I'm sure I've joked around before claiming that I could have designed some of the posters Hollywood shoves into cinemas, but in all honesty (and here I am admitting it), I probably couldn't. But that stops here. Because, no doubt, I could have designed this poster. I could have conceived it, designed it, created it in Photoshop and then printed it off on glossy paper and claimed it was a flyer. No freakin' shit. I kid you not. Surely this is one of the laziest posters ever, right? I mean, really? THIS? This is what they want to represent their movie? It looks like a really low-grade airport pulp fiction novel or something.
I assume that this poster was made using $5 petty cash. The left over change from that $5 probably bought coffee for a couple of people on-set.
My god. I sort can't even believe they bothered to release this poster. I even put this question out there: Is the image used in the bottom half of the poster (the heavily saturated image of a man in chains) actually a discarded image taken during a photo session for Michael Winterbottom's (Mighty Heart's director) last film Road to Guantanamo. No kidding. Click the image to your left to look at the Guantanamo poster in full-size.
I also hypothesise that Dan Futterman obviously must've done something to piss off the poster designer. I am completely aware that he is apparently only in it for quite a small amount of time, but he still constitutes as a worthy name. I mean, he is playing Daniel Pearl afterall.
And speaking of Pearl, there is not one single mention of who or what this film is even about. The cliched tagline - "It was an event that shocked the world. This is the story you haven't heart." *yawn* - doesn't mention what this shocking event was. The title doesn't give a clue. The only thing I can gather is that Angelina has a perm.
...oh! Wait, now I get it. Angelina with a perm = the event that shocked the world. Okay, It makes sense now.
As for the film, it premiers at Cannes. Being a film by Michael Winterbottom, I predict it will be tediously slow, feature lots of scenes of people talking about nothing (and not in the self-referencial way) and maybe a nudie scene (though not of Angelina. She don't do that stuff anymore). I also predict that it will feel like 20 years of my life is flashing by in quick succession that can only be matched by the latest Catherine Breillat film.