Fosse Shmossy

You know what movies are sooo overrated? All That Jazz and Cabaret directed by so-called "genius" Bob Fosse. If I had a dollar for ever time I'd heard pretentious wanky film obsessives say how great they are I could move to New York City and bash all those theare-going freaks with my mighty mighty fists.


I mean, honestly, who has even seen these movies? It's not even like they're that well known. Clearly they don't hold a candle to the brilliant stylings of High School Musical and High School Musical 2. Did Cabaret and All That Jazz even win two Emmys? I DON'T THINK SO! The High School Musical films have heart, y'all. Those films had the greatest choreography in the history of cinema/television/theatre. That "Keep Your Head In The Game" scene where the basketball players who all just said they hated singing and dancing all start, wait for it, singing and dancing to the beat of their basketballs is amazing. Compare that to the lazy "Mein Herr" from Cabaret and I think you know who comes out the victor.


Or what about All That Jazz? It claims to be a "musical" when really it's nothing of the sort. All the musical sequences are rehearsals for a stage show and at the end they're all FANTASY SEQUENCES! What the fuck? Who's ever heard of fantasy in the musical genre? Jesus Christ! That bit where the guy from Jaws is lying in his bed dying and then the next minute he's dancing with that black guy who is not Corbin Bleu? Or the bit where he dreams his daughter is singing that retched "One Of These Days" song is nothing when you stand it next to the young stars of High School Musical. Hello Zac Efron and Vanesse Hudgens!!!!1omg


I think we all know that the High School Musical franchise is the greatest movie musical venture of all time. "Stick With The Status Quo" beats every song from a Fosse movie (if you can call them "movies", because, honey, they ain't!) All That Jazz has a song with FAST FOOD METAPHORS! What kind of message is that sending to audiences when they sing "Drop your diet/Have a ball/Don't stop with one/try them all." Perhaps All That Jazz is the reason why our world is becoming full of DISGUSTING OBESE PEOPLE! If they followed Ashley Tisdale's diet regime of a wilted lettuce leaf for breakfast, lunch and tea then maybe we'd all be better off!


This was a part of Lazy Eye Theatre's Bizarro Blog-a-Thon. Enjoy. Or not, as the case may be.

Sorry

Nothing for you today. I have work and I'm very sick (but I need the $$$ so no sick days for me) so I'm not going to have the energy. But, to celebrate the DVD release today of not only my favourite television series of all time (the second season of Twin Peaks is finally released) but also my favourite movie of all time (All That Jazz comes out in a brand new special edition) I give you two YouTube clips.

The first is one of the single scariest moments ever, and it's from the Twin Peaks pilot. I remember seeing this for the first time on grainy VHS over five years ago (after seeing Mulholland Drive I went on a David Lynch spree) and it terrified me. Trust David Lynch to make even a traffic light ominous. But, the truly scary bit is... well. I'm not really sure what it is. But it sends shivers up my spine. Grace Zabriskie's screams are just so... loud. Don't whatever you do go to the clip's page and click on ANY of the other clips down the side though. They will ruin the mystery of Who Killed Laura Palmer.

The second clip is a song from All That Jazz. It's the big final number with Roy Scheider and Bob Vereen. Don't watch it if you don't want the ending spoiled. I guess you won't even know what's going on for most of it though.





How crazy is it that Twin Peaks and All That Jazz are released on the same day? I had pre-ordered them off Amazon so they should be arriving in a week or so. EEP!