May 6, 2007
Spidey Sense is Not So Tingly Anymore
**This is a very hastily written unstructured response to Spider-Man 3, which I just got home from.**
Yeah, so I'm glad Spider-Man 2 is so good, because Spider-Man 3 is most definitely not. Painfully bad. That dialogue is terrible parts (I find it funny that there's a scene of Kirsten and James reading bad dialogue from a play he wrote in 12th grade because some of the dialogue here sounds like it was written by a 17-year-old whose only experience with writing dialogue is from listening to how people speak in movies).
So many scenes of people discussing their feelings. ugh. Who wants that? But then when it came to the action sequences they weren't exactly thrilling. They were kinda cool for a while but they all went too long and usually involved dodgy CGI - the crane sequence had particularly bad effects. The glass shattering was terrible looking.
Why don't they ever mention the deaths that Spider-Man doesn't prevent? Like all the people who got crushed by a big skyscraper exploding and debris flying everywhere?
So many characters! We don't need three villains. Three barely-there villains. Venom was only in it for the final act and Sandman? Well, he had the best visual effects of the movie but the character is incredibly silly. The whole sand transfusion bit is not explained at all. What were these scientists trying to do? If their aim was merging sand with a physical being then where was it? Ugh. And there was no explanation of how he figured out how to do any of the things he could do, like turn into a big giant sand monster, or fly through the city. And his locket never turned to sand despite all his clothes changing. And that big truck of sand was ridiculous. I can't imagine many trucks filled with sand driving around New York City, can you?
Oh, Gwen Stacey! So pointless. She was such a non-factor I'll probably forget she was even in the film by Tuesday. And, no offence because I really like her, but Bryce Dallas Howard looked awful. She, in real life, has red hair and fair skin, so giving her bleach blonde hair made her look anemic or something.
And don't even get me started on that ridiculous Saturday Night Fever moment and the musical sequence at the jazz club. Just dreadful. I know the aim was to show Peter's newly formed dark side but, jesus christ, we already knew! We got the picture (by the way, after fighting with Sandman in the subway, where did Peter's clothes come from? Does he have secret stashes of clothes spread throughout the city?)
It's too long. I know Spider-Man 3 was only 20 minutes longer than 2, but those are 20 long painful minutes of people talking about feelings and forgiveness and all that junk. I like character development, but when it's in the form of old bitties expensing plainly obvious advice then I don't. Did ANYONE care about all the flashbacks to Peter's uncle, either? I doubt it.
The end reminded me of Return of the King when it just kept going and going. Why did they have to have everyone cry? Ending it on a sappy moment was not good. I mean, I was a huge fan of the "Go get 'em tiger" ending for 2. It was fun and it was slightly cheeky and felt right. Here it just.... nothing. Forced tears. How incredibly disappointing. C-, or I might be generous and give it a C for Bruce Campbell.
No. C- it is.
The two friends I saw it with didn't like it either. And I'm not sure it was a hit with the audience I saw it with. A lot of people were clearly restless and getting tired of it all. Lots of people shuffling in their seats, chatting amongst themselves and munching on food.