This Week in Australian Cinemas

Whoa, this is a very big week for releases. There are 9 films being released in some form today... and yet not one of them interests me that much to get me to pay (although I have already seen one and another I have a free pass to it, but still)...


Lady in the Water, 2006, dir. Shyamalanadingdong
So, I really liked The Sixth Sense, hated Unbreakable, really really liked Signs and then was indifferent to The Village (some good stuff, some bad stuff). So I would be hoping that Lady in the Wood would continue the trend of every unevenly numbered movie being good, but I doubt it is. I admit to actually being interested in it (Shyamalan has good central ideas up the wazoo), but this seems like a prime candidate for DVD. I just don't know whether I could stomach all the narfs and scrunts and paul giamattis that the movie has. Plus, obviously, the word of mouth is astoundingly negative. Oh well. I hate Paul Giamatti.

Garfield 2, 2006, dir. Hill
It goes by Garfield 2 down here, not Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties like it has done elsewhere around the world. I remember watching the trailer for the original Garfield a couple of years ago and thinking it was one of the vilest things I had ever laid eyes on so the prospect of a second go around is sickening. Naturally Breckin Meyer and Jennifer Love Hewitt are back because what else have they go to do? Sure, Jennifer's hanging around ghosts but i suppose but remember when Breckin's sitcom got cancelled? That was funny. The cancellation, not the program.

DOA: Dead or Alive, 2006, dir. Yuen
I don't think the makers of this movie quite understand what subtitles are. Subtitles are meant to "second titles" almost. Yet, they've simply put the unabbreviated title after the semi-colon. That's sorta stupid. Why not just call it Dead or Alive. Ugh. I hate stupid titles (the worst this year is still Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion, ugh there is no way to say that without sounding stupid). The movie itself is pretty much a non-matter at this point. it's essentially Holly Valance, Jaime Pressly, Devon Aoki and a few others walking around fighting people wearing as little clothing as possible. The world, except for 14-year-old boys, ignores. LOL, remember when Valance was a pop star?

Stormbreaker, 2006, dir. Sax
It's a British Agent Cody Banks! They're claiming Ewan McGregor as the second lead, but really he dies in the first scene. So after that the biggest names we get are Mickey Rourke, Alicia Silverstone, Bill Nighy and Sophie Okenedo. This looks awful. There's no other word for it.

Hoot, 2006, dir. Shriner
I can't believe they're even releasing this in cinemas down here. There has been zero advertising and nobody knows the book and it is utterly hopeless.

C.R.A.Z.Y., 2005, dir. Vallee
This French Canadian import finally reaches our screens. It is definitely the most interesting-sounding one of the films being released this week but I was going to skip it, but I won a double pass to go see it so I suppose I have to now, don't I?! It's not like it's gonna be a chore to see this movie, I'll be anticipating it now. I've heard great things.

The Book of Revelation, 2006, dir. Kokkinos
I've already discussed this film. As the screening gets further into the past I get more and more certain that I didn't like it. I now give it a C grade over the C+ I originally handed Kokkinos' bizarre film.

John Tucker Must Die, 2006, dir. Thomas
I actually love the title to this movie. However, it seems way too apparent that the title belongs to the wrong one. That title should belong to a dark comedy where the girls who are out for revenge actually intend to kill John Tucker. It needs to be in the vein of Heathers or Jawbreaker. Alas, what we have is a great title in search of a better movie because John Tucker Must Die looks like awful generic crap. And seriously, whose idea was it to pass of Ashanti was a 17-year-old? She doesn't look anything even close to that age? Fact though... Ashanti and I share the same birthday? THANKS FOR RUINING OCTOBER 13, ASHANTI!!!

The Matador, 2005, dir. Shepard
I'm sure it's actually pretty good but... meh. I can't be bothered.

BOX-OFFICE
1. Silent Hill (1)
2. Snakes on a Plane (2)
3. Kenny (3)
4. Thank You For Smoking (2)
5. You, Me & Dupree (6)
6. Clerks 2 (1)
7. Miami Vice (4)
8. Friends with Money (1)
9. Hoodwinked (5)
10. Fearless (2)

An absolutely depressing week at the box-office. Silent Hill debuts at #1 with a truly pathetic $743,000. That is the equivelant of the #1 movie in America opening to $7mil. That is truly dismal. Snakes on a Plane falls a decent 42%, but it's opening wasn't as big here. Considering movies at #3 and #7 are only $70,000 apart, it could've been worse.

The big giant star of the Aussie Top 10 is local comedy Kenny, which manages to increase it's box-office again! This week it was up 15% and jumped from #8 to #5. This is a truly spectacular word-of-mouth hit. Kenny was made for only $500,000 and has already got over $1.6mil and should be a lock for $2.5mil. If it doesn't slow down next week though the sky is the limit for this movie about a portaloo distributer. Thank You For Smoking falls a small 26% in it's second week and already has $1.44mil.

For some reason there are still people going to see You, Me & Dupree in it's sixth week (that means you Georgie!) and it's still in our Top 5. Ridiculous. Clerks 2 gets what it deserves and dies, debuting at #6. Seriously, if it can't even beat Y,M&D's sixth week then something is wrong. I HATE YOU KEVIN SMITH PLZ FUCK OFF AND DIE NOW. (sorry, but I truly detest the man. Probably even moreso than Jamie Foxx and Paul Giamatti, even!!!)

Friends with Money has a great #8 debut and has the clear best theatre average of the entire Top 20 (other than a Bollywood title at #17, but only just). Hoodwinked and Fearless round out the Top 10.

Outside the Top 10 Jindabybe nears $4.5mil in it's 7th weekend - a damn fine effort for an Australian film, but it should be much higher considering the quality and the fact that Lantana was a true box-office phenom 5 years ago. Ten Canoes continues to near $3mil in it's six week, falling only 6% to be at #16. Lage Raho Munna Bhai debuts at #17. Aussie feature 48 Shades debuts very quietly at #18 with only $70,000 and the Ben Affleck movie Man About Town doesn't even get a screen average of over $1,000 to debut at #19 with $67,000. Ouch.