January 16, 2006


Kingdom of Heaven (2005, dir. Scott) - Ridley Scott? What on earth have you done?! This movie is bad. BAD.

Firstly, it is simply just boring.

Secondly, while I am no scholar on the subject I do know a bit but this film still made absolutely no sense to me until the final battle. I knew who was who then!

Thirdly, What performances! Orlando Bloom provides possibly the first character arc that can be demonstrated through his facial hair - by the end he's a man with a beard. Jeremy Irons should be ashamed of his performance here. I'm surprised the veins in his neck haven't exploded. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson? His character is so... blah. He arrives. Say some stuff. Dies. So pointless. Eva Green was passable, although she lacked the spirit she showd in The Dreamers. The only good (no, GREAT) performance was Edward Norton AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIS FACE!!!

Fourthly (?), costumes and sets and make up were good, but it was so hard to care.

Fifthly (that's not even a word, is it?)... bad.


Madagascar (2005, dir. some dreamworks schmoes) - I'm barely gonna discuss this because it frustrates me so. However, it had SOME chuckles but that's about it. It was barely a movie though. I did however LOVE the obvious racial stereotyping. The big mamma hippo and the crazy-wanna-get-out-of-the-ghetto/zoo zebra were voiced by black people, while the king of the jungle (and the zoo) was voiced by a white guy. If they had made the DRUG-ADDICT GIRAFFE an african-american I would've screamed. And seriously - i know it's an animated kids movie but why did they have to make the New York City Zoo look like a freakin concentration camp! Concrete, Concrete Everywhere! So bizarre. And also - a spoof of American Beauty? That only be worse if I knew this movie wasn't from Dreakworks. C

God, I really had Dreamworks. REALLY. It seems so hard for them to make a good movie, and those that are (Wallace & Gromit, Match Point aren't even technically Dreamworks - ugh.

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