October 9, 2007

From the Vault: When Bad Posters Strike: Wind Child

I discovered today that I had a "When Bad Posters Strike" entry written up for Wind Chill saved in a word document that I just casually forgot to put into a blogger box and click "Publish" on. Perhaps I'll share them with you now because I can't think of anything else to write about. I don't ever remember this movie being released into anything more than a handful of cinemas so it's not even particularly mis-timed. Just consider it here for future reference.


I present to you a monologue spoken by Emily Blunt.

DEATH!!!!


What is it? Why is it? So many unanswered questions filter through my brain like the millions of neurons that surround them.

DEATH!!!!


Is it really as bad as they say? You see, I've been re-evaluating my religious stand as of late and I decided that yes. Yes there is a God. And if there is a God then surely there is a Heaven, right? Maybe in death we all do go to a magical afterlife. We go to a place surrounded by cool dead people like Marissa Cooper, Captain America and that hampster I had as a kid, Mittens. And there's people there who can hoola hoop for hours. Hoola Hoop while hopping on one leg. Omigod. Hoola Hoop Hopping. Try saying that ten times fast.

DEATH!!!!


Is there even such a thing as death? If there is a heaven then do we actually go through the process of death, and instead just have our souls transfered between one world and the next. You know. From the world of reality television and Wild Hogs-inspired remakes on to the world of edible palm trees and neverending meals-on-wheels.

DEATH!!!!


If this is really what death is like then, yes, sign me up right now. I want to skip the illustrious award-strewn career and the pink house in the Hollywood Hills as an old person who only comes out to celebrate the 75th anniversary of anything. I want to move straight from my current life of eye shadow and snarky comebacks and move right onto the other world.

Because I have indeed seen the light and I want to pass my newfound wisdom onto you. There are worse things than death!!!!

*cue trumpets*

Oh, wait. I'm trapped in a car and those are gas fumes not happy lala magical oxygen. Oh... so this is death. Okay, this is pretty shit. Oh, crap. I never thought I'd die because of a freakin' wind chill. Honestly. I feel ripped off. I blame Wild Hogs

{fin}

2 comments:

adam k. said...

This poster makes it seem like enduring a wind chill is a fate worse than death, which of course is utterly ridiculous.

Kamikaze Camel said...

"Ooh, that wind is cold. I'd rather be dead!"