November 28, 2006

Philippe Mora is a dumbass

Let us remember who Phillipe Mora is by checking out his IMDb filmography. Yes, he is indeed the man who brought Howling III: The Marsupials into the world (which I, funnily enough, watched just the other night. I know it's pretty fruitless saying how bad it is, but really. What a terrible terrible movie that was).

So I found it particularly rich of him to write article called Nightmares for the Dream Factory at the Sydney Morning Herald. What a load of garbage! Let me give y'all some quotes from his oft-chucklesome piece about the dire state of Hollywood. And then remember that this man Directed/Wrote/Produced titles such as the afore-mentioned Howling III: The Marsupials and Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills. I wish Mr Mora was here to read this because then he might realise how pathetic his "argument" is.

I'm not kidding. Film scripts were once written by Truman Capote, John Steinbeck, William Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Norman Mailer, Dorothy Parker, Tennessee Williams … Now they are based on comic strips.

So, in one sweeping sentence, he just completely disregarded every single worthwhile screenwriter in the world. But, I suppose he has a point. I mean, all these award winning screenwriters in the world can't possibly live up the high standards that Mora has set up with titles such as Howling III: The Marsupials, Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills, Art Deco Detective and Snide & Prejudice. WHAT HOPE DO THE REST OF US HAVE, MR MORA?!?

For obvious reasons, the media focus on the most marketed "tent pole" films. The studios now live or die by the gross takings from the first weekend or the even first night of their films. The rule of thumb is that a film's total gross will be twice the takings of its opening weekend. This model has driven quality down radically because studios concentrate on hyping the first days. Films don't have to be any good, just marketable on a fast-food basis.

I'm sure you would've kept pumping out dumb-as-fuck Howling movies if people gave a damn. And get your facts straight, studios don't go on the basis that "a film's total gross will be twice the takings of its opening weekend". Maybe doing some research would give you an actual figure. And, for what it's worth, is anybody shocked at hearing that Hollywood makes movies for *gasp* profit and that they lapse on the quality. They've been doing this since film began you daft twit.

Interestingly, and kind of under the radar in this era of boring testosterone movies, when $US100 million is routinely spent on movies for teenagers with pimples, the most successful and profitable films aside from studio "tent pole" productions are films based on the lives of famous or infamous people in history and a curious sub-genre, movies about weddings.

YOU'RE STUPID. Stop being such a generalising whiney bitch. Why aren't you out there making biopics and wedding movies if they're apparently so fantastically profitable. God you're a dumb fuck. Again, maybe doing some research would help. How about comedies (movies like Borat and Wedding Crashers were made for cheap but made tonnes of cash at the box office) or how about horror movies (routinely made for less than $20mil, yet routinely grossing $100mil). I suppose if he said horror or comedy though then he'd have to defend his own movies that fall into that category and, well, let's face it, there is no defending The Beast Within or Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch (which sits a delightful #32 on IMDb's Bottom 100, a mere 10 spots higher than the #42 ranked Howling III: The Marsupials - WAY TO GO! You're improving!)

Some audiences respond to stories about real people and the human condition, and dialogue with more than one syllable a word. Despite studio market research that is sometimes akin to voodoo and often results in generic, homogenised movies, films celebrating an interesting person attract an audience.

Firstly, "pterodactyl" is more than on syllable so CONGRATULATIONS on breaking down that barrier, and secondly - do you not understand the movie business at all? If a certain kind of movie makes money then more will be made. It's not rocket science you naffwit. I'm so sorry that you're a complete and utter idiot that you can't realise that not everybody wants artistically unique and thought-provoking films every week of the year.

Three recent films in the budget range of $US25 million did very well: The Hours (about Virginia Woolf), Finding Neverland (about J. M. Barrie) and Shakespeare in Love (about Shakespeare). All three films appeared to appeal to the literate demographic that is generally ignored.

I'd hardly call The Hours a Virginia Woolf biopic, nor Shakespeare in Love a Shakespeare biopic.

Other recent movies in this genre include Infamous, Walk the Line, Ray, Pollock, Fur, Marie Antoinette, King of Scotland [sic], Hollywoodland, Copying Beethoven, Bobby and The Aviator. There are also feature documentaries that cross over into the genre such as The US vs John Lennon.

Well, if you can name so many of these titles off the top of your head then surely there's plenty of films out there for this audience. And, seriously, one glance at the US box office shows that there are many films for adults out there, yet they're choosing not to the see them. And it just makes fiscal sense to not release movies like Fur in places with one main road and a man who sits on his porch screaming abuse at people.

The wedding picture is now also a profitable staple. In fact, let's declare it a new, full-on genre that should stand beside horror, action, science fiction and so on. In fact, you would be hard-pressed to find a studio that is not preparing another wedding movie.

Just a smattering of successful wedding titles will give you the picture: Four Weddings and a Funeral, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, The Wedding Crashers, The Wedding Singer, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Muriel's Wedding and American Wedding. Don't forget the new French hit I Do, or Prete-moi ta main.


It wouldn't have to do with the fact that these (bar one or two) are romantic comedies (ya know, a genre that's been around for donkey's years). Wedding Crashers and American Wedding were hardly successful because they had a wedding in them. I'm sure doing a keyword search on IMDb for "Wedding" sure came in handy, didn't it?

God it's good to bitch someone out like that. It really is. That was truly one of the worst pieces of "journalism" I've ever read.

No comments: