August 29, 2007

Fosse Shmossy



You know what movies are sooo overrated? All That Jazz and Cabaret directed by so-called "genius" Bob Fosse. If I had a dollar for ever time I'd heard pretentious wanky film obsessives say how great they are I could move to New York City and bash all those theare-going freaks with my mighty mighty fists.


I mean, honestly, who has even seen these movies? It's not even like they're that well known. Clearly they don't hold a candle to the brilliant stylings of High School Musical and High School Musical 2. Did Cabaret and All That Jazz even win two Emmys? I DON'T THINK SO! The High School Musical films have heart, y'all. Those films had the greatest choreography in the history of cinema/television/theatre. That "Keep Your Head In The Game" scene where the basketball players who all just said they hated singing and dancing all start, wait for it, singing and dancing to the beat of their basketballs is amazing. Compare that to the lazy "Mein Herr" from Cabaret and I think you know who comes out the victor.


Or what about All That Jazz? It claims to be a "musical" when really it's nothing of the sort. All the musical sequences are rehearsals for a stage show and at the end they're all FANTASY SEQUENCES! What the fuck? Who's ever heard of fantasy in the musical genre? Jesus Christ! That bit where the guy from Jaws is lying in his bed dying and then the next minute he's dancing with that black guy who is not Corbin Bleu? Or the bit where he dreams his daughter is singing that retched "One Of These Days" song is nothing when you stand it next to the young stars of High School Musical. Hello Zac Efron and Vanesse Hudgens!!!!1omg


I think we all know that the High School Musical franchise is the greatest movie musical venture of all time. "Stick With The Status Quo" beats every song from a Fosse movie (if you can call them "movies", because, honey, they ain't!) All That Jazz has a song with FAST FOOD METAPHORS! What kind of message is that sending to audiences when they sing "Drop your diet/Have a ball/Don't stop with one/try them all." Perhaps All That Jazz is the reason why our world is becoming full of DISGUSTING OBESE PEOPLE! If they followed Ashley Tisdale's diet regime of a wilted lettuce leaf for breakfast, lunch and tea then maybe we'd all be better off!


This was a part of Lazy Eye Theatre's Bizarro Blog-a-Thon. Enjoy. Or not, as the case may be.

5 comments:

Ray said...

I became enflamed with rage when reading this post about High School Musical.

I was also glad that I did not become enflamed by that picture of Efron on the cover of Rolling Stone.

omg

www.therecshow.com

J.D. said...

WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO DEFEND ALL THE BIZARRO POSTS I SEE!?!?!?!?!?!?! I ask you!

And to be honest, I was offended by your nnusxxxy comment about Tisdale. She's awesome. And "Stick To The Status Quo" is actually good.

My brain sucks.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Well, that Status Quo song was the best one in the movie, but that ain't saying much.

And "Be Good To Me" by Ashley Tisdale is sort of a guilty pleasure for me *runs away and hides*

My original comments about HSM are here

Paxton Hernandez said...

Hahahaha, fcking hilarious. It was great. Sure I enjoyed it (your "great taste" review NOT the movie).

Emma said...

Oh, like totally!

Zac Efron is like da hottest eva!!! he deserves like a trillion oscars! the love story is soooooooooooooo realistic! and the songs were so well sung!