I'll have a GLBT with extra ham

After the depressathon that was my last entry, I thought I'd discuss QUEER CRAP! Ja already discussed LOGO's 50 Greatest LGBT Films during his guest-blogging stint at the Film Experience and we readers have discussed it some more in the comments, you can check that out over here. I thought I'd go through the list. I have seen about a quarter of these, a bunch are in my DVD queue and some of them I haven't even heard of. As I go through them I'm gonna see if my online DVD provider has them and if they do I will add them to my queue.

1. Brokeback Mountain - Yeah, this is gonna be the standard choice for these sort of lists from now now. I mean, I can't complain, it was a masterpiece, but the amount of time it took is staggering. Like, this would be #1 if it never left 5 cinemas in the bible belt! People were saying it was their favourite film ever before it was even released. I already own this on DVD.

2. Latter Days - I have this on my DVD queue. How come there appears to be such a high turnover of mormons to homosexuals?

3. Beautiful Thing - Funny story. I was in grade 9 (that would be 2000 if I'm remembering correctly) and it was a Friday night and because I was at home, it was Midnightish. I turned on the tv in my room, I didn't have a remote because it was broken so I had to turn it on and off on the actual tv. I flicked it onto a channel just as this movie was starting. I had no idea what it was about, but I soon figured it out! I sat at the end of the bed in case a parental came in coz the snogging scenes or whatever would've been awkward to explain. I love this movie, so sweet and was probably the first time I ever actually consciously watched a movie about gay people. Maybe that's why I like it so much? I should try and find this so I can buy it. I'm sure it's real cheap somewhere.

4. Trick - Never seen it, but I've heard really bad things about. Like, how it's just so pandering to the queer audience. It stars Tori Spelling for crying out loud. This seem like the sort of movie that you like when you're younger and don't know any better - which is what can be said for most of the movies on the list. It's not available here though.

5. Bound - I can't wait for this to be sent to me. It was just released on DVD here and I'm pumped. GINA GERSHON and JENNIFER TILLY. Umm... wow.

6. Angels in America - I freakin' own this DVD yet I've never watched it. I keep saying I want to watch it in one go but six hours is tough, y'all. Still, I really want to see it.

7. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - Sigh. I love this movie. "A cock, in a frock, on a rock." I still love the fact that it won the Best Costume Design Oscar.

8. Desert Hearts - Never even heard of it, unfortunately. Not available.

9. Tipping the Velvet - This has been on television twice and each time I've meant to watch it and each time I forget the first installment and then figure I can't watch the rest. It's in my DVD queue. This is an interesting selection though.

10. Big Eden - I'd never heard of this before, but was surprised to discover it was from only 2000 and was from the writer/director of The Family Stone. And shock! It has a lead gay male character who isn't perfectly good looking. How'd that happen?

11. Torch Song Trilogy - I really wanna see this. Harvey Feirstein is gold. Unfortunately it's not out here on DVD. Grrr.

12. But I'm a Cheerleader - Mildly amusing fairy-floss movie. However, it is one of those GLBT films that I think is quite condescending to heterosexuals and if we want any form of acceptance at a higher level we can't be making films that ridicule them. It doesn't benefit anyone, and it just makes the gay filmmakers looks like idiots. At least it doesn't make fun of gay people (I'm looking at your #48!)

13. Aimée & Jaguar - Never heard of it, and it's not available here. sounds interesting though!

14. Better Than Chocolate - I haven't seen this but it's in my queue. Sounds good though.

15. Die Mommie Die - I don't think this has ever been released in Australia. I never remember it getting a cinema release and it hasn't been released on DVD as far as I know. I remember really wanting to see it though. Shame.

16. Maurice - Never heard of it, but I just added it to my DVD queue. Merchant Ivory! And it's Hugh Grant before he was famous.

17. When Night is Falling - Again, never heard of it and it's not out in Australia.

18. Fingersmith - Umm... best title of the countdown goes to FINGERSMITH! Never heard of it, but added to DVD queue.

19. The Sum of Us - YES, One I've actually seen. I remember liking this one, but it's probably lost some of it's value. I never liked the Jack Thompson talking direct-to-camera. But how great is it watching Russell Crowe and John Polson getting it on?

20. Chutney Popcorn - Umm... worst title of the countdown goes to CHUTNEY POPCORN! Never heard of it and it's not out here. Oh well.

21. D.E.B.S. - I'm not adding this one to my DVD queue because it looks so bad. WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST? Idiots.

22. Get Real - I admit to having a big giant soft spot for this movie. It's ludicrous, but if this isn't ever gay high school students fantasy then I don't know what is! Well, except for all the secrecy and the dumping and the being bashed up and what have you.

23. The Birdcage - Again, I actually really like this movie. I saw it back in '97 on good ol' VHS and I loved it then and I still do. I'm sure I didn't quite get all the humour (the, er, leapfrogging for instance). It's essentially for straights to laugh at gays, but whatever. I think it's funny. Nathan Lane is a crackup. And, plus, DAN FUTTERMAN, PPL! They could've at least mentioned the French original though! I find it interesting that the two castmembers who won at that years Blockbuster Entertainment Awards were the two playing arch conservatives. :/

24. Boys Don't Cry - This is below D.E.B.S.? Crikies.

25. Party Monster - I HATE YOU AND WISH YOU WOULD DIE!!!

26. Hedwig and the Angry Inch - My love for this movie can be seen in it's strong showing in the 2001 UMA awards. So funny and the songs are great. My favourite line? "I had tried singing once and they threw tomatoes so after the show I had a nice salad."

27. The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy - I remember really wanting to see this when it came out but I was too scared to hire it out from the video store. LOL. That's funny considering what I'm like now. It does have Timothy Olyphant who I lurve.

28. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love - Huh? Never heard of it. I've added it to my DVD queue.

29. Parting Glances - Steve Buscemi? Scary. Not available in Australia.

30. Edge of Seventeen - Aww, this one sounds good! But it's not available here. Sad.

31. If These Walls Could Talk 2 - I've heard good things about this. I love the original (especially the segment with Anne Heche, Cher and Jada Pinkett - god that's great. Cher can't do much acting anymore due to her face, but she should direct!)

32. Longtime Companion - Never heard of it, no available.

33. Soldier's Girl - The name and the poster makes this appear to be some exploitational 'Tits in the Army' type of thing. Apparently it's not?

34. The Rocky Horror Picture Show - I love this movie and I can see the gay elements but it's more CAMP than anything. "Sweet Transvestite" is still a hoot though!

35. Y Tu Mama Tambien - Again, another good movie with gay elements, but how is this an LGBT theme? It's so not. The only gay stuff is at the very end and it's very brief. Oh, well, apart from the masturbation stuff at the start. Good movie still.

36. Girl Play - This sounds yawn-able. But, whatever. A lot of these films have near identical plots.

37. Transamerica - This entry isn't as insulting as some of the other titles, but still... The whole thing revolves around Felicity Hoffman and she was the biggest problem I had. Not the performance itself, but the fact that they felt they needed a woman who play the role of a man becoming a woman. There's plenty of transvestites out there who have acting abilities. That's why the urination scene was so unnecessary because we know that Felicity Huffman is a woman and doesn't have a penis (we get to see her vagina! I doubt she's that dedicated to the artform of cinema)

38. The Boys in the Band - I wish they'd release this in Australia already! I've wanted to see it for ages. It sounds really good. I can't remember when I first saw a clip of it (was it in The Celluloid Closet?) but since then I've been dying to see it. Grr

39. Ma Vie en Rose - *chuckles* nice inclusion.

40. And the Band Played On - Is the title meant to be a quasi-sequel to The Boys in the Band. Sounds serious and interesting, I have added it to my DVD queue. Great cast, hey?

41. Making Love - I have no belief that this movie is any good but I. Want. to. See. It. Now. One reason, folks. MICHAEL ONTKEAN. I have had a crush on Sheriff Truman from Twin Peaks since I first laid eyes on it and the thought of him getting his mack on makes me wanna see it. They showed this in The Celluloid Closet too. Unfortunately, it's not out here. Grrr.

42. Gia - Angelina Jolie. That is all.

43. Jeffrey - Is this a wacky queer comedy? Not released in Australia yet.

44. All About My Mother - Which is more queer? This or Bad Education? Definitely Bad Education, but All About My Mother is the better film. This was the first Almodovar movie I ever saw and...wow. Just fantastic. I love this movie so much.

45. Heavenly Creatures - I tried to find this film on VHS for years. I'd heard about it and really wanted to see it, so when I found it at a video store I quickly hired it. I didn't know much about it, but wow. What a great movie! Everything about it is so well done. I wish Peter Jackson would make another film on this level and stop with stuff like King Kong.

46. Victor/Victoria - It's about a crossdresser! But it's not particularly "queer" or "gay". It's like saying Bugs Bunny is GLBT-esque because he dresses up. Weird inclusion, but a good movie nonetheless. (Of course I could just be forgetful and not remember certain parts of it)

47. Beautiful Boxer - I had never heard of this but upon reading the description I quickly added it to my DVD queue. Sounds very interesting. Plus, boxing movies are always good for the most part (I even quite liked Cinderella Man)

48. Mambo Italiano - This movie is rotten scum-sucking filth and should be thrown out with the trash. Never has a "queer" movie been so homophobic. Hey, let's laugh at the femme guys! Well, they're not really "guys" as just flat out women, really. Ugh. Exemplifies everything that's wrong with gay films and wraps it up in, worst of all, an ethnic comedy. Grotesque.

49. Cabaret - What is this doing all the way down here? Idiots.

50. The Crying Game - I've wanted to see this for so long yet they won't released it! Why? I like Stephen Frears' films.Grrr.

Films that for whatever reason (most likely the lack of taste by the stupid voters) that didn't make it onto the countdown, but in all reality should be there.

My Beautiful Laundrette - Seriously? How did this not make the top 5? Masterpiece by Stephen Frears.

Mysterious Skin - This utterly fantastic movie deserves better than to not place at all. Fucking jackshit idiots.

Bad Education - Pedro Almodovar's "fag-noir" was great great fun and made Gael Garcia Bernal into even more of a gay idol than he was before. That pool scene? Yowza...

Stonewall - For a bunch of people who love their gay cliches, you'd think they would make room for a movie that re-enacts the Stonewall riots! And also, it's a really good movie, so that's odd.

Last Exit to Brooklyn - God, I love this movie.

My Own Private Idaho - That scene in the porno store is great. And River Phoenix? Why did he have to die?

Urbania - Seriously now, why the fuck isn't this on there?

Walking on Water - I suppose this was never released in America, so that's understandable.

Monster - People seem to have forgotten how good this movie was.

The Velvet Goldmine & Far From Heaven - Todd Haynes' queer techniwonders both being absent makes me mad.

Gods & Monsters - These voters were on crack.

In & Out - This was pretty good as broad comedies go. I suppose it may have angered the voters because the writer actually put in the line "FUCK BARBRA STREISAND!"

Saved! - The funny version of But I'm A Cheerleader. Aims it's targets are the christian right but doesn't immediately make fun of it, but tries to teach it something.

Before Night Falls - Tracing the steps of a man wrongfully imprisoned, this film was really well done.

Philadelphia - Before Brokeback this might've made it but now that film steals all the serious votes, I suppose.

And while I haven't seen them titles like Death in Venice, Tales of the City, Madchen in Uniform, Yossi & Jagger, Kissing Jessica Stein (seems up their alley),

And they seem to like quasi-queer movies, so why not Billy Elliot, The Opposite of Sex, Elephant, Mulholland Drive, The Hours

Thank god they didn't include crap like The Iron Ladies and To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar or boring claptrap like Wilde.

Really, this list was stupid.

I'd add pictures but I'm hungry so... deal with it.