I present to you a monologue spoken by Emily Blunt.
What is it? Why is it? So many unanswered questions filter through my brain like the millions of neurons that surround them.
Is it really as bad as they say? You see, I've been re-evaluating my religious stand as of late and I decided that yes. Yes there is a God. And if there is a God then surely there is a Heaven, right? Maybe in death we all do go to a magical afterlife. We go to a place surrounded by cool dead people like Marissa Cooper, Captain America and that hampster I had as a kid, Mittens. And there's people there who can hoola hoop for hours. Hoola Hoop while hopping on one leg. Omigod. Hoola Hoop Hopping. Try saying that ten times fast.
Is there even such a thing as death? If there is a heaven then do we actually go through the process of death, and instead just have our souls transfered between one world and the next. You know. From the world of reality television and Wild Hogs-inspired remakes on to the world of edible palm trees and neverending meals-on-wheels.
If this is really what death is like then, yes, sign me up right now. I want to skip the illustrious award-strewn career and the pink house in the Hollywood Hills as an old person who only comes out to celebrate the 75th anniversary of anything. I want to move straight from my current life of eye shadow and snarky comebacks and move right onto the other world.
Because I have indeed seen the light and I want to pass my newfound wisdom onto you. There are worse things than death!!!!
Oh, wait. I'm trapped in a car and those are gas fumes not happy lala magical oxygen. Oh... so this is death. Okay, this is pretty shit. Oh, crap. I never thought I'd die because of a freakin' wind chill. Honestly. I feel ripped off. I blame Wild Hogs