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Or this?


I think we can all let out a collective groan now that freakin' John Stewart has been officially hired as the host of next year's 80th annual Academy Awards. How crap is that? After years of lucky-dip hosting (three different hosts in three years) they had finally stumbled across one (Ellen Degeneres) who everyone seemed remotely pleased with. Sure, she wasn't brazenly political or un-PC or whathaveyou, but she was funny and easy to watch and, most of all, wasn't awkward. And then they seemingly dumped her (I doubt that Ellen would refuse if offered) for the guy that hosted the secondly lowest rating Oscar show in history (if my memory serves me well).

HOW EXCITING!!

And an in election year too? Christ! I can already predict 95% of the jokes right now. Gil Cates, the awards producer, has been quotes as saying "Jon was a terrific host for the 78th Awards. He is smart, quick, funny, loves movies and is a great guy. What else could one ask for?" Which begs the question... why didn't you ask him back last year?

Still, at least it's not Chris "I'm black and you aren't" Rock. That woulda been cause for even bigger alarm.

**I am back after my computer took a brief sojourn to the repair shop**

Supporting Actors

I have the Academy Awards on because I'm moving it from my Hard Disk Recorder to a DVD so the mother can watch it. It just got to the Supporting Actor category and I just realised 4 things.

1. Three of the nominees are bald.

2. I really don't like Djimon Hounsou. Like, at all. Not one tiny little bit. a) smile bitch, b) take off your damn sunglasses, c) what was with that rubbing your head thing while on camera and d) man, that Blood Diamond performance looks (and sounds) bad. I'm not sure I could even listen to it for a whole 2 hours.

3. I'm so glad Arkin won. Great speech too. He should've won a few years ago for Thirteen Conversations About One Thing, but this'll suffice. He was better than Murphy, too.

4. I'm reading over some the live blogs that were happening and just various sites and for some reason most are going "wow, what a big upset!" Do these people not follow the Academy Awards at all? Did they not realise that the Academy loves to honour old geezers in Supporting Actor! God, these people are silly. Sure, a slight upset simply because Eddie Murphy was the favourite, but it's not like (LOL) Djimon won or something. THAT would've been a huge upset.

Oh, and now the bit where Ellen gave Martin a screenplay is up. It's been done before but it's still funny. Martin Scorsese is so funny. Those weird shadow things are weird though. Like... they confuse me. They did do Snakes on a Plane which I can totally apreciate.

First Oscar Thoughts

So... what a night. It was actually a good show. Too many inbetween bits (Leo and Al should be ashamed, but more about that later) and whatnot, but overall I was impressed. Again, it probably goes more to the fact that there weren't any wins that I disliked (although Santaolalla's win was dubious indeed and Emmanuel Lubezki's loss was disappointing). Ellen was great I though. Sure, she was a bit "safe" but I'd rather safe than mean spirited (Chris Rock) or Comedically-challenged (John Stewart for the most part). She was funny. I hope they ask her back next year. I mean, the crowd liked her and, well, the three others I watched it with seemed to like her. LOL. We totally should be the berometre of Oscar hosts. That vacuuming bit killed me.

In terms of my predictions I did alright. I got the entire Big Eight correct - that would be Picture (The Departed), Director (Scorsese), Actor (Whitaker), Actress (Mirren), Supporting Actor (Arkin - I knew this would happen for sure), Supporting Actress (Hudson), Original Screenplay (Little Miss Sunshine) and Adapted Screenplay (The Departed). Sure, they were all pretty easy predictions outside of Arkin and maybe Original Screenplay, but really. Whatever.

I'll go through them all tomorrow, but out of the rest of them I didn pretty shit, actually. Song, Score, Editing, Cinematography, Costume, Foreign Language and the shorts.

Now, sorry again, but this is another Inconvenient Truth rant. But this one's smaller. I can deal with it winning Best Documentary Feature, even if I don't agree with it. But jesus christ, Al Gore WAS NOT AN ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE. How come four (or was it five?) people got up to accept the award that one man (David Guggenheim) won. It was ridiculous. Al Gore didn't win it. He shouldn't be up there. It's insulting and offensive. We have people (producers, mainly) who are banned from even being nominated and aren't allowed to get up on stage, yet this man (however noble he is) just walzes up to the stage and gives a speech as if he had won. And then to have Leonardo DiCaprio and Al Gore come out purely to give us another lecture about climate change? They didn't even present a freakin' award afterwards.

(okay, this isn't as short as I was intending.) Surely thank Al Gore, considering without his powerpoint presentation there would indeed be no movie (that's because Guggenheim didn't actually bother to make a movie, but just filmed a man giving a speech - are the directors of the Oscars eligible for next year's show?!?!), but his name isn't on the ballot. Isn't on the envelope. He shouldn't be there. And, seriously, stop telling me I can do anything. I can change some lightglobes and walk to and from work (oh wait, I already do that. Thanks heaps), but stop trying to make me believe that if I flick a switch I will single handedly change global warming. I won't. I know that. You know that. So shut the fuck up, wanker.

There. /rant

I did love the opening nominees montage (that was amazing) and there was another bit that I really loved, but can't remember. I'll scan through the recording of it tomorrow and check. I loved hearing Morricone's Days of Heaven score TWICE through the evening. Oh man, that Costume Design bit was embarassing. Emily and Anne were laughing during it. Not a good sign when the presenters are laughing at the category. Although it's sort of awesome that Marie Antoinette is now an "Academy Award Winner".

The highlight of the night however was, as I'm sure it was for everyone who merely likes cinema, Martin Scorsese's win. I was so scared that they'd read out Alejandro. Just so good. Mirren's "Here is THE QUEEN" or whatever she said was embarassing. eep. Celine was ridiculous. Abi and Jayden were precious. Marty shedding tears for Thelma was lovely. And... er, there was more. blahblahblah. Kinda happy it's over though.

Joe Speaks The Truth!

So, Joe's opinions are pretty spot on today in relation to the Oscar nominations. I chose a few quotes for y'all.

"The big news is the Dreamgirls snub, which some people are going to say they saw coming all along, but very, very few of them will have actually predicted."

So many people will come out of the woodworks saying they didn't think it would get nominated all along. Those people are idiots.

"[Dreamgirls] wasn't one of my favorite movies this year, but I'm sad to see it snubbed nonetheless. In a year when I don't care what wins Best Picture, it was at least a contender I could feel good about winning."

Exactly. I didn't have a love for Dreamgirls like I did for other recent musicals like Moulin Rouge! and to a lesser degree Chicago, but if Dreamgirls was the so-called frontrunner and the Best Picture winner in waiting that would actually go on to win the prize, then I wouldn't have had an issue. I don't care that it wasn't nominated, because I like three of the other nominees (don't like Babel and haven't seen Letters from Iwo Jima along with the rest of the planet), but still... I dunno. I feel odd about it.

"You know, the worst thing about the nominations this morning was the realization that I'm going to have to see Blood Diamond now. Dammit!"

Tell me about it! It got five nominations so I feel as if I have to see it now. Maybe I'll see it with my dad (he'd probably like it) and I won't have to actually pay for a ticket. Blah.

"You know, the biggest disappointment of the morning? The realization that the Dreamgirls snub means less chance of seeing Ellen Degeneres in a bouffant wig and sparkly gown side-by-side with Beyonce. I'd have killed for that. What's she gonna do for Letters From Iwo Jima, you know?"

Teehee. Very true. What is Ellen going to do for any of the nominated movies, really? Iwo Jima and Babel especially. Hmmph. I trust Ellen to be able to come up with something as hilarious as "Our next performer needs no introduction" *walks of stage*

The Sham Is Over!

I recently (November 9 to be precise) spoke about one of the worst "celebrity" couples (I really do use the word "celebrity" loosely in this case) in the form ex-N Sync member Lance "I'm Gay! Am I famous again now? PLEASE" Bass and famously non-famous Reichen "GIVE ME YOUR FAME OR I'LL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!!!!" Lehmkuhl. It was a relationship that seemed even more of a sham than Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (speaking of them, has she given up on that silly "Call me Kate" thing now?).

Now, it turns out that the desperate farcical charade has ended to the surprise of no one. It was pretty much doomed from the outset. A relationship built around two horribly fame-hungry wankers whose sole existence is to provide publicity for the other, was never gonna work. Maybe there are legitimate reasons for the split: They stopped "loving" each other. The spotlight was more than they realised and couldn't it (Lance came out in July, so it didn't last any longer than one of Lindsay Lohan's dalliances). Lance couldn't handle being "the ugly one" (seriously, check out the picture of him on here and here. I sorta feel bad for him in that respect). But, I predict, it was that Reichen realised that he no longer needed this former star and dumped him. I mean, Reichen's book has been out for a while now so it's obviously sold itself to all the hardcores and the "Trick is way better than Brokeback Mountain" crowd and he figured doing this got him even more publicity that he didn't have to pay for.

And then there's Lance who hadn't been seen clammering into a photo frame for a few weeks now. Whatever is a homo to do? Why, do the stereotypical-queer move and lose the excess baggage. A relationship that lasts four months in the public eye? That's, like, totally one of longest relationships in Hollywood. *roll eyes*

I predict he'll resurrect his ridiculous space idea before trying his hand at the ludicrous television idea mentioned in the article while trying to weasle any party invites he can get out of this (OMG Showdown on the red carpet between Lance and Reichen plz).

Meanwhile, I expect Reichen to become even more of a D-grade celebrity and will appear on at least one more reality television show. He will also continue outing people who used to be famous (they'll be "lanced" for sure!omglol!!!) :/

Maybe some day soon we'll get a high profile gay male couple that a) don't flaut their desperate desire for fame in our faces and b) don't just confirm dated stereotypes (flippy bottom and alpha top, wax, love em and leave em). Why can't there be a male equivelent of Ellen and Portia? Now there is a queer couple that I can champion. You go girls!

Bass is developing an Odd Couple-inspired sitcom pilot with former 'N Sync-er Joey Fatone in which his character will be gay and has a role in the upcoming comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Doesn't that just sound scary?!