I Like to Torture Myself

This is sort of just to remind me that there is a movie called Death Proof coming out on November 8 (we finally have a release date!) and that it really exists and it isn't just a whole lot of smoke and mirrors and inuendo and lies that the brothers Weinstein are pulling on us. I just need to keep repeating to myself "four months, five days, four months, five days, four months, five days..."

Needless to say, it's only slightly comforting. Especially when we are the last country on the planet* to get it. I dread to think what will be made of Planet Terror.



*Okay, so maybe not officially, but of all the countries with release dates, we are the last one. Uzbekistan doesn't have a release date, so that's something, I guess!

The Weinsteins are Equal Opportunists!

Two pieces of news regarding films I've discussed (Rogue) before (Grindhouse), both of which are being distributed by The Weinstein Co. and their devilish minions. Let it be known that the Weinstein brothers are equal opportunists when it comes to fucking around filmgoers. On the matter of Grindhouse came word, after it's disappointing threatical showing in April, that Death Proof and Planet Terror will be seperated around the world, effectively robbing us not only of a special moviegoing experience, but also of the extra $11 it's gonna cost to see the second movie (neither of which have release dates in Australia, thank you very much Harvey).

But, as I said, never one to rest on his laurels, Harvey has decided to fuck over Americans too (courtesy, JoBlo) with the DVD release. The DVD will not be of the movie that was shown in cinemas around the country (that'd be Grindhouse). No. The DVD will be a release of Quentin Tarantino's half Death Proof and that's it. Robert Rodriguez' Planet Terror is being shafted and won't be released on DVD until a later date.

Isn't that just crazy? I mean, is it really gonna hurt the Weinstein's that much to release Planet Terror too as a seperate release, even. Absolutely amazing that they have such contempt for moviegoers. If anything, a Grindhouse release should work better on DVD if many many bloggers/industry types/journalists are to be believed that the reason for Grindhouse's low box office was due to it's "excessive" length. Ugh. Anyway.

Second on the Weinstein's flag waving for equal oportunity mission is the release of Rogue. I didn't mention it on here but I told Ja over at My New Plaid Pants and he told of the news that the Weinsteins are waiting to see how well Greg McLean's anticipated Wolf Creek follow-up Rogue does in Australian release to then decide whether it should go wide, limited or straight-to-DVD for America.

Aren't you guys just so lucky?

I know I will be seeing Rogue and I don't see why it should flop here (I'm sure it'll be on the five or so Aussie flicks this year that actually gets an audience), but if it does and America (and everywhere else? Not sure) misses out then feel free to blast away like I did in relation to Grindhouse.

Nevertheless, the extremely long wait is over for new material in regards to Rogue. We've only seen about seven images online over the last two years. Now, over at Fangoria (via JoBlo) comes the trailer for the movie!!!! It's just under a minute long so you may be thinking it not much of a trailer, but they essentially cut out all the traditional "setup" stuff and jump straight into the action horror of a crocodile river feast. So good to see people like Radha Mitchell and Sam Worthington there. I can't wait.

Because the trailer doesn't come with an imbed option (and it's not available on YouTube or Daily Motion as far as I can tell) I took some screencaps for y'all. Enjoy the carnage if you can.


How picturesque... Greg McLean should direct a tourism commercial!


Radha Mitchell looks confused


Green murky water = scary


What is that man doing in the river at that time of night. He'll catch a cold!


This is no time for fun and games!


Sam Worthington = Bloody sexy, alright!


That's Stephen Curry. His character has a video camera. The character with the video camera pretty much always dies early. Sorry Stephen. I hear you were good in The King though!


That's gotta hurt!


It's like a horrendous before and after, isn't it?!


The only problem with Jaws? SHARKS AREN'T AMPHIBIOUS! Thus, this is bound to be automatically better.


We already know that person in the yellow Hawaiian shirt (ugh) dies. So long, pal.


So just a little scratch then, really.


Arial Black Bold font is so scary, y'all!

Anyway, I'm pumped. Now all we need is an official poster and for August 30 to roll around.

Don't Stop The Links

Online music bible PopJustice quite literally has a list of 100 things that aren't as good as Rihanna's new CD. The list of 100 things that Good Girl Gone Bad (which I thought was a bit of alright) is better than includes: "Trees", "The last Rihanna album", "The rare sight of a sheep sprinting across a field and jumping over a small stream", "The sight of a small child throwing themselves on the floor in the supermarket because they are not allowed a Kinder Surprise", "The last Beyonce album", "Seeing someone almost trip over in the street then pretending they meant to do it with some sort of elaborate and completely unconvincing cover-up", "Scotland", "Shower curtains", "Getting quite a good grade for an essay you knocked out in fifty minutes while coming down from a four-day-long drugs binge", "Shelves", "Bathroom radios in the shape of dolphins which don't really get any reception and take three batteries when you only ever have two lying around because you bought a packet of four batteries and EVERYTHING ELSE EVER INVENTED uses two batteries" and "Lampshades". It's pretty much all true. I now love the Ne-Yo duet, which is something I never thought I've ever imagine possible.

Scott over at Scott, To Be Certain has faith in Kelly Clarkson. "Never Again" is really kind of quite dull, but even though the album cover does look sort of like Amy Lee's own private fancy dress party, it is artsy and purdy and, well, let's face it, Kelly is so much better than Amy Lee who isn't exactly where it's at.

The Hollywood Reporter has the nominees for the Key Art Awards. They are the only awards group, as far as I know, that gives out awards for marketings. There are some great posters and trailers nominated. Although why the Devil Wears Prada's trailer wasn't nominated can be explained easily (it's just the opening scene, basically), you also can't deny how effective it was (everyone wanted to see the movie immediately after watching it).

Hmmm. Clearly the winner of the Best Drama Poster category will be Hard Candy because, let's face it, that poster was about as amazing as finding something at the charity op shop for a fiver and then going on Antiques Roadshow and discovering it's actually worth, like, 100 times that much and then you get to do that face that they all do. You know the one. The mix of "wow, who cares if this is a family heirloom, I just made a thousand bucks" and "oh, yes, that's about what I expected."

I share Ja's immense pain: You can locate such pain here, here, here, here and, well for some it's more a pain in their pants, but here too. Kristen is yummy. (please, nobody mention any spoilers though!)

I continue to be a firm believer that Brangelina have been replaced by hideous wax robots (picking up all those adopted babies must have made Ange's arms really skinny, right?). I wish they wouldn't compare Brad to Robert Redford. Cause, seriously.

So, in Box Office Prophets entertaining Monday Morning Quarterback segment they discuss last weekend's quite giant $122mil opening for Shrek the Third (roughly $7mil more than Shrek 2). I ask this: Is this the quietest $100mil ever. Has anyone seen this movie? And if they have, have they even mentioned it. Nobody other than Dave Poland seems to be talking (and it ain't positive). My favourite part of the Quarterback article was this line "I compare Shrek to Pixar as Family Guy is to the Simpsons. The Shrek films appeal directly to the "Oh, I get jokes" crowd." As y'all know I sorta loathe that franchise.

Speaking of Dave Poland, he had lunch with Sarah Polley. As I say in the comments, I'm glad she's apparently done so well behind the camera because her on camera work reached it's nadir (but it wasn't as low as Marcia Gay Harden's, *snicker*).

Adam poses a head-scratcher. I can't for the life of me guess who he's talking about. I'll take a stab at it though... umm... oh! Lisa Scott-Lee?!?! No? Oh... damn. (Don't feel bad for not getting that. Nobody really gets Lisa Scott Lee. Except Lisa Scott Lee, of course.) There's a picture of Lisa to your right. She's knitting with giant needles and a ball of wool that is five sorts of "That's Huge!" Wait, why am I going off onto a Lisa Scott-Lee tangent or all possibly tangents.

And lastly, following on from all my harping about Grindhouse (it still tortures my soul to this very day, teehee) it was with hightened interest that I follow it's Cannes fate. I'd find it incredibly amusing if Death Proof (the now elongated segment of Grindhouse that is competing for the prestigious Palme d'Or) won an award. How about Best Actor for Kurt Russell? Or some wildly inventive special prize created by the jury as a means of, effectly, masturbating all over Quentin Tarantino. Some still don't like it much some apparently had a blast and if this quote is anything to go by (and, with Cannes audiences, you never know what's truthful and what's a big fat lie.)

Judging by the whoops of delight and loud cheering the new version received at its premiere on the Croisette this was a very good idea.

I can only hope it's true and that the Weinsteins and Village Roadshow get the fuck on with releasing these movies. Seriously. NOW.

An Open Letter To Everyone Who Didn't See Grindhouse

Dear People Who Didn't See Grindhouse,

From the bottom of my heart I thank you. I thank you a thousand times over. Thank you for completely fucking us over. Thank you for ruining it for everyone else. Thank you for destroying one of my most anticipated moviegoing events of the year. Thank you for making us pay double to see what you could have seen for the price of one. Thanks a lot. I hope you're really freakin' happy!

Love, Glenn

PS; If you didn't see Grindhouse but frequently have good taste in films then you are exempt from my burning hatred. The rest though... I hope their eyes explode from watching Norbit on DVD too many times.

From MovieHole

As discussed in this weeks Caffeinated Clint, the heavily anticipated "Grindhouse" has been pulled from its May release slot in Australia and postponed till later in the year - at which time it will be split into two separate movies.

Roadshow Film Distributors confirmed this today, in the following email :

In keeping with the theatrical release plans for all territories outside of the US, GRINDHOUSE will now be released as two separate theatrical features:
DEATH PROOF directed by Quentin Tarantino and PLANET TERROR directed by Robert Rodriguez.
Quentin Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF is premiering in the Cannes Film Festival in May. The Australian release of DEATH PROOF will be later in the year and will be followed by the release of PLANET TERROR.

Sad indeed. How about we fuck off a few of the Norbits, Night at the Museum's and Wild Hogs' and make way for some original, fine-ass, content again? I suppose we should probably start with writing in a new rule for studio employees : 'no former accountants to play studio development chiefs'.

Also, they're remaking Fame. I... I... I... *cries*

What Do You Americans Want?!?

Seriously. I'm fairly sure it's not YOU Americans (the ones reading this) but I honestly just cannot believe this. A Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez horror action flick (semi) flops, yet Blade of Glory and Are We Done Yet are hits? In-freakin-sane. I hope all these people who made this happen are happy when we get more awful Ice Cube family films and less metafilms from people such as Tarantino. HAPPY LIKE A BITCH.

Also. We'll get less films with Rose McGowen and a machine gun for a leg.

(the discussion continues in the comments)

The Best Film of 2007

I have no doubt that Tarantino+Rodriguez's ultra-violent brute-fest that is Grindhouse will be at least one of the best films of 2007. It looks too good to be true, I know, and usually that sort of thing ends with the film being shithouse, but... but... Did you see that trailer? If Rose McGowen with a machine gun leg isn't an orgasmic sight to you then I'm not sure your brain is working properly. :P

Anyway, check out the delicious poster design. This movie's marketing already gets a 10/10. What lies ahead for this horror action bloodfest?




Thanks to Ja for the wonderful pictures of Rose MaChinegun.