie on rock night?) Dicko was entirely right when he said he'd be laughed off stage in the real world. I can't stand to watch him whenever he's on screen. He repulses me.

Also, his hair is gross.

He seems to at least have accepted that his mere modicum of talent won't make him famous and instead needs a television reality program to do it. He relishes the sound of applause, yet when a judge actually critises him he looks like he'll chuck a tanty - hi Courtney from season two! I hated you as well! So my wish is that people will realise all Jacob is is filling his desire for fame and fortune and doesn't deserve to be on there anymore.

Besides, you just know that if he does win Australian Idol he'll be forgotten about within a week because he's so unspectacular and hasn't got anything distinguishable about him whatsoever.

I didn't make this, my friend Jo did, but it's funny non?


rural juror said...

I'm sad b/c...I really liked Brianna. Oh well. That Carl, though, the way he sang Coldplay didn't work. No, no, there's no WAY!

Tarasai to the end, then

Scott said...

I hope you're not implying by the stragetic placement of that final photo that Casey Donovan is undistinguishable and has been forgotten.

I'm sure I don't need to remind you of my irrefutable position that Casey Donovan remains the most amazing voice the Idol machine has ever unearthed in this country.

(I did enjoy the photo though.)

Kamikaze Camel said...

She wasn't ready for the fame, which is much like Jacob. He clearly wants it (which, big different, Casey didn't - she was a singer not a contestant) but if he gets it he'll be confused why he isn't instantly a megastar. As Dicko said, he'd be laughed off stage if he did what he did at a concert.

I do like Casey's voice I just didn't think she should have won.