13 Thoughts About Ocean's 13

I'm a little bit worse for wear today (too much alcohol, too many cigarettes, too much dancing) but I told myself I had to crawl out of bed and stop watching The Closer episodes on DVD and to have a shower and wake myself up. Now that I am I present to you seven pros and six cons about Ocean's 13, which I saw last weekend.

PROS
Scott Caan and Casey Affleck - Somebody give these guys a spinoff or a sitcom where Caan is the lovable slob and Affleck is his finicky, but well-meaning best friend. Caan makes pizzas at his father's pizza place (constantly resulting in hilarious ethnic comedy gold) while Affleck has just finished law school and is trying to become a high powered lawyer. Can they get along? Will it end in tears? Will it win an Emmy? I say YES!

Mexico - I know it's just an extension of the above, but any scene in the Mexican factory was a riot. Seriously. SPINOFF! (okay, not seriously, but you catch my drift.)

Oprah - Because me and my movie-going friend Georgie both turned to each other and went "I've seen that episode!" The one where the woman has, like, 43 kids and so Oprah gives them a house and such. It was pretty awesome.

Ellen Barkin - She's totally bonkers, but she's a hoot.

The Heist - Once it really gets into motion is delightfully entertaining, much like in Ocean's 11. But definitely not like Ocean's 12. I always like seeing (in anything like this) how all the pieces are going to fit together and such. I'm one of those people that likes the "a ha!" moment when you notice something that most people probably caught onto scenes back. But, whatever, y'all don't know me.

The cinematography - "Peter Andrews" always does great work and he does a great job with the widescreen canvas. Loved the shots against the deep blue night sky.

Vincent Cassell - No reason why exactly. I just like looking at him.


CONS
George and Brad - They're sleepwalking to the nth degree. Perhaps it was a deliberate attempt to try and get more people to focus on the peripheral character (like, possibly, Affleck and Caan?) but that still doesn't mean they have to look as if they're just biding time between margaritas between takes.

Some of the first half - Much like the one above, it felt like the movie was cruising for a while on the uber-ness of the film itself. Like they were all just making it up as they went along. I'm all for movies to look like the cast was having loads of fun, but when they're having loads of fun off camera it sometimes means they're not as "on" when they're on camera. Get it?

Bernie Mac - The one problem with ensemble films such as this is that they make casting based on who's hot at the time and I guess Mac was popular for a while back in 2001 (hard to believe, but true) which means we have to continue watching him. It's not entertaining, nor will he ever be.

The Godfather jokes - I liked Caan and Affleck playing a characters called Turk and Virgil (as in James Caan's "Virgil the Turk"), but geez, it seemed they shoved half the Godfather dialogue into the film and other references to the films what with Caan, Garcia and now Pacino in on it too.

Bernie Mac - Nope. Still don't like him.

Thirteen - There weren't thirteen members of the plan. Ugh.

IN CONCLUSION
B-

Nathaniel's Movie Meme

I got tagged. And by none other than Nat. This movie-themed meme is gonna be super-fun. Enjoy. I get to tag three people at the end, so you better do it, bitches.

1. Popcorn or candy?

Well, it depends. If I'm about to sit down to a serious movie, I kinda prefer neither. If I'm seeing a movie by myself I prefer candy (typically maltesers). But if I'm with friends (which is usually the case) and we're not seeing something like United 93 then it's popcorn. Popcorn all the way!

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.

I've seen a few of these movies over the last year or so (such as The Godfather trilogy), but there are still a whole tonne of them. I think the title that I keep trying to see but never actually doing so is Schindler's List. Many other classic titles are either hard to find down here or not available at all.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom?

I'm gonna limit this to stuff that's occured in my Oscar-watching years. Otherwise i wouldn't know where to start. Now, I'm not going to take it off of Halle Berry for Monster's Ball because, well, there are just so many other worthy contenders for the prize and I suppose the whole "first black woman" thing was good. I'm not even gonna take it off of Renee Zellweger for Cold Mountain because if she didn't win it then she would've been nominated another 2 times since. And, shock of shocks, I'm not even going to steal it off of Hilary Swank for Million Dollar Baby or Jamie Foxx for Ray - two of my most despised winners of recent years because without them to insult and barrate who else is there (apart from Paul Giamatti?)?? So, no, I'm going to take it off of RON HOWARD for his "direction" (read: followed the template from a directing-for-dummies book) of A Beautiful Mind. I would then give it to the best director of our generation, Mr David Lynch for his work on Mulholland Drive. That is directing, folks.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be?

Okay, I wouldn't look anywhere near as cool, fashionable or sexy in it, but the red jacket, white tee and denim jeans worn by James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause? How about a Hell Yes!

5. Your favorite film franchise is...

Hmmm. Whenever I consider this question there are always too answers: The Scream franchise and the Terminator franchise. I even heart the third installments of each of these series, despite the general concensus being that they're shithouse.

6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?

I'm excluding dead people, unfortunately

1. Hugh Jackman, cause duh. He's Hugh freakin' Jackman. Plus he and Meryl (see below) could do a duet
2. Jamie Bell, cause then I could try and turn him homo and we could live forever and ever (remember, we're only 5 months apart in age)
3. Gina Gershon, cause we need some sexy profanity-laced laughs, plus me and her can recreate my favourite Showgirls scenes as light entertainment between meals
4. Nicole Kidman, so I can be in her presence. She and Hugh would be able to share many a story cause they're old friends.
5. Meryl Streep, cause she's a hoot and she's smart and she's probably really interesting.

I'd serve them whatever my cook decided to make (cause bitch plz, if I'm living in a world where famous people can come to dinner with me, I also live in a world where I have a chef working for me, okay!)

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

They should have to stand at the exit of the cinema when the movie finishes and people can take their suitable brand of justive out on them. They're horrible cretenous creatures.

8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.

Well, The Bride knows the five point palm trick (whatever it was called) so that would be pretty damn useful, but I can't see her getting away with carrying around that giant sword in many places. Still, she knows how to handle a gun as well, so The Bride it is. I mean, she can take of 88 crazy Japanese men, that's pretty darn impressive!

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?

The final scene of The Blair Witch Project. Terrifying.

10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?

Well, musicals and horror are two genres that, when I really like the films, I REALLY like them. But they are filled with just as much crap as good stuff. But, I'd still say them because I get a general thrill outta watching them and I actively seek them out (unlike comedies or whatever) and I like to see as many as possible even if they are bad.


11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?

I greenlight a bunch of musicals with good directors and stars (think Hugh Jackman). I greenlight some good horror titles. I rid Martin Lawrence, Tim Allen, Hilary Swank, Jamie Foxx, Paul Giamatti and various others from my studio. I axe all comedies that cost over $75 million. I axe all dramas that haven't cast someone talented in the lead. I will create several titles that cost a small amount, but that would play well in the arthouses and eventually be great Oscar candidates but would appear to be surprises and I could go "Wow! We just didn't expect this film to do as well as it is. It's the little movie that could!". I'd limit CGI animated movies to 2 a year. One in the first half, one in the second - but they must be of quality and must not be filled to the brim with NAMES, cause that's just lazy and boring. I wouldn't greenlight a single remake unless it was of something that was crap in the first place and that would actually turn out good this time around (so no When a Stranger Calls moments of crapiness first AND second time around). Also, sequels will be kept to 2 a year, so as that way not to burn out all possible franchises in one go (too many sequels in one year means people get tired of them all bar a few)

12. Bonnie or Clyde?

Clyde cause... ya know... he's Warren Beatty.


13. Who are you tagging to answer this survey?

I tag Adam, Emma and Simon. DO IT!!!