June 17, 2007

Glenn Dissects Eli Roth's Plea to Humanity

Sorry to everyone who is already bored witless by this subject, but, I figure, if I'm going to start something I may as well see it through, and that dissecting a recent blog entry on Mr Roth's MySpace profile.

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Last chance to see one of my films...
Current mood: accomplished


Hey Everyone [Hi!],

I'm in Paris [Pretty, I bet], doing press for the French release of Hostel Part II [not Nancy Drew? I bet you secretly went and snuck in a screening Nancy Drew this weekend, eh?], and tonight I'm off to Rome [more pretty] for the last leg of the press tour. After that I'm going to take a long overdue break [I'm sort of sad because that means I'll have to start beating up on someone else], since I've gone from one film to the next without stopping, just to recharge my brain a bit [must...eat...brains...].

I want to thank all of you for your kind e-mails and incredible support [obviously that doesn't include me] for the film. However, piracy has become worse than ever now [thanks for the heads up], and a stolen workprint (with uninished music, no sound effects, and no VFX) leaked out on line [sic] before the release, and is really hurting us, especially internationally [hey, don't blame people because they'd prefer to not pay $12 on your movie. Instead how about yelling at Lionsgate for having a leak in their ranks. If this illegal copy was a workprint and was out before the theatrical release then it was from within the studio.]. Piracy will be the death of the film industry [of course it will be, just like VHS will be the death of cinema, or how DVD will be the death of cinema, or how tv will be the death of radio... oh, wait. Scratch that last one], as it killed the music industry [actually, the music industry is on the rise again. The advent of things such as iTunes has seen the legal purchasing of music increase and the rapid illegal downloading of music decrease. Plus, it was the music industries fault because they were selling music for much to high of a price and people revolted], and while it makes a smaller dent in huge movies like Spider Man 3, it really hurts films like mine, which have far less of an advertising and production budget [I agree with on that I guess]. Not only that, critics have actually been REVIEWING the film based off the pirated copy [that would be Dave Poland?], which is inexcusable [what if he had given you a positive review? Would you mind then?]. Some of these critics I have actually known for a few years, and while I wouldn't dignify them by mentioning them by name [just like Dave Poland now refuses to even look at you when you walk into a room because he thinks you're a sick fuck?], I know who they are, as do the studios, and other filmmakers, and they will no longer have any access to any of my films [I'm sure they're really upset. Plus, if what your saying is true, they'll be able to get illegal industry-fed copies off the street days before their release anyway, so it doesn't really matter which way you slice it!].

What I'm saying is, this is your last chance to see one of my films for a while [this isn't what you've been saying, but I'll let it slide]. If you haven't seen it, go now, because after next weekend the film will be gone from theaters [hey, you lasted longer than Firehouse Dog! That's something. Right?]. There are too many other summer movies coming in [Oh, another reason why your movie flopped, right, I'm with ya!], so basically we get two weeks in cinemas [well, if your movie was better and more people wanted to see it then it'd last longer now wouldn't it?], and then the film will live on DVD [hey, at least you get DVD. So many films that probably inspired you from the '70s are still languishing in DVD limbo land. Movies have been rescued by DVD!]. I am not directing CELL any time soon [it'll be interesting to see how you handle a different type of horror, I must confess], and I most likely will take the rest of the year to write my other projects [get to work then, mister. It must take months to come up this shit]. Which means I wouldn't shoot until the spring, and you wouldn't see a film directed by me in the cinemas until at least next fall. If everyone on my friends list went to see the film this weekend and brought a friend, it would make a huge difference. Bring a non-horror fan - try to convert them [so now you're championing the torture of moviegoers who don't like horror? You think Hostel 2 is the movie to change their mind? Riiight. If you've done your job then these people will be terrified and will never see a horror movie ever again]. It's the only way these films will live. But right now the R rated horror film is in serious jeopardy [well, quite frankly, when was it ever not? It's not like R-rated horror films have been going gangbusters for years. A few hits here and there doesn't equal a trend]. Studios feel the public doesn't want them any more [perhaps they don't. if they did they'd go see them. God!], and so they are only putting PG-13 films into production [even PG13 horror movies are flopping these days. Do some research!]. The only way to counter this perception is to get out there and support R rated horror [give us a good R-rated horror movie and we will, okay]. It's the only message they'll hear [see, pretty much all horror movies are flopping lately. Maybe they'll slow the production of horror titles down, which will lead to less films, which means less mass-saturation, which means more people would take up the opportunity to see them. If one horror film doesn't immediately interest them they have the knowledge that two weeks later another one will be out. Case in point - two weeks after Hostel 2 audiences get the happy cheery sunshine and rainbows and dandilions of Captivity]. People love the movie [yeah, I guess some do], and even though it only cost $10 million dollars (as opposed to the other summer tentpoles which cost $300 million [nice counter attack, buddy]), and has already earned its money back [surely this is another lie. Mr Roth, your movie has only grossed $12 million worldwide as of this moment. If your movie cost $10mil plus advertising - including jetsetting you around fashionable Europe - then no, your movie hasn't made it's money back. It most certainly will by DVD, but until then...], if it's not a massive money earner then they'll just continue to make the same PG-13 films everyone complained about a few years ago [again. PG-13 horror titles are flopping too. It's not about the rating at all. It's about whether they're good movies].

To counter piracy, fans can flood file sharing services with fake Hostel II downloads just so no one can ever actually get the movie [I agree that this would be hilarious for the sods who download crap quality movies, but it's not exactly gonna deter them], but the only thing that really makes a difference is supporting the movie in the theaters. Also - the theater OWNERS know this as well. If horror movies aren't bringing in customers, they're not going to program them [maybe if somebody bothered to make a good one, and the distributer released it at a good time - ie, not Summer or Christmas Day, Harvey!]. If we are going to send them a message, we have to do it with our wallets [louis vuitton?], and we have to do it now [or next week, or the week after that, or the week after that. whenever a new horror movie is released]. I've done all I can to make a great film for the fans, as violent and bloody and fun as possible [I think you just said it all Mr Roth. Nobody is dismissing you for making a movie that wasn't violent and bloody. But, apparently, you didn't try to make a movie that was scary - or, if you did try to make one that was scary - you see violence and blood and gore as ostensibly more important to the "fun" factor of your film. You just write this stuff for me Eli. You hardly make it challenging]. The rest is up to you guys... [No, it's really not. Make something decent next time]

Thanks again for all your support [Not mine],

Eli [Glenn]

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Seriously. Also, if you remember this entry from last week in which I discussed seven possible reasons for Hostel Part II flopping with audiences. I said that Lionsgate (and Eli Roth for that matter, Lionsgate have been suspiciously quiet on the matter) would trot out excuses 2, 6, 7 when it was more a case of excuses 1 and 3. In this letter alone Eli did blame the poor box office on excuses 2 and 7 (piracy and competition). So, take that as you will [I'm going to have dinner now].

Hopefully this will be the last entry about Eli Roth and his ilk for a while. It's been an interesting few weeks trying to get my head around my own thoughts on the topic along with many many other people's. But, yes, perhaps it's time to move on because if the downward box office trends of these movies continues I don't think we'll be needing to have this discussion again.

...at least until Saw IV. Yikes.

3 comments:

J.D. Judge said...

I love you. Completely hetero of course. That could not have been better.

Adem IAR said...

I had to review this on the weekend. All my frustrations and, I guess, anger, towards the film have been vented in two write ups for it, one for the site and one slightly more subdued one for the editor. I am not sure if I'll ever be able to watch a third installment of this "movie" series if it were to eventuate.

But then again, I don't think a movie has made me this angry since the 2nd Blair Witch Project, and I really don't mind being angry about something I have to write about... so maybe I would.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Anger can sometimes be a bad thing when it comes to reviewing a movie, but reading somebody who is angry is much more interesting than reading somebody who is merely bored.

Still, just because a movie makes me angry about it's ideas and it's actions doesn't make it good. A movie can create anger in me and still be a powerful amazing movie, but when I feel that the anger in me is coming from a place that I don't think is morally or ethically decent... that is when I have an issue.