ARIA Awards

So, the ARIA Awards are, like, Australia's Grammy Awards I suppose. Thing is, because there's not that many Australian artists it gets hard to knock the really bad nominations because there's never anything else to replace them with.

Still, I could've sworn there was some better Australian music out there this last year. I suppose not? All the nominees are here, but these are some of the bigger categories.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Augie March, Moo, You Bloody Choir
Bernard Fanning, Tea and Sympathy
Eskimo Joe, Black Fingernails, Red Wine
The Sleepy Jackson, Personality: One Was a Bird, One Was a Spider
Wolfmother, Wolfmother

Jesus, I really hate Aussie rock sometimes. Something about Eskimo Joe, Powderfinger, Living End etc just really annoy me. The Sleepy Jackson is pretentious wanker music. I can't say I'm that familiar with Augie March's music but their inclusion is fine (I love "One Crowded Hour"). I seriously start to fall asleep when I think about Bernard Fanning (less so than Pete Murray, but still...) But, seriously, Wolfmother are fuckin' unreal!

SINGLE OF THE YEAR
Augie March, "One Crowded Hour"
Bernard Fanning, "Watch Over Me"
Eskimo Joe, "Black Fingernails, Red Wine"
Wolfmother, "Mind's Eye"
Youth Group, "Forever Young"

YOUTH GROUP? The is a COVER VERSION, PEOPLE! What about Josh Pyke's "Middle of the Hill" or Holly Throsby or, hell, even The Veronicas are making fun pop. Bah. "Watch Over Me" makes me yawn and "Black Fingernails" is like said fingernails going down a chalkboard. I love "One Crowded Hour" but "Mind's Eye" is just five minutes of exhilirated near-psychadelic rock.

BEST FEMALE ARTIST
Clare Bowditch, What Was Left
Holly Throsby, Under the Town
Jade MacRae, Jade MacRae
Jen Cloher, Dead Wood Falls
Kasey Chambers, Nothing At All

HOLY FUCK!! This category is a dead zone. I've never even heard of Bowditch and Cloher and I sorta hate Chambers. MacRae is nothing remarkable at all. I do like Throsby though, but jesus. What a wash. What? No Kate Alexa or Steph MacIntosh. *snicker*. I'm bemoaning the lack of Sophie Koh. I weep for you Koh. You're five times better than Missy Higgins and even though you won the same competition as her (Unearthed) nobody gave two hoots about you. They should've. You're great. And what of Monique Brumby? Sigh.

BEST MALE ARTIST
Bernard Fanning, Tea and Sympathy
Ben Lee, We're All In This Together
Bob Evans, Suburban Songbook
Dan Kelly and the Alpha Males, Pirate Radio
Pete Murray, See the Sun

YAWN! This is where the ARIA awards become a joke. Artists can be nominated a) for SINGLE releases (Lee) and b) Male artists in BANDS can be nominated (Dan Kelly this year, John Butler in previous years). Pathetic. Give it to Evans plz.

BEST GROUP
Augie March, Moo, You Bloody Choir
Eskimo Joe, Black Fingernails, Red Wine
Rogue Traders, Here Come The Drums
The Living End, State of Emergency
Wolfmother, Wolfmother

Please, let Wolfmother win this. PLEASE!

BEST DANCE RELEASE
Dirty South, Dirty South EP
Paul Man, Panic Room
Sneaky Sound System, I Love It
The Presets, Beams
TV Rock feat. Seany B, Flaunt It

This category is a joke, right? Please let it be a joke...

BEST POP RELEASE
Ben Lee, Into the Dark
Josh Pyke, Feeding the Wolves
Rogue Traders, Here Come the Drums
Shannon Noll, Lift
The Veronicas, The Secret Life Of The Veronicas

I don't get it. "Lift" was pop? Ugh. This category is stupid. This is the same category that had Missy Higgins' "Scar" (a single) beat Kylie Minogue's entire "Body Language" CD. How do voters even figure that one song is better than an entire album? Please let Pyke or the Veronicas win this.

BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST, ALBUM
Hilltop Hoods, The Hard Road
Rogue Traders, Here Come the Drums
The Grates, Gravity Won't Get You High
The Veronicas, The Secret Life of the Veronicas
Wolfmother, Wolfmother

Dude... THE ROGUE TRADERS? If they're a "breakthrough artist" then I'm a pink and purple unicorn with red stripes and a bowtie on my arse. Also, where are people like Sophie Koh, Josh Pyke or Holly Throsby (I believe it was her first album this year) or Bob Evans (hey, if the Rogue Traders can be nommed then so can he).

BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST, SINGLE
Gyroscope, Fast Girl
Hilltop Hoods, Clown Prince
Sneaky Sound System, I Love It
TV Rock feat Seany B, Flaunt It
Starky, Hey Bang Bang

Whoa. There were no new artists this year? Again, what about Josh Pyke's "Middle of the Hill", or Wolfmother's "Mind's Eye" or The WhiteRoom's "Enemies Closer" or... sigh.

BEST ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK/CAST SHOW ALBUM
David Bridie, RAN
Francois Tetaz, Wolf Creek
Nick Cave and Warren Ellis, The Proposition
Paul Kelly, Dan Luscombe, Katie Brianna, Jindabyne
Various/Nathan Larson, Little Fish

Good choices. I'd throw the win to the Little Fish soundtrack for no other reason than Sarah Blasko's version of "Flame Trees" AND the Cabramatta School Choir version of, er, "Flame Trees". It'll probably go to Nick Cave though because it's Nick Cave.

Speaking of Nick Cave, didn't he release an album this year?

So, me repeating. The ARIA awards the biggest waste of time since The Grammies. And if they're hosted by Rove McManus I think I'll throw something at the screen.