The '80s Broke My Heart

The title will make sense if you read this entry, never you mind. I've enthused about Robbie Williams' Rudebox album before, but for the last few days one of the very best tracks from the album, that would be "The '80s", has routinely been popping up when I put my iPod or iTunes on shuffle. It's weird when that stuff happens (not as weird as when I got five songs in a row about domestic violence, eep). So I've had the song ruminating through my mind a lot. And for no other reason than it's really blood hot outside and I can't be bothered typing much (I got the lyrics from somewhere else but they were wrong so I'm not linking). Enjoy, "The '80s". There are the lyrics, but because you really need to hear the song in order to "get" it, there's some random YouTube clip someone made of shots of Robbie over the song. The song is cheeky and funny and over-the-top and bonkers and sorta sad (hi miscarriage) and I love it to death.

I smoked Consulate and Park Drive
Drank Newcy Brown, learned how to skive
Polo mints to hide my breath from my Mum
Did a little weed 'cause it felt like fun
Did a little speed if my friends had some
Nicked Volkswagon badges, I'm a Beastie Boys son
Me so horny, me so young, and I still get my washing done

Auntie Jo died of cancer, God didn't have an answer
Rhythm was a dancer, any room for a chancer
That's me in the corner, thanks Sir
Wore a Troop track suit, British Nike shoes
Kangol hat like L.L. Cools
Before I was havin' it, havin' it large
They nicked the BMX from out my garage

And I knew it was Tire from off the estate
'Cause every time I see him he smiled like we were mates
From then on in, I'd have to walk to me Nan's
And I'd dream my dreams through a sea of prams
Like a hooligan on the football stands and I threw the V's to Leeds and West Ham
And then I ran, I ran so far away
Down Scotia Road to a taxi bay
Then I ran again 'cause I couldn't pay
Young Muslim didn't get his fare that day
I apologise today

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80's broke my heart

And who are you calling poof?
You like Wham, man
I hate that stuff
And then my Granddad died and left a hole in the family
And lots of women there to nanny me

School was a laugh, they didn't have ADD
Thick was the term they used for me
Over and over, repeatedly, over and over
Take my breathe away, pass the bidley bidley bidley bidley bong
Pass it on the left hand side
Right turn, Clyde

That girl in the fourth year got pregnant
She was raised Catholic, brilliant
I cried, she cried, we cried
A youth died

Drank cider in the cemetery
The year above us had discovered 'E'
And I said it weren't for me
Twelve pounds fifty
I could rob my mum's purse and buy one off Chalky

Met a girl on Monday, drank fizzy pop on Tuesday
Fingered her on Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday, and on Saturday
Dumped by Sunday

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80's broke my heart
The wonder years I've played my part
That's how the 80's broke my heart

I lost my virginity to a girl called Anne-Marie
Well, she said she fancied me
And then she said "Fuck me" and I thought "fuck me"
I'm all talk and it'll be over too quickly
And it was but I couldn't care less
I'd seen a girl's paw, made a mess on her dress
Oh yes, you're now rocking with the best
Second person in my year that had seen a breast

I'm in my 30s now and I'm still impressed
Why the Falklands Mum? and what have they done?
Where do girls come? Where do girls come from? Where do girls come from?
It's the 80's what you looking at, you mong
So young, so long, so young, so long
Too short, so long
What you looking at, you mong
Too short, so long, too short, so long
So long