Now Featuring Hilary Swank!

I should be sleeping, I know. I was over at RottenTomatoes just sniffing around to see what was what (you know what? Grindhouse has 81% fresh and is competing for the Palme D'or in Cannes, that's what!) and I came across this curious, but ever so chuckle-enducing ad for a feature they have that ranks the worst reviewed movies of all time. I just love the adage "Now with The Reaping". I do give Hilary a hard time occasionally (occasionally?) but this should raise a laugh out of anyone. Although maybe they should have alternate ads. One with The Reaping another that reads "Now with Wild Hogs" or "Now with Norbit" or "Now with Are We Done Yet?" or... well, you get the picture.

Nice White Ladies can do anything, dawg

You don't know me! Look at you in that sweater-vest you wearing and that adorable pattern blouse. What you think is gonna happen here? You think you gonna inspire me? You think you gonna break through my tough girl act and teach me the beauty inside? You think you gonna make me do and feel things that I never have never had before? All because you a non-threatening kind-hearted beautiful white lady. Is that you think? Well you wrong. We fight for our lives in these streets.

This speaks for itself doesn't it? Seeing the trailer for Freedom Writers at, seemingly, every movie I go see, just makes me wanna watch Dangerous Minds and forgot that Freedom Writers was ever made. And this one doesn't even have "Gangster's Paradise". I have to review the soundtrack for work though!

But, still, this sketch is a hoot no matter what. Nice White Lady... coming to a cinema near you.

Courtesy !!! omg blog !!!

Thanks

So, for some reason, the numbers of people coming here to Stale Popcorn in the last few days has been substantially higher (in comparison to what it was before, so at the moment it's still pretty miniscule), but my StatCounter account is telling me that 50%, from a random selection of 100 readers, are from an unknown and unidentified resource. I'm wondering where they're coming from. Anybody have any ideas.

Anyway, stick around. It's pretty cool around here. Unless you're that person who sent me hate mail for ragging on Hilary Swank. That was strange.

Cinema of the Absurd - The Black Dahlia

THE BLACK DAHLIA (2006, dir. Brian De Palma)


It’s been over a week now since I saw Brian De Palma’s The Black Dahlia and, as others have mentioned, it’s a very confounding picture. It’s not the type of movie you just sit down and whip up a few hundred or so words about off the cuff. It’s an incredibly strange creature of a film, if you can even call it a film. I mean, it has all the traits of a film – actors, sets, costumes, dialogue, etc – but I can’t possibly think of any movie it even slightly resembles. There are similarities between it and many others, but The Black Dahlia is a truly one-of-a-kind experience. It’s not a movie you should sit down to watch if you want coherence, acting or a clear resolution. No. It’s the sort of film you sit down to watch and just let it wash over you. Just dive head first into the wacky tobacky bong water that De Palma was clearly drinking on the set.

The Black Dahlia is a movie at seemingly complete odds with itself. Consider. On one hand it is so professionally tailored, yet nobody and nothing quite fits. The lead roles are all filled by hapless wolf in sheeps clothing actors yet the fringes are filled with electric, vibrant performances. De Palma has crafted many astonishing memorable sequences yet they seem more like jigsaw pieces just kind of floating around being placed anywhere at whim without any thought as to if they fit or not. The movie plays itself as the mystery surrounded the Black Dahlia herself yet at some times it feels as if De Palma (and screenwriter Josh Friedman, it must be noted) loses interest and just films whatever he wants cause the cast showed up to the set. On one hand the central mystery is such a mindbogglingly confusing maze, yet when it comes down to the murderer’s reveal it’s as if they just played eeny-meeny-miny-mo with the cast.


This movie really has no idea where it’s going until it realises the 2 hour mark is approaching and they have to end. Characters disappear because… well, we don’t know. They get throwaway lines alluding to a drug addictions or a deep dark secrets or such and such yet nothing is made from it. Scenes take place that lead nowhere. De Palma just gets bored half way through a scene and cuts to something else that he thought looked pretty.

This is truly inept filmmaking. But, ya know what, it’s totally fascinating. I dare a hardcore cinephile to sit down and watch this movie and not find something positively riveting. Sure, when all is said and done, the movie is a wreck, but what a wreck. It’s hilarious. Watch as actors like Scarlett Johansson, Hilary Swank, Josh Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart play around in Mummy and Daddy’s clothes (even Eckhart, approaching 40 seems out of place). Swank puts on a curiously shapeshifting accent and wig. Johansson amps the cleavage up to 100 but drowns in all her cashmire and fur. The camp drag queen appearance skyrockets with it. Hartnett drowns in said accents, cleavage and cashmire. And Eckhart? Well… he plays his character as if he’s just been to a 1940s sleuth movie marathon and he decided to impersonate the lead actors to the nth degree.

People will compare it to LA Confidential and that movie was positively in the era. The Black Dahlia is sort of just transported into the area and the cast seem to be doing whatever they can to fit in. It’s sorta hilarious.


But as I’ve said, next to all the bad, there is fascinating bizarre stuff. Fiona Shaw plays a character that is so unhinged that it’s amazing she even exists in his movie, or any movie at all for that matter. If I thought The Black Dahlia was unlike any film I’ve ever seen before, then Shaw’s performance (as Swank’s slightly perculiar mother) is an even deeper form of crazy. She only appears in two scenes, but when she’s there (from the very first shot of her) the film jumps several tracks and becomes the deranged David Lynch noir that is just begging to get out throughout – think of Grace Zabriskie in Twin Peaks and you get a similar idea. Shaw’s performance is the very definition of a Supporting role. She takes the films by the horns and does what the actual leads should be doing. She makes everyone else around her look better simply by being in her presence. It also helps that it’s probably the funniest performance of the year too (funnier than Cohen, Jacobson, etc). It’s essentially what Gina Gershon did in Showgirls, but with less tit flashing.

Mia Kirshner gives good work too as the Black Dahlia herself seen in flashbacks as sad sorry little creature. She reminded me of Laura Palmer (again, from Twin Peaks) in that she new she was heading down a rabbit hole she couldn’t get out of. Rose McGowen shows up briefly to show us why she should be the go-to-gal for big-breasted witty characters. kd lang even shows up to sing an exotic version of Cole Porter’s “Love For Sale” surrounded by erotic female dancers (a funny touch, I thought.)


And there’s no denying that the film is, essentially, flawless when it comes to things such as art direction, costume design, cinematography and music. And all that just continues to fascinate. When you’re not staring at the beautiful scenery you’re holding back tears of laughter from the stupendous acting and dialogue. When you’re not devouring the many, many, many stunning and memorable individual sequences (I haven’t even discussed them! I could talk for hours…) you’re getting whiplash from wondering how the previous scene lead to the next.

Movies like The Black Dahlia are rare. A movie so hopelessly bad, yet it is because it’s very badness that makes it so fascinating. It would’ve been easy to make a mediocre movie, but everybody is trying to infinity and beyond that I am reminded of that old quote: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”



On the Absurdity Scale from 1-5, I rate The Black Dahlia a 4
It's stupendously absurd!
For a proper grade? B+ (or C- if you don’t have a sense of humour)