stale popcorn

It Is Accomplished

2007-10-14T01:04:00.000+10:00

Please be aware that Stale Popcorn has changed URLs. It's the same ol' blog just a different address. OMG don't be such a bitch about it!

As a parting gift here is a track from the new Sugababes album Change. It's called "Surprise" and it's amazing. See you on the other side.

An Open Letter To Hugh Jackman

2007-10-12T16:18:00.000+10:00

Dear Hugh Jackman,

I know we missed out on sharing the same birthday by sixteen and a half hours - I was born at 4.30pm you see - but I feel that we share a unique bond, one that cannot be unbroken. You see, you like taking your shirt off and I LIKE LOOKING AT IT. So please keep that up. Nothing makes my day instantly better than seeing pictures of you at the beach, or on the movie set, or in a cafe drinking something soy (wait, have you ever done that?) all of which you freely partake in minus a shirt.

If you're out today on your birthday (and subsequently can't be reading this blog, but whatever, I know you worship it) feel free to just whip off your shirt near some paparazzi and I'll be eternally grateful.

Love Always,

Glenn

[As Blogger just like torturing me with my picture posting tool lately I can't actually provide a picture of Hugh sans shirt. Blogger can die now plz]

A Change Will Do You Good

2007-10-11T22:33:00.000+10:00

Just as Sheryl Crow hypothesised many years ago, a change will do me good. From October 14 this blog will indeed be changing. Nothing terribly drastic, just a new URL is all. The new blog will be this one << clicky clicky! Obviously this present encarnation of Stale Popcorn will continue to exist on the information super highway (how long has it been since you heard that?) and I will be regularly linking back to entries, much like I do now, but I have decided the time has come to make this crazy thing more formal.

So, yes, on October 14 - the same date as the start of my 100 Greatest Movie Posters countdown - the new home of Stale Popcorn will be http://stalepopcornau.blogspot.com bookmark it or whatever it is that you do and I hope to see you there.

This will be probably be my last entry on this URL as I have places to go, people to see and things to do between now and then (it is my birthday on Saturday after all). Come next week it will be:

STALE POPCORN 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Or something like that. Ciao.

La Link en Rose

2007-10-11T18:30:00.000+10:00

I'm feeling uninspired right now, so here are some links to occupy your time.

Indiewire looks at this year's Foreign Language Film Oscar race. There's not much there that we don't already know, but you should read it for the offensive, insulting and downright pathetic grovelling of La Vie en Rose producer Alain Goldman:

"It's so bizarre," says "La Vie en rose" producer Alain Goldman. "Obviously, they did not think let's get the one that has the most chance to win, because then they would have picked 'La Vie en rose.' It was such a good contender to win this year, and they knew that, so I would really like to understand why," he wonders. "What was their goal?"

He goes on further to discuss how Persepolis should be religated to it's own Animated Feature category and leave Foreign Language Film to the hystrionic time-shifting weird ritilin-deficient musical biopics.

Nat at Film Experience has a (surprisingly) long list of GLBT directors and actors working in today's film and television business. It's not exactly the number of gay performers, but more that so many of them seem stuck in the indie/gay ghetto. That's a shame.

On a similar not SameSame has a list of the 25 most influential Gay and Lesbian Australians. On the list is Neil Armfield who has worked in stage and film, including last year's Heath Ledger-Abbie Cornish drug drama Candy. There's Darren Hayes whose album This Delicate Thing We Made was all kinds of excellent, and iOTA who portrayed Hedwig in this year's production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Awards Daily has some stuff on Control, the Ian Curtis biopic that is a) out soon, b) better than La Vie en Rose and c) actually quite good period. I saw Control at MIFF and it went on to win the Audience Awards or somesuch. I still can't help but feel in the back of my Oscar-guessing mind that Samantha Morton is gonna make a play for Best Supporting Actress. She doesn't get much to do but what she does is very noticable. She got nominated for lead for In America (as implausable as that sounded then and now) so all she needs is some buzz and some plaudits before making a move.

The new Golden Compass poster at My New Plaid Pants is much much better than that awful crap they gave us earlier. And Movie Marketing Madness has the new I Am Legend poster. It too is better than the first. So, huzzah's all 'round.

Dear Go Fug Yourself, I think I can speak for the 18.5 million Australians who don't watch McLeod's Daughters that truck stops and psychics named "Mystic Miranda" do not make a good show.

Lastly, TimesOnline is reporting that Al Gore is the favourite to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Oy...

Jumping Jamies

2007-10-10T23:13:00.000+10:00

Did you know I love Jamie Bell? Cause I do. A lot. He has a new movie coming out some time in the future (Feb 15 for America) called Jumper. It's a science fiction movie directed by Doug Liman and starring, unfortunately, Hayden Christensen and a hilarious-looking Samuel L Jackson. Christensen and Bell play people who can... jump around through space and time? I dunno. The trailer, which can be viewed right here, isn't particularly clear on that point.

But you know what is clear. Jamie Bell looks scrumptious as a crumpet. Can I have some more?

Jumpermericans Only

2007-10-10T22:53:00.001+10:00

More on the trailer for Jumper (starring my boyfriend, Jamie Bell) in a bit but I found this thing on the official website incredibly amusing. Oxymoron fans rejoice! Click the image below if you can't quit read what it says.

Kylie Minogue's New "2 Hearts" Video Clip!

2007-10-10T21:23:00.000+10:00

omigod kylie etc.

KYLIE MINOGUE 2 HEARTS gmtv
Uploaded by RAQUELLE

That chorus is phenomenal and the track is quite surprising. It's nowhere near as electro as I had imagined, given the single sleeve being like some glamrock circus act. The video isn't that great, but it's certainly better than videos like "Gimme More", "Song 4 Mutya" and "About You Now". I do love the bit at about 2:11 where she struts out in the catsuit and the mic stand swings up. Teehee. All we need now is for Kylie to release her album X and we'll be right.

Several Things I Don't Understand About America

2007-10-09T23:27:00.000+10:00

Peanut Butter and "Jelly" Sandwiches

Pottery Barn

Meatloaf

From the Vault: When Bad Posters Strike: Wind Child

2007-10-09T18:46:00.001+10:00

I discovered today that I had a "When Bad Posters Strike" entry written up for Wind Chill saved in a word document that I just casually forgot to put into a blogger box and click "Publish" on. Perhaps I'll share them with you now because I can't think of anything else to write about. I don't ever remember this movie being released into anything more than a handful of cinemas so it's not even particularly mis-timed. Just consider it here for future reference.

I present to you a monologue spoken by Emily Blunt.

DEATH!!!!

What is it? Why is it? So many unanswered questions filter through my brain like the millions of neurons that surround them.

DEATH!!!!

Is it really as bad as they say? You see, I've been re-evaluating my religious stand as of late and I decided that yes. Yes there is a God. And if there is a God then surely there is a Heaven, right? Maybe in death we all do go to a magical afterlife. We go to a place surrounded by cool dead people like Marissa Cooper, Captain America and that hampster I had as a kid, Mittens. And there's people there who can hoola hoop for hours. Hoola Hoop while hopping on one leg. Omigod. Hoola Hoop Hopping. Try saying that ten times fast.

DEATH!!!!

Is there even such a thing as death? If there is a heaven then do we actually go through the process of death, and instead just have our souls transfered between one world and the next. You know. From the world of reality television and Wild Hogs-inspired remakes on to the world of edible palm trees and neverending meals-on-wheels.

DEATH!!!!

If this is really what death is like then, yes, sign me up right now. I want to skip the illustrious award-strewn career and the pink house in the Hollywood Hills as an old person who only comes out to celebrate the 75th anniversary of anything. I want to move straight from my current life of eye shadow and snarky comebacks and move right onto the other world.

Because I have indeed seen the light and I want to pass my newfound wisdom onto you. There are worse things than death!!!!

*cue trumpets*

Oh, wait. I'm trapped in a car and those are gas fumes not happy lala magical oxygen. Oh... so this is death. Okay, this is pretty shit. Oh, crap. I never thought I'd die because of a freakin' wind chill. Honestly. I feel ripped off. I blame Wild Hogs

{fin}

It's Completely Unnecessary Horror Sequel Time!

2007-10-09T17:07:00.000+10:00

Seriously, who asked for a sequel to 1999's House on Haunted Hill. I saw that when I was 15 and didn't actually find it too bad - although I haven't watch it since so who knows - but, really? Return to House on Haunted Hill. The title isn't even grammatically correct.

But, if you are interested and want to know it stars, well you're in for a treat! They managed to rope in some pretty big names. Observe:

Amanda Righetti - She was in some episodes of The OC. She had the hots for Ryan, if memory serves!

Erik Palladino - He was in Road Kill! But not the surprisingly good Road Kill with Paul Walker, Steve Zahn and ~~Helen Hunt~~ Leelee Sobieski, so really what's the point?

Cerina Vincent - If I'm remember correctly, she played the chick who had an, erm, interesting moment with a leg razor in Cabin Fever. SHE'S PRACTICALLY A SUPERSTAR!

Tom Riley - I imagine this guy is hoping Return to House on Haunted Hill is his big break!

Andrew Lee Potts - There is nothing remotely interesting about this guy's resume. He was on an episode of Heartbeat once!

Steven Pacey - He was on an episode of a show called M.I.T. - Murder Investigation Team a show that was surely not even in the slightest inspired by C.S.I. - Crime Scene Investigation. Not at all. Not one tiny bit.

Jeffrey Combs - The one cast-member with the possibility of being known... BY NAME!!! He's been of shows like Enterprise, The 4400, Justice League and Deep Space Nine and was in movies like Re-Animator and I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. He even played Montgomery Clift in a TV movie called Norma Jean and Marilyn and was in the cast of the unfortunately-canned TV series of The Net - that fantastically ridiculous Sandra Bullock internet thriller.

It turns out that Combs' character appeared in the original movie as well, making him the only one from the 1999 film to return. No Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen, Ali Larter, Peter Gallagher or Taye Diggs in this one. Although some of the movies Ali Larter made in the time between bouts of fame look like dogs. She played "Fardart" in National Lampoon's Homo Erectus. Uh-huh. I have no doubt she's be up for another round of house hauntings if it weren't for her role on Heroes. They could easily come up with a ridiculous excuse to have her character return to the house, surely.

!!Merry Scary Month of October!!

2007-10-09T15:47:00.000+10:00

I finally got around to creating the latest banner, and it - naturally - has a scary theme. If you can't see it at the top of the page then hit refresh a few times and it should eventually pop up.

The banner is celebrating some of my favourite scary movies. That creepy white creature with the yellow teeth is actually Sheryl Lee as Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, a horror flick if ever I saw one. That black and white woman on the bottom there is actually from the original 1961 Robert Wise version of The Haunting. The big glowing orange thing is, I hope you're aware, the central image of the Halloween poster. And what an image! Over the top of that is Leatherface in all his Texas Chainsaw Massacre glory. Next to him is Simone Simon as the deadly femme fatale of the original 1942 Cat People. And then at the right of the banner is Heather Donahue in her famous Blair Witch Project pose.

The scary month is upon us and landing right in the middle of it all is my birthday on the 13th. I was, thankfully, not born on a Friday the 13th (although it was a Saturday!) but have already had a couple of birthday fall on that date. Starting the day after - hopefully - on the 14th will be a little project of mine that will run for a while, and that I hope people will get a kick out of. This latest banner is also a hint as to at least two of the contenders, but where will they lie?

And don't forget the 31 films that give you the willies countdown over at Shoot the Projectionist, which begins on said birthday the 13th. I'm sure it'll be filled with lots of images to give you the heebie jeebies in this merry month of October.

Word Verify finally has it's rewards (also, My Hair! My Hair!)

2007-10-09T14:56:00.001+10:00

I was over at My New Plaid Pants replying, quite obviously, to an entry about Arcade Fire when I came across this lovely word verification tag. For far too long I have had to enter ungodly combinations of letters like "pdajhdfffcm" and not enough with actual words like the one below. It made me giggle, like whenever somebody has a word that isn't meant to be rude but has rude connotations.

Kind of scary though was that at the moment I realised the VV said "rump" I was listening to Pete Shelley's "Homosapien" on iTunes. If you are unaware of that 1981 song (from Shelley's Homosapien album) it was actually banned on the BBC due to homosexual suggestions in the lyrics. "Homo superior in my interior", anyone?

And, yes, as the image states, I did cut my hair off. It's only a "four" at the moment. If I decide I like it (i'm still not entire sure, but it thankfully wasn't the disaster I was anticipating) I could even go shorter down to a "two". Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps...

Dodgy photo, but for now it's all I'm posing for right now.

Lindsay Watch

2007-10-08T21:55:00.000+10:00

Teehee. I took the following screengrab from my Facebook profile. It's of a feature called "Lindsay Watch" with updates on where everyone's favourite coked out Utah-residing stripper wannabe is. I found it on the page of supreme earth being Adem (of I'm Always Right - read it, he's a hoot) and promptly added it to my profile even though I'm sort of over Linday.

Also, if there are any readers from Geelong on here then you should definitely listen to 94.7 the Pulse on Friday nights between 8 and 10 as Adem hosts the Inside Splinters show dedicated to extending his love to pop music onto unsuspecting tourists and university crammers. With Adem doing the Inside Splinters show on air and the equivilent columb in Forte alongside my obviously pop-favoured music reviews in the same mag it's like we're a rag tag team of pop obsessives slowly trying to convert this lowly town over to the throws of popdome.

So, Adem, when am I gonna be able to come in and rock out with you?

Touchdown!!

2007-10-08T21:10:00.000+10:00

Okay, it's sort of sad that us Australian Idol watchers ever got sucked into judge Mark Holdon's ridiculous "TOUCHDOWN!" flimajimjamwoozoowazzleboobedeeboop that he started in season one of the show, but it has gotten to the stage where every touchdown is met with, mostly, curious bewilderment. I mean, two touchdowns for Jennifer Connolly in three episodes? And one for the Pirate (my guess is eventually he'll wear an eye patch and the illusion will be complete) for what amountd to nothing more than "I Was Made For Loving You" slowed down to within an inch of it's life.

BUT last night - the same night that Jennifer Connolly got possibly the worst and least deserving touchdown in the show's history for a vague performance of "Bittersweet Symphony" - there was a performance that tore the house (er, the studio) down and that thankfully received one of Holdon's touchdowns. As Scott over at Scott To Be Certain makes us aware (if you even casually watch Idol read that blog, it's freakin' hilarious honey dahling girlfriend) it was the only touchdown this year that could compare with the best (Cosima's "When the War is Over", Anthony's "The Prayer") and is one of the most blatantly emotional performances since Guy Sebastian's "Climb Every Mountain" or Casey Donovan's "Here's Where I Stand".

We all know Tarisai Vushe Williams Shaggy Dog Jackson Effie Hudson Honey Dahling Sister Girlfriend is basically channeling God whenever she performs at the worst of times (so much so that when she goes to speak normally she seems positively exhausted) but last night she was, quite frankly, eating the soul of Jesus on stage. If that's offensive or blasphemous to you then just watch the performance below.

To quote Mark Holdon (that's a rare thing, indeed), who last night outdid himself by wearing a diagonal zip-down martian funeral outfit: Yowza! Yowza! Yowza!

Also, Question of the Week: How many anal sex, blowjob, semen and penis jokes can the hosts James and Andrew get into their banter when it relates to ProActive Ben Mackenzie? Because, honey sister dahling girlfriend preacher baby love sweetiepie, the kid is 17 and it's icky and incredibly uncomfortable. Give it a rest and start picking on Jennifer Connolly and her beehive of a hairdo.

And He's Outta There!

2007-10-08T20:31:00.000+10:00

Justice has been served. Jacob Butler is no longer forcing his grotesque and ridiculously over-the-top singing and dancing style upon our horrified eyes and ears. I'm sure he's gonna go home and whinge about how nobody likes him and how people are big giant meanieheads blah blah blah. Now, if only his murdering of several quite good songs wasn't etched into my memory. Yikes.

Glenn Liveblogs The New Bruce Springsteen Album

2007-10-08T16:39:00.000+10:00

I had to tear of two laters of plastic to get to the case. And what a very shiny case it is. Open it up and it's one of those paper cases that encloses the CD in a flap on one side and the booklet in another flap on the other side. The image you see upon opening the case though is one of Bruce with the E Street band. It's a wonderful photo and, of course, I scanned it in.

Flipping through the booklet I actually cried out "It's so glossy!" And I love that Bruce includes lyrics. He knows his fans want to be able to not only sing along but to be able to read and digest the lyrics and get an understanding of what the album is about. There are some pictures of bruce throughout and they all follow the cover design's theme of Bruce in a white tee looking momentarily confused - although in two he is wearing a black shirt. The diversity is insane.

Okay, so I'm putting in the CD now. Let's see how this goes.

1/0.12 - "Radio Nowhere". We all know this by now surely. I hope it's a good setting off point for the entire album. Has a Born in the USA vibe, which is a-okay with me.

1/2.10 - I love this guitar solo moment.

1/2.48 - "I just wanna feel some rhythm" this chant at the end is probably my favourite part of the song. Reminds me of the "It's alright" chant at the end of The Rising's "Lonesome Day"

2/0.02 - "You'll be Coming Down". Reminds me of "Lucky Town", from the album Lucky Town, right off the bat.

2/0.58 - Okay, it really reminds me of of "Lucky Town" now that it's at the chorus.

2/2.10 - Clarence Clemons! I've mentioned before how he is my favourite E Street member. Whenever he starts up that saxophone I just get all tingly (...)

2/3.00 - I think it's the bridge that really reminds me of "Lucky Town". It's got the exact same structure and progression.

3/0.01 - "Livin' in the Future" starts with more of Clarence's brilliant sax playing.

3/0.35 - Wow. This is a good one.

3/0.47 - Okay, new favourite!

3/1.22 - The chorus is amazing. And considering it's Bruce we're talking about here I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that he's singing about George W Bush, which is what I suspect.

3/1.40 - Okay, I just realised what song this reminds me of - "Cover Me" from Born in the USA, with a little bit of "Glory Days" thrown in. Musically, I mean. It's got the almost exact same guiter structure as "Cover Me" though. Perhaps he hadn't performed that song in quite a while and forgot about it? It's almost chord for chord.

3/3.38 - I always love a good "na na na na" fade out, don't you?

4/0.09 - Violins! "Your Own Worst Enemy" has a violins! I love violins.

4/0.30 - Lyrics like "yesterday the people were at ease" and "your own worst enemy has come to town" placed right next to each other? Is this another W Bush inspired song?

4/2.24 - No. I don't think so.

4/2.51 - Oh my, I just melted over the way Bruce sang those last two lines. "That flag it flew so high/It drifted into the sky" with a prolonged sort of semi-falsetto voice. Dreamy.

5/0.12 - "Gypsy Rider" starts off with Springsteens famous harmonica. The only artist who a) I can stand playing the harmonica and b) makes me wish harmonicas were used more in music. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't, really.

5/1.19 - This song is about Bruce's favourite topics. Misplaced men in America. It's not exactly anything off of The Rising or Born to Run, but I'm liking it. Probably my least favourite so far. But Bruce's "least" is most artists "career defining amazing best", so...

5/4.22 - Yeah... not the best, huh?

6/0.04 - And it's redeemed almost immediately by "Girls in Their Summer Clothes". Has a similar opening progression to "Lonesome Day", which is perhaps my fourth favourite Bruce song just by the way.

6/0.20 - Bruce's vocals have something different to them in this song. It sounds sort of amazing.

6/0.55 - This song doesn't remind me of anything except AMAZING!

6/1.19 - I am loving "Girls in Their Summer Clothes"!

6/2.09 - This bit is gonna be awesome live.

6/2.28 - This moment. This very second. Well, this and 2.29-2.33 is the highlight so far. Weird how five seconds can just be so magical. They sound like some 1950s motown group at this moment.

6/3.33 - New favourite!

6/3.43 - I always love a good "la la la la" fade out, don't you?

7/0.02 - "I'll Work For Your Love" starts with piano.

7/0.08 - For a moment there Bruce sounded exactly like he did in the '70s.

7/1.40 - Hmm. The lyrics on this one are a bit naff, don't you reckon?

7/2.35 - I think he was going for a romantic angle on this one, I'm thinking of "Tunnel of Love" with more guitars, but it's not working for me.

8/0.08 - "Magic" initially sounds like something from Devils & Dust.

8/1.13 - It's a minimalist song, which I'm liking. At this moment they introduced what sounds like the theme music to some spaghetti western or a movie set in a small Mexican town filled with drug lords and violence. ...?

8/2.17 - This is slowly working it's way into my brain, I can feel it. Like how the similar-sounding (but completely different themed) "Reno" did ("Reno" is now one of my all time favourites).

9/0.50 - "Last to Die" has a great up-tempo build up to the pace it's seems to be sticking with.

9/2.46 - This is a nice track, nothing particularly amazing, nor is it disappointing. It's what they call "quality filler".

9/3.47 - The above point is demonstrated now. I have nothing worthwhile to add, but I know it's not bad. I can deal with that.

10/0.16 - I'm not sure what it is about Bruce but he seems to have multiple voices. Like, they all sound very similar but if he puts just the tiniest bit more force or grunt behind it it becomes something else entirely. Case in point "Long Walk Home".

10/1.15 - Sounds like it belongs on The Rising, which is a good thing if I ever heard one.

10/2.20 - Oh Clarence!

10/4.07 - Great closing moments. This is the E Street, folks. "Long Walk Home" will be great live.

11/0.17 - Ooh. What an ethereal start to "Devil's Arcade"!

11/0.35 - Whoa.

11/1.20 - That low-bass guitar in the background is bliss.

11/2.13 - Oh! And it kicks in. Amazing.

11/3.22 - I can't quite pin point what it is that is so fan-fuckin-tastic about this song but it's... it's... holy jesus.

11/4.02 - It just keeps. getting. better.

11/4.49 - Now that was brilliant.

12/0.02 - Aww, "Terry's Song" is the final one! There's only four minutes and nine seconds of Magic left!

12/0.32 - Reminds me of "I Wish I Were Blind" from Human Touch. Slightly.

12/1.47 - This is a lovely little ode to (I assume) somebody called Terry who is "one of a kind". The album booklet says Terry (Terry Magovern) was Bruce's friend and working partner.

12/3.41 - I can't think of anything more appropriate to end Magic on that this wonderful song ending with some of Springsteen's great harmonica work going to fade out. I guess it ends the album on a bit of a downer (not quality wise though, thankfully).

Conclusion - Was there ever any doubt? I've only ever disliked one Bruce Springsteen album (of which I use the excuse "I'm not old enough to get it") so that I would like this one wasn't that hard to imagine. I'm actually quite glad that the album wasn't 12 tracks like "Radio Nowhere" (as amazing as it may be) and that he mixed it up. I love the stuff that Bruce comes up with when he's working with the E Street band. It all just sounds so layered and there's so much depth there.

As an artist Bruce Springsteen refuses to go away quietly. While many artists simple coast on their history (I'm looking at you Elton John) and have effectively stopped drinking (or smoking, in a lot of cases I imagine) whatever it was that made them so brilliant in the first place, Bruce continues to produce albums that you can easily slot high up in the list of personal favourites. With Magic, and I'm obviously going to be giving it plenty more spins over the next week, he has made some great songs - some incredibly fun songs to match the pulsating rock songs, which sit side-by-side with the more intimate ballads. It's a great record and one that I think will prove to be great on repeat, will be great live, and one that will satisfy the hardcore fan and casual listener alike.

:)

2007-10-08T16:27:00.000+10:00

I have it! Right here! Right now! In my weird claw-like hands! Man, my thumb looks huge.

I should have a judgment in approximately 50 minutes.

Nudge Wink

2007-10-08T00:38:00.000+10:00

You know, that wishlist widget in the sidebar is there for a reason. It's my birthday in six days and I feel oddly non-fussed by it. I was hoping to go into Melbourne and see the sing-a-long version of Hairspray, but I don't think that's going to pan out. Also, I'm oddly fascinated by maltesers at the moment. I just can't. stop. eating them. They've taken over my desk! I even took a photo just for the sake of taking one and am now showing you!

And then I was reminded of when I was in NYC last year and I was walking down... Broadway? I'm not sure. I think it was opposite Macy's! Of Bloomingdales! Or some building that had a sign on it, I'm not entirely sure. But, anyway, I was walking down this street in New York City (my, how I love remember I was ever in that city) and saw:

THE LARGEST PACKET OF SKITTLES I HAD EVER SEEN
So, naturally, I took a photo, which doesn't even begin to describe how giant that packet of skittles was. When the brother saw the photo on the tiny little camera screen he was all "Christ, that's a big bag of skittles!" Correct he was. Oh, and here's the photo.

Lastly in this entirely random and, for the most part, incoherent gargle of wasted words, I am considering shaving my head. Not entirely bald because, er, not even I want to see my scalp. Buuuut, I've been thinking about it and was going to ask some friends last night as I remembered my hairdresser appointment on Tuesday but they (and I) had been drinking and, well, that's not a decision to make when consuming alcohol. But, yeah, not bald. Just really cropped short? Like, er... Rob Thomas? I dunno. Who else has that style? I dunno.

I'm terrible though. The reason I never ever do anything out of the ordinary with my hair is because I fear if it goes wrong then I have at least one month of being stuck with a bad haircut and there's nothing I could do about it. I think it's a legitimate concern, don't you? Hmmmph. DILEMMAS!

I think I'm gonna go to sleep now because I'm acting weird. Before I go, here is a picture of my boyfriend sticking his tongue out at Undertow director David Gordon Green. Uh-huh.

Spot the Odd One Out!

2007-10-07T23:21:00.000+10:00

I took an image from one of this year's horror flicks, the remake of The Hitcher, and made some text additions. I ask you, dear readers, what is the odd one out. The smooth and shiny (perhaps panteen!) hair? The tight-fitting brown singlet top? The mini denim skirt with fringe hem? The leather calf boots? Or...

THE MOSSBERG 500 CRUISER WITH PISTOL GRIP???!!!
Hmmm. That's a tough one doncha think? You can click the image and look at it a bit bigger if you're stuck on what the answer is.

And to think, the scene in which this moment takes place Sophia Bush (the woman in the image, whoever she is) was just inside a van that was leaking petrol and set alight, prompting it to explode into a big giant fireball with her inside. I like knowing that she, and her silky smooth shiny hair, managed to get out of that pesky situation with nary a scratch on her and that she had suddenly acquired the ability to fire and charge an assault rifle.

Also, the movie was sorta shit. That's all.

Wake Up And Pay Attention, Y'all!

2007-10-07T21:57:00.000+10:00

I've made many references to my undying love for Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit before. It is one of the greatest movies ever made and don't you try and deny it, okay?! So it was with delight that I came upon the following videos on YouTube of the Musical Theatre department of MichiganU performing a 15-minute abridged version of Back in the Habit using one stage, a few chairs and, wouldn't just know it, a whole lotta talent.

It, basically, destills everything that is perfect and heavensent about the movie into 15 uproariously funny minutes. Watch as Sister Mary Clarence dons her garbage bag habit, as the slightly too masculine Lauryn Hill character imparts her wise ghetto wisdom, or somebody (I'm not sure who is who) doing a spot on impersonation of Sheryl Lee Ralph's domineering mother role. Or watch in stunned wide-eyed amazement as the cast perform a particularly faithful rendition of the film's climactic (and brilliant) song "Joyful Joyful", even down to the fine details that could easily go ignored by the casual moviegoer - the sign language performer, the impromtu Janet Jackson throwback or the ace (and accurate!) choreography.

It's positively uplifting and entirely amazing, just like the movie it represents. Although it was majorly upsetting to realise that they did not include the film's finest and most jive-tastic moment - "I got the flow, you all gotta go, so pick up your bags so we can go, ho-ho!"

And Now For Something You've Probably Already Heard!

2007-10-06T14:12:00.000+10:00

That new Britney Spears video clip? WOW! It. Is. Terrible. I... I am almost without any words, but naturally I can still articulate an insult.

Lazy, Boring, Unsexy and Pointless come to mind as apt adjectives. Britney does nothing in the entire video except walk around a pole. I think the walking was meant to be sexy, but it wasn't. Not to mention the outfit is fug-central. Where's the dancing? Or some form of spirit. I reckon they were going for a "Slave 4 U" vibe, but missed by about forty footy fields. And if Spears was trying to be a stripper or whatever then I don't think she quite has the job requirements.

The camera work appears to be trying for a cool arty effect but comes off as blurry and distracting. Constant switches between black and white and colour and then sepia(?) just make for a discombobulating effort.

Lastly I come to the most bizarre aspect of the video. And it's the blonde Britney. There are a couple of bits, including at the very start, where Britney isn't playing the dark-haired pole dancer but is a blonde-haired gal at the bar. I have no idea why. It's like they were outtakes from a discarded original video. They don't fit into the video in any way and when they are their she's just looking vacant.

It's a very confusing and very poor effort if you ask me, much akin to the "Song 4 Mutya" video. Not at all surprising, though. Still, the song is great.

When Bad Posters Strike: The Other Boleyn Girl (Part II)

2007-10-06T13:33:00.000+10:00

aka, the "It just gets worse!" edition.

IMP informs us (as does JD, which I only realised after the fact - thanks though!) that the poster for the Portman-Johansson-Bana period flick The Other Boleyn girl wasn't quite the final design. I apologise to those who were responsible for the Boleyn poster because I gave them a shellacking for that one - it was really poor.

But, as I said, that poster is no longer the official design. Now we have a new one!

And this time... IT'S WORSE! Didn't think that was possible? Well, they somehow managed it. How? Well, for starters the dress that Natalie Portman is wearing (the one that takes is 75% of the poster space) has been changed from a royal deep green to some sort of ecstasy raver dayglo bullshit green and all three cast members now have really red skin. It's like they turned the contrast on the image up from "neutral" to "wow, I can, like, touch the sky and the clouds are made of fairy floss. whoa."

Then they also decided for some unknown reason to crop the outer edge of the design so now not only are their foreheads chopped off now audiences don't even get the advantage of being able to ogle Scarlett Johansson's cleavage. And now, more than ever, Eric Bana's mysterious tit-grabbing hand looks even more like somebody just grabbed a prop hand prosthetic from a horror movie set and attached it to Portman's shoulder.

It just feels like they only had one image and they accidentally cropped it in Photoshop and saved it and they couldn't undo it. Surely this poster is a perfect example of how not to market your sexy period film, right?

Superstar!

2007-10-06T13:07:00.000+10:00

Reading this article at TimeOut I was shocked to see that genius Todd Haynes' genius Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story was voted the greatest music film of all time. "Music film" as in a movie about a real life musician (so, no musicals or This is Spinal Tap). Superstar really is quite amazing. Filmed entirely using Mattel barbie dolls, archival footage and the unauthorised Carpenter song catalogue - considering Haynes' unflinching portrayal of not only Carpenter's anorexia (demonstrated on the barbie dolls by simple scratching away the face) but also her brother's homosexuality and her family's cruely.

The film is banned, but many illegal bootleg copies exist both in hard copy and streamed on the net. The thing that struck me about Superstar was that, as the article also says, the musical scenes are incredibly moving and Haynes gets ample mialage out of the emotional distress that Carpenter goes through. It's a fantastic film, if only a 48-minute one, and I wish more people had the chance to see it.

Below is a very poor quality sample of the movie with Karen "performing" the song "Close to You". Haynes' next film is the equally strange-sounding Bob Dylan "supposition", which is out in America on November 21.

Wild About Ladd

2007-10-03T14:01:00.002+10:00

I was very pleased to see that StinkyLulu's monthly Supporting Actress Smackdown awarded their 1990 prize to Diane Ladd for her, ahem, batshit crazy performance as Marietta in David Lynch's, ahem, batshit crazy ~~Wizard of Oz~~ Wild at Heart. Ladd's performance is one of my all time favourites. It is just so bonkers, and so over-the-top, and so unhinged that I can't help but love it. Last year I wrote about The Black Dahlia and mused "Fiona Shaw plays a character that is so unhinged that it’s amazing she even exists in his movie, or any movie at all for that matter", well I must've let Ladd's performance slip my mind because those two are kindred spirits I tellsya.

I am actually a fan of the film itself, whereas many seem to enjoy Ladd's histrionics but not the film. Wild at Heart, I would go so far to say, is David Lynch's most hated film. It really does bring out the anger in people. I love it. If I were Jewish I'd say it has chutzpah, but I'm not so I'll simply say it has balls bigger than Texas to do what it does. It sure does have a visceral impact. Turning The Wizard of Oz into a sick road trip fantasy erotic horror soap opera? Getting Diane Ladd to cover her face and hands in bright red lipstick while extolling southern gothic Dynasty-esque words and wearing colossal reinventions of trendy outfits? Sherilynn Fenn giving one of the greatest cameo performances ever? It's insane and it's bizarre but I can't not love it. Even the bit where Willem Dafoe... well, if you've seen Wild at Heart you know the moment where things really go off with a bang (omg I'm so freakin' funny!)

Obviously it's not a movie for everyone, just like all Lynch films. It's not even a movie for Lynch fans in a lot of ways. But whenever I think of Ladd's performance, or that of her off and on screen daughter Laura Dern I can't help but think they are two of the most masterful performances of the 1990s. Add that to everything else about the film and Wild at Heart is actually one of my favourite David Lynch films. The movie received wild cheers and jeers (famously by Roger Ebert) upon winning the Palm d'Or at Cannes in 1990, probably more a testement to Lynch himself and not the film consdidering his followup Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, which has equally maddening violence and over-the-top insanities, was famously booed nearly out of the competition.

Below is a clip from Wild at Heart. The scene is, most likely, the movie's most famous and one in which Ladd's performance really reaches for the higher stratosphere. Her whispering voice in joint force with the... the... unique design of herself just makes it stand out. There's another of Ladd's moments that I could watch over and over and it's the "Buffalo huntin'? What the fuck does that mean" scene. "The fucker split!" Lynch does so many crazy things with the sound design and Ladd's performance up to 100. Yikes.

It still surprises and delights me to this very day that Ladd received an Academy Award nomination for this performance when the role is so bonkers and the movie had nothing else going for it in terms of awards (however unfortunate that may be). If you don't own Wild at Heart on DVD (I do! Special Edition!) then just watch this scene over and over again with the volume blaring and you'll get the idea pretty darn quick. Even down to the final moments when the munshkin costume makes a cameo! Bloody brilliant!

Everybody now: Awww

2007-10-02T16:26:00.001+10:00

Who else things the marketing people at Pixar and Disney are trying to - and I am being 100% serious here - make their new character "Wall-E" the ET of this generation? Just a quick look at the beautiful amazing poster below and I think you can see the connection, but then watch the newly released teaser then you can see they're going to be going for the jugular. And by jugular I mean the tear ducts of each and every cinemagoer. Obviously there is a Short Circuit vibe in there as well, but I think it's ET: The Extra Terrestrial that is the big point of reference. Cute adorable mini creature staring up into the heavens with doe eyes?

And from the makers of Finding Nemo? I think this one is going to be massive come America's summer 2008. The sort of the massive that Ratatouille should've been, ya know?

Who else just loves the way he says "WaaaAAAlleeeE"

When Bad Posters Strike: The Other Boleyn Girl

2007-10-02T00:54:00.001+10:00

I've seen some shoddy photoshopping in my time (considering "my time" is about double the amount time that Photoshop has existed, but that's not the point) but the newly released (via) poster for The Other Boleyn Girl is just a bloody piss poor effort, don't you think?

Let's begin by pointing out the strange way the poster scalps all three of it's main castmembers heads off. It's not like they don't have plenty of space to move the poorly arranged cast down a centremetre or two. I keep trying to scroll the image up but I can't and it's bugging the hell outta me.

Now we can move along to the fact that whoever designed this didn't even attempt to make it appear as if these three people (Scarlett Johansson, Eric Bana and Natalie Portman, obviously) were photographed together. Instead it looks as if they just got screengrabs of Scarlett and Eric and haphazardly arranged them around an image of Natalie Portman. An image, which it much be said, features Portman striking a very similar pose to another regal movie poster. And then they edited in Bana's mysterious tit-grabbing hand for added... allure?

I'm not entirely sure what exactly happened to this movie. It was originally set for release this year, but - as the poster says there at the bottom - it is now set for release in, of all months, February. A historical period film based on a famous novel being released in February? Bizarre, but true. The cast gives off the illusion of being hip and sexy (and, the more said about Eric Bana's pants the better) and Portman's name along with the prestige of the book gave it an allure of quality - I even had it down for several Oscar nominations including Best Actress for Portman in my year-in-advance predictions - but somewhere along the way I think it went over the rails, it got bumped for whatever reason to a dead zone of February and now it seems the marketing is getting off to a decidedly shaky start with this strangely cobbled together poster.

I just wish they didn't cut off their scalps like they did. Perhaps I wouldn't feel as negative towards it. It's just so... aah! Perhaps Portman's forehead extends for kilometres and kilometres. I guess we'll never know.

To see more of this series simply click the "When Bad Posters Strike" tag below.

Oklahughma!

2007-10-02T00:31:00.000+10:00

I was shocked - SHOCKED AND APPALED! - to realise I hadn't posted any pictures of Hugh Jackman lately, let alone pictures of Hugh Jackman emerging out of water without a shirt on. So, as a means of righting that egregious wrong, here are some pictures of Hugh Jackman emerging out of water without a shirt on (naturally) from JustJared.

Aah, I feel so much better now, don't you too?

Well Played, Poster: Funny Games

2007-09-30T23:52:00.000+10:00

Speechless. I was, quite literally, speechless upon viewing the newly released poster for Michael Haneke's Americanised remake of his own Funny Games. I clicked on the thumbnail at IMP and just sat there staring. This poster makes me sad, but in the good way (not in the way that, say, the Hostel Part II posters made me depressed). It perfectly portrays the sense of helplessness and tragedy that is at the heart of Funny Games. If I didn't know the original movie is tragically misguided (in my eyes) then I would be instantly putting this towards the top of my Must See pile.

[click to enlarge Naomi's tear ducts]
As you can see, it is a very simple design, but the way that it has been rendered just makes it so much more than a simple movie-still-used-as-a-poster poster. The way the colours look just ever-so bleached from the image. The darkness throughout Naomi Watts' hair seems as black as midnight and her lips and iris look as if they are losing colour too. As if her will to live is slowly evaporating.

The equally simple, but oh-so effective, streak of tears is what really makes it so powerful. The most powerful moments in the original Funny Games (and by association Funny Games '08, considering it is a shot-for-shot remake) were when the husband and wife who have been taken hostage are by themselves and dealing what has transpired. The image used on this poster destills exactly what Funny Games should have been - an entirely serious tragedy. Alas, I am afraid to say that the movie itself plays way too much like a big gimmicky in-joke and not at all like the desperately soul-crushing experience that this poster promises.

Even the tagline - a line of dialogue from the film - "You must admit, you brought this on yourself" creates an incredible striking image in my mind, the opposite of it's intentions though. Whereas in the movie the line is jokey and as a laugh, but here it feels like a terrifying sinister omen.

One last observation. Does anybody else think this poster reminds them of a Criterion Collection DVD cover? In research for an upcoming thing I'm doing I've happened across many Criterion designs and they're, for the most part, quite excellent and often times better than the original movie poster. But this design is another to rank alongside Bug and American Gangster as one of the year's best posters, even though it is definitely the simplest and the most strikingly ordinary of the bunch, but that doesn't matter one iota. It's amazing how the simple image used on this poster can evoke so much more than a million crazy busy overflowing posters. And it could have been so very easy for the designers to fall into the trap of the empty space and merely had Naomi in the bottom right hand corner while the rest of the poster was filled with black empty nothingness. They actually utilised the space they have and, obviously I think, it has worked to their immense advantage.

...I still doubt I'll see the movie though because I had such an adverse reaction to the original and there's no reason to believe this one will be any different. Shame, really.

To see more of this series simply click the "Well Played Poster" tag below.

Keira Knightley: Red Carpet Glamour?

2007-09-30T21:42:00.000+10:00

What will she wear? Keira Knightley is gearing up for what will surely be the biggest five months of her career (or, at least her acting career thus far) with the American premier of her new flick Atonement and the months and months of ensueing promotional work and the big bang of a very likely second Academy Award nomination and, let's face it, possible WIN. 2007's best actress roster is looking both incredible crowded, yet sparse. Keira's turn as Cecilia in Atonement could very easily be the ticket to Keira becoming the second youngest best actress winner ever (Marlee Matlin was 21 when she won for Children of a Lesser God, Keira turns 23 in March so she would be 22 at the time of the Oscars).

But, I am quite interested in what she is going to be wearing in this very important season. I think she looked quite great at the Venice Film Festival premiere for the film (below, with co-star James McAvoy) win that light pink texture of fairy floss dress. The dress she wore to the Venice photocall (right) was sort of plain though. Something a bit lighter for a photo op on a Venice canal dock may have made more of an impression instead of the heavy navy blue dress she wore.

The reason I am even discussing this however is because DListed had a story about how much Keira hates red carpets.

I hate red-carpet events; I absolutely hate them. I don't like the fact that people write, 'Oh, you look like crap' in print. Or 'I don't like your arms!'

Thing is, Keira has been known to make some, ahem, red carpet monstrosities, but I think we can all remember that absolutely stunning dress she wore to the 2006 Academy Awards where she was nominated for best actress for her role as Elizabeth Bennett in Joe Wright's (the same director as Atonement) Pride & Prejudice. Let's relive that amazing, brilliant, perfect outfit below. It's probably my favourite Oscar dress of the last few years. Classically beautiful in a wonderfully unorthadox colour and, for a girl who is constantly followed by anorexia rumours and quotes of "too skinny!", she actually wore a dress that clung tightly to her body yet actually made her look incredibly flattering and sexy.

So, here's hoping that Keira owns the red carpet in the following months on the way to collecting an Oscar statue. A recent re-watch of Pride & Prejudice made me decide that she deserved the Oscar for that from the list of nominees (with the absense of Joan Allen for Upside of Anger the category was pretty much null and void in my eyes though). I just like the idea of Knightley being an Oscar winner, giving us a chance to laugh at those idiots who are constantly "Keira is an ugly skinny british bitch, if she wins an Oscar I will kill myself she was in King Arthur omgzzzz!" (or whatever).

PS; As long as you keep dressing all fabo-like there will be no cause for "you look like crap" comments from me. I'm really cheering for you, I just like you for some reason. And I don't think the Academy "loses all credibility" by nominating you. It loses credibility by cutting off acceptance speeches and limiting nomination clips to a few brief seconds and then filling in time with pointless sketches and montages thank you very much. I'm done.

Being Perfect

2007-09-30T20:00:00.000+10:00

So, to follow on from my slightly drunken rant last night, here's just a bit of a summary from yesterday - aka, The Greatest Day In The History of Forever.

1. I was incredible nervous, but as the game went on it became increasingly obvious that the Geelong Cats were going to win their first Grand Final in 44 years. And how!

2. To quote some dude who was quoted in the Herald Sun today - All Grand Finals are grand, but some are grander. Isn't that a great quote? Winning by 119 points, the largest winning margin in 111 years of the game, is pretty much as grand as it gets.

3. Geelong played the most perfect game of AFL I have ever seen, and is probably the finest example of modern AFL you're ever gonna see. If you were to show people what the hell our crazy little game is all about and how it's done you would show them this game. Geelong did everything right that they possible could have. Whereas Port Adelaide did everything wrong. You don't lose by 119 points by having an "off day", you lose by 119 points by being completely flogged by a better team. There is no way they could have been better. Not one single thing.

4. Surely, the Geelong Cats team of 2007 will go down as the greatest performing AFL team of all time. Right? Because they did everything you could possibly do. They won 15 games straight, they beat Richmond earlier in the year by over 157 points, they won the Rising Star Award, the Brownlow Medal (there's now a clip online, the Players Association award for Best Player, the Coaches Association award Best Coach, the Norm Smith medal, the VFL grand final, the AFL grand final and had nine players in the 22-member All Australian squad. The only award they lost was the Coleman medal, but that's because we spread our goal kicking around and don't rely on one man.

5. Because we hadn't won for so long and so many people thought we were gonna choke at the last hurdle it was bloody marvellous to win by 119 points, but perhaps in the next finals we play it'll be closer, make it more of a contest.

6. I want to marry Brad Ottens (there! to the right!), my precious sexy love monkey. That 30-metre running tackle was possibly the best play of the entire match. Just amazing athleticism. Could I love Ottens any more? I don't think so! If you do a search of "brad ottens" in Google Images on page two my profile image comes up! The Eternal Sunshine one you can see in the top corner. Loves it! Any man important enough to get Mark Thompson telling a roomful of media to "leave him alone, all of you!" must be worth it, hey?

7. Port Adelaide Power were sort of pathetic, non? Embarassing, shameful, humiliating, terrible... pick your adjective. Six goals in an entire match is just deplorable.

8. Paul Chapman would've been my vote for the Norm Smith medal (Steve Johnson, the winner, would've been my #2, then Ottens, Cam Mooney, Matty Scarlett and, well, the whole damn team!), but Chappers' hanger on Treadrae (left) was phenomenal. Mark of the match, obviously. Mark of the entire finals series? Hmmm...

9. The moment when the final siren rang out was just... the greatest. There were no words. Seeing people like Billy Brownless (four-time Grand Final loser between 1989-1996) crying like that was so great. I indeed shed a tear or two.

10. Mark Thompson: You're a legend!

I searched YouTube for the theme song to play and this is about as good as it gets. It's some woman doing the theme song in sign! The song goes for longer, but that's all there is. We really are "the greatest team of all" though, aren't we? I bet you've never heard "Toreador" like this before!

Now, to the town of Geelong. I give this town a bad rap (other than Portia de Rossi being born here thank you very much) but last night it was like the town just reversed everything that makes it so crummy. They closed down the main street in town and it basically became one big giant street party. On the streets were cars were driving around their horns were beeping non-stop. I - and I am not joking - ran through the streets and high fived anyone who had their car window open. And then were just running around the streets in joyous mayhem, waving flags and scarves around above our head. It was crazy and I loved it. That car that had been painted with blue stripes (below) was hilarious.

So, for now, the city of Geelong is back into my good books. Geelong the footy team are L-E-G-E-N-D-S, never to be bettered. I'll probably only talk about this once more after Wednesday when I'm gonna go to the parade for the players in the city. I think I'm going to make a sign for Brad Ottens - "Ruckie of the Century" perhaps? - and to ask for his hand in marriage. Granted, that may not go down that good, but whatever. We're made for each other, clearly.

PS; I was on TV! On the news when they showed footage from the city centre me and my friends could be seen. That's kind of cool. Gold Logie, please!

For more roundups and pictures and videos and all that stuff you can check out the Geelong Advertiser's website. And trust me, this is the only time I would ever advocate reading that "newspaper".

Oh! I just remembered something. If anybody is a fan of the New York Jets (as in the American football team) then you have a connection to the Geelong Cats! Your "punter" (is that what they're called?) Ben Graham used to play for us. He was a team captain for a while and he was amazing. He once kicked something like 90metres, which is freakin' HUGE.

48 Hours My Arse!

2007-09-30T00:25:00.000+10:00

WeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWonWeWon

Not only did he we beat the Port Adelaide Power, we beat them 119 points, making it the highest winning margin in over 100 years of the sport PLUS by winning the Grand Final by 119 points we basically became one of the most (if not the #1) dominent team in the 111-year history of the sport by winning the Rising Star (Joel Selwood), Brownlow Medal (Jimmy Bartel), Coach of the Year (Mark Thompson), Player of the Year (Gary Ablett Jr), Nine All-Australian players (out of 22), the Norm Smith Medal (Steve Johnson), the VFL Grand Final and the AFL Grand Final.

Clearly:

WE. ARE. AMAZING.

I've regularly hated upon my city of Geelong for being a hole, but tonight was the most amazing night in the history of this town. We actually won! For the first time in 44 years (coicidentally (?) the score that Port Adelaide made)! OMG!!!! I'm so excited. I hope I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I have no voice whatsoever!

Away

2007-09-28T19:37:00.000+10:00

I'm not here for about 48 hours, I'm afraid. I'm going out for dinner now and then I've got work at 6.30am (yay!) and after that am heading straight over to my friend's place to watch Geelong take on the Port Adelaide Power in the AFL Grand Final and then, most likely, will be braving the pub scene whether we win or lose. And then Sunday is "the morning after" followed by work.

I could be in a very good mood when I return, or could not. It's up to Harley, Ablett, Ling, Ottens, Bartel, Scarlett, Corey and co to decide that.

In my absense you may watch the new video for Alicia Keys' amazing "No One". The video isn't anything mindblowing or anything like that - it shows that Alicia is a great singer and not a great lipsyncer - but the song itself is obviously one of the year's very best. Somehow Alicia has managed to change her voice, so that's something to think about! Methinks she's been burying herself into the Winfield Golds!

The part where she's all "oh oh oh oh oh" is particularly amazing.

Hotel Chevaliamericans Only

2007-09-27T23:57:00.000+10:00

It's like when the studios released those red-band trailers for movies on the internet and you could only watch them if you had an American driver's licence or whatever except this time it's on iTunes!

These Are A Few Amazing Things

2007-09-27T00:02:00.000+10:00

There are so many amazing things about the poster for this 1979 movie called The Main Event. View it below and then ponder my suggestions.

Barbra Streisand vs Ryan O'Neill - Very uncommon in today's society.

"a Glove Story" - Best tagline ever!

Barbra's perm - It realy was massive back then.

Actually, that's about it. But those three things equal a lifetime of laughs. It was, wait for it, glove at first site! OMG so funny.

Bankrupt

2007-09-26T23:38:00.000+10:00

I'm not making a big thing about this, but I am just so glad that Kanye West sold more albums than 50 Cent. Hopefully Fiddy is true to his word and retires from releasing albums because his album Curtis is worst of the year potential. I wrote my review tonight and he's a sample.

On ‘Man Down’ he raps “I told you I’d murder them” over the Scooby Doo theme (I am not joking). ‘I’ll Still Kill’ features Akon boasting “Don’t even look at me wrong when I come through the hood,” before charmingly discussing how he can still kill within the blink of an eye. How gangster of him. On ‘Amusement Park’ he reaches new and unheard of levels of filth.

But, the thing that really made me angry was the album sleeve. There are pictures of:

Fiddy standing on a dirty ghetto door stoop in his finest ghetto flash gear.

Fiddy and (who I believe to be) Akon aiming guns at the readers.

Fiddy eating a hand pistol with a knife and fork.

Fiddy wearing a plaid suit reading the newspaper (?!)

Fiddy smoking a cigar while wearing a white suit.

Fiddy with a near-naked (she's only wearing knickers!) woman wrapped around him in three different positions.

Fiddy with a woman's hand stuck down his boxer shorts, showing off his pubic hair.

I have scanned in two images (opposite each other though) to give you a vague idea of how repulsive it is. Just deplorably grotesque.

Charming, huh?

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2007-09-26T21:07:00.000+10:00

I caught the end of Spicks and Specks tonight and one of the questions they asked was about "The Rainbow Connection" from The Muppet Movie. I love that movie and I love that song and I also love that it was nominated for Best Original Song at the Oscars.

So here, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, is Kermit performing "The Rainbow Connection" with Debbie Harry on The Muppet Show.

Gimme More Shoes!

2007-09-26T18:58:00.000+10:00

Not the theme song to the upcoming Sex and the City film, but actually a mashup between Britney Spears' "Gimme More" and Kelly's "Shoes". It's sort of amazing.

Mark Blake or Donnie Darko?!?

2007-09-26T18:36:00.000+10:00

**sorry, more sport**

Who is more a cult hero? Mark Blake is another Geelong footy player, but more than that, I went to school with him. In Geelong he's a cult footballer, he's a ruckman (like Ottens!), which means he's a) tall and b) can jump high. Good qualities I would imagine. But the thing with Blake is that he's notoriously fickle when it comes to kicking. He hadn't scored a goal all year and usually just handballs the football to others.

But, then after 29 games, against Richmond (sad, sorry, pathetic Richmond) he finally kicked a goal. And then another. Apparently the crowd went absolutely bezerk and all the Geelong players ran down to him to celebrate. Kind of crazy. And then he kicked another one quickly after and it happened all over again.

I was at work today and noticed they're playing the Geelong theme song (and the Melbourne Storm rugby song, bleh) which I found comical. Usually at my work they play Wilson Phillips, Martika, Taylor Dayne, Shannon Noll and Australia's own Bugle Boys (aka Human Nature).

Hmmm

2007-09-26T13:30:00.001+10:00

So, basically this story is just another excuse for Madonna to ignore Australia despite going on a, ahem, "world tour". I'll believe she does a "world tour" when she actually tours around the world and not just the parts she likes (America and Europe, mostly). Your upcoming album better not be shit Madge (a highly likely outcome considering the whole "hip-hip" angle she's going for) or I'll have even more reasons to be angry. Grrr.

VISIT AUSTRALIA, BITCH!

Rogue Talk

2007-09-26T13:13:00.001+10:00

Greg McLean, director of Wolf Creek and the soon-to-be-released giant crocodile flick Rogue (reviewed here), spoke to shock till you drop.com, a website I had never heard of before (they need to proof read a bit more, if you ask me). McLean is a great bloke - I've met him and, as Ja at MNPP will tell you, the Weinstein brothers are effectively trying to screw him into the ground over Rogue. The topic of those brothers isn't raised in this interview, but it's still a goodie. McLean swears so much! I love it. Here are some choice quotes.

"Anacondas" - I really hate that film...a lot. And when people say, Oh, "Rogue" is like "Anacondas" except with a crocodile, I want to f**kin' kill 'em. I kinda enjoy them all, the really bad ones and the really good ones, but what you hope is that they don't relate your film to "Anacondas."

People always talk shit while making movies because they're f**kin' assholes, but he was a real trooper and it was a really hard shoot. He couldn't easily said, You f**ckin Aussie wankers, get me my agent?

I said, Holy f**k, we've got fifty minutes of people on this island doing f**kin' shit. This is going to be the most boring film in history.

F**kin hell, man. What were they [the makers of Primevil] thinking? ... It was bizarre. It was like "Cry Freedom" meets...I dunno.

My point is thus: Greg McLean is awesome, Rogue is quite good, and I love it when people swear in interviews. But, really, STYD, I can get away without proofreading my blog because nobody cares, but I noticed several mistakes in that one article alone! You site has a .com at the end!

James McAvoy is a 12-Year-Old Boy

2007-09-26T13:00:00.000+10:00

James McAvoy is a cutie. Despite not thinking that much of him as an actor in The Last King of Scotland, I like him. But whoever designed the latest poster for Atonement made him look like a 12-year-old Yu-Gi-Oh character. At least Keira looks amazing amongst all those flowers (that look like poppies, but I could be wrong).

[click to watch it grow, src]

Completely random, can I just say that I love the word "atonement". It sounds so... lyrical. Or something. I dunno. Feels like a very british word, too.

Random Observation

2007-09-25T21:30:00.000+10:00

Chris Lilley (aka, comedy genius extraordinaire) looks exactly like Malcolm McDowell in O Lucky Day back in 1973. Same mouth, same eyes, same chin, same nose.

When Harry Met Helen(?)

2007-09-25T20:28:00.000+10:00

Go Fug Yourself alerted me to something (and it's not that Helen Mirren is amazing and sexy, I already knew that). So I ask this of you guys, surely some of whom have read the final Harry Potter book (which I have not). Is there a role in The Deathly Hallows for Ms Mirren or is she going to be the only British actor to not have any part in the series.

I haven't read the books - I'm an unedumacated person and prefer visuals, sorry book-o-philes(?) - but think it would be kind of cool if Helen Mirren showed up in the final film of the series. Or, how about Judi Dench? That'd be pretty darn awesome, I would think. If there aren't any roles for them can we drag them up? British people love that, right?

I never did mention what I thought about Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and I'm not feeling terribly wordy about the subject right now either, but I will say this - I liked it. I quite liked it, actually. Definitely my second favourite of the series after the kind of amazing Prisoner of Azkaban. The director (somebody Yates) surprised me. The visual effects just keep getting better with each passing film, some of the set-pieces were really great - the scene with all those crystal-ball-esque things was darn good (the hall of mysteries?) - and it's always a blast to see people like Imelda Staunton. B

***Can I just point out that when I was googling Helen Mirren (how rude does that sound?) for a picture to use in this entry the second image that came up was this. Yowza! It's, er, NTFW folks***

I Love Brad Ottens

2007-09-25T15:49:00.001+10:00

He's definitely one of my favourites. He reminds me of Ben Graham.

By the way, I can't believe it either that I'm doing entries about sport. And frequently at that. I didn't even discuss the Geelong footy team when they beat Richmond by a very record-breaking 157 points earlier in the year. But, trust me, this whole sport thing will stop by next week. There's only one more week of the AFL (best sport ever?) season to go and then it's getting close to summer, which means the dreaded cri... the dreaded crick... ugh, I can barely even say it without wanting to throw up, the dreaded cricket season will be upon us. And bar the two week respite we get in January with the Australian Tennis Open, I take a very long sabbatical from even reading the sport section of the newspaper.

Americans should be grateful they have no idea what cricket is apart from the occasional reference in a British or Australian movie. It's not as bad as rugby league or NFL, but it's pretty darn close!

Jimmy!!!

2007-09-24T23:04:00.000+10:00

Jimmy Bartel won the Brownlow!! I didn't think he could (or would), but he did! Way to go! For you international people the Brownlow Medal is the award they give out to the best player of the year. Now all Geelong needs to do is win the Grand Final and they will have done the rare quadruple feat of winning the Rising Star, Brownlow Medal, VFL Grand Final and AFL Grand Final. I know it's entirely out of character for me to be discussing sport (hello!), but I've actually just been holding my tongue (er, fingers?) all year when it comes to Geelong and the AFL. You see, Geelong have lost four Grand Finals in my 21 years, and I was there at the MCG for three of them, and so this year when they were winning game after game after game I didn't wanna say anything, but... but... I can't help it now.

Please Geelong, just win on Saturday and I'll forgive you for years (and years) of torture. Don't expect me to be around here on Saturday as I will be barracking like a hooligan!

PS; Jimmy's a cutie, too. He was wearing a very dapper suit tonight (edit - I got a picture from the ABC website). His "date" for the night was one of the VFL players because his girlfriend is home in Denmark. How cute is that?

Shocking! Amazing! Unbelievable! Reviews!

2007-09-24T16:01:00.000+10:00

Strangely enough, I've actually been watching some 2007 films recently that weren't festival films! So here are some reviews. And by "reviews" I mean short rambled collections of words that form some semblence of an opinion. I'm so talented. From best to worst...

300 (dir. Snyder) - I was roughly 20 minutes into this "movie" and I got a tad bored so I came up with a haiku:

Abs, Abs, Abs, Abs, Abs,
Pectoral muscles, biceps,
Abs, Abs, Abs, Abs, Abs

You like? On one hand I have to give this movie props for being so hilariously homoerotic and, essentially, a softcore gay porno flick (muscle queens and muscle queen worshippers must be in paradise with this thing), especially considering it's target audience is effectively horny 16-year-olds. But then, this weird sort of "movie" is incredibly dull and it even gets bored with itself and retreats into a very long montage sequence. There's really nothing here, is there? Some fancy CGI (I was most impressed with how white they made Gerard Butler's teeth!) and scant clothing can't, however hard some people may want to believe it can, cover up for about five minutes worth of story, terrible acting (poor David Wenham) and a script that asks everyone to TALK LIKE THIS or talk like this.

And, perhaps I'm the only one on the face of the Earth, but I found Gerard Butler's body quite repulsive actually. His grotesque abs made him look fat, although it was obvious that the CGI enhancement was the issue because on the set they don't look anything like they do in the movie. On a positive note, there is definitely Oscar-worthy (at least a nomination) make-up work in 300. Everyone looks so shiny like golden statues and oily and scarred and there was obviously a bit of shadow-makeup used on all those scantily clad men, was there not? C-

The Host (dir. Bong) - I was disappointed by this Korean film after I had heard such great things. For starters, it was too long. Perhaps I was just drowsy but I found myself getting restless during the middle part of this film. I loved the opening and closing passages, bar the very opening scene which I think was utterly ridiculous.

I think for me the main problem I had with The Host was that it wanted to be a comedy in one scene and then a scary movie in the next, yet never merges the two so the film feels disjointed and out of whack. How are we to take something seriously when just a few minutes ago we were treated to slapstick comedy? It works better as a scary movie than a comedy, that's for sure, but unlike something even as frivilous as Tremors realised that the scares and the laughs can't come as the cost of one another and so when the quirky (don't you just hate that adjective) start falling over one another and looking like idiots I found it hard to really invest into a storyline that is quite dramatic and intense. I loved the visual effects though. C+ / C

Becoming Jane (dir. Jarrold) - This was... pleasant. I prefered it a couple of years ago when it starred Keira Knightley, but I can't dismiss the fact that Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy are incredibly pretty people to watch and the costumes are sumptuous. But... you know. It's all just a tad wishy-washy, non? C+

Remember, they weren't even attempting to hide the similarities between the two movies.

Hairspray (dir. Shankman) - Basically, if you saw the trailer and thought you would like it then you almost certainly will and, well, I did too. It's just so joyous and light on it's feet. Newcomer Nikki Blonsky is a breath of fresh air and if she never makes another movie again in her life (she already has though!) I'd still be happy to have her performance here. The rest of the cast is equally entertaining though. The men come of strongest, with people like James Marsden, Elijah Kelley, Christopher Walken and even Zac Efron impressing. From the women, Michelle Pfeiffer is a hoot as the racist velma, while Brittany Snow and Amanda Bynes play their bubblegum ditz's with charm.

I've come up with my own analogy when it comes to John Travolta and his performance. It's like you're watching a scary motorcycle stuntman. He drives off the ramp and while midair he starts doing tricks and you think he's going to crash and burn and then he lands safely. Throughout Hairspray I was frightened he was just going to turn into a disaster, but thankfully he was right on the very edge, which is where I think he needed to be. And, quite frankly, when he starts singing and dancing (despite the latex and the fact that he's playing a woman) the fears wash away momuntarily until he's back in regular mode and then it's back to being frightened. Technically the film is aces too. B+

Ratatouille (dir. Bird) - There comes a moment in Brad Bird's followup to The Incredibles right towards the end where the food critic Ego, voiced superbly by Peter O'Toole - if there was a voice performance Oscar he'd finally get his Academy Award! - eats the title food and has a brief flashback to his childhood, before writing his critique on the newly modified restaurant. It is a beautiful scene and should win Brad Bird the first Academy Award for the writing of an animated film (although, I guess something better could come along by year's end).

The rest of the film is so perfectly rendered. The animation is amazing, the voice work is precise and not riddled with celebrity voices (Dreamworks, take a hint you idiots), the cooking sequences seem so effortlessly exact and, considering it's Brad Bird, even the couple of action sequences are thrilling and exciting. You can't really ask much more of Ratatouille, yet it just keeps on giving. It'll be one of the year's very best. A

Funny Songs

2007-09-23T22:44:00.000+10:00

I, unfortunately, had no time to write something significent for Goatdog's William Wyler blog-a-thon and whenever I tried to type something I just had no inspiration (just like the entire last week at the blog, fyi). So, instead, here are some clips from my favourite Wyler film (of the limited few that I have seen) Funny Girl, all performed by Barbra Streisand. I'm not a fan of Babs outside of film, but when she's in front (or even behind) the camera I guess the pink switch just gets flicked big time.

It does amaze me that William Wyler is, as Electronic Cerebrectomy discusses, never particularly hailed as one of the greatest directors of all time who won three Oscars, which a quick glance of his resume would suggest he most definitely is. I guess he was just one of those directors that didn't forge a career in one defining style of films (such as the likes of Hitchcock, Lean, Scorsese have) and instead ran the gamut from epics, musicals, intimate dramas and even dived into GLBT themes (without the use of subtext, ahem) in movies such as The Children's Hour.

Please enjoy these clips from Funny Girl. I know I sure do.

"I'd Rather Be Blue"

"People"

"Don't Rain on My Parade"

"My Man"

Check out the rest over at Goatdog. There's some nice entries by people who actually articulate without the use of YouTube clips.

Witchy Woman

2007-09-23T18:25:00.000+10:00

O.T.I.S. has an interesting article up at the moment about the site's author taking a pilgrimage of sorts ot Burkittsville, Maryland. I'm sure you know the town whether you've been there or not, because it is the hometown (or, something like that) of witches named Blair and child abducters and cabins in the woods with bloody handprints on the wall.

Let's get this straight: I have no, nor have I ever, have any intention to ever visit this town. Never. Not once. Not even if my two best friends decided to - for some strange drug-fuelled reason - moved there and get married. No even if Hugh Jackman asked me to visit him on the set of his latest movie... okay, maybe I would visit for that. Much like how I will never ever drive through Texas - I honestly believe chainsaw-weilding maniacs will kill me if I do - or visit a clown college because they will grab me and shove me into one of their creepy clown cars and kidnap me.

The reasons is very simple:

The Blair Witch Project scared the LIVING DAYLIGHTS outta me!

To this very day I routinely label it as the scariest movie I've ever seen - I wear it as a badge of honour that in this day and age I can be brave enough (uh-huh, brave!) to state such a fact. I don't deny that I sat on my bed in the foetal position during a lot of it.

You see, when I watch a horror movie the way my brain works is this - it's scary if I can imagine myself in the situation actually being scared. I can't imagine being scared in real life by a possessed doll or something like that, which is why I never find those sort of scary movies actually scary. They have no base in reality. Even something like Alien that's set in out of space I can still connect to it because, while I can't imagine being in space, I can imagine the situation. I generally don't find zombies and vampires scary unless it's done like Night of the Living Dead and has a sense of realism about it.

So, instead of generally not making any sense right now, I'll get back to The Blair Witch Project. For me it just feels like the ultimate scary experience. The situation that the characters in that movie are in, while obviously based in myth and legend, just feels like it could be real. And to couple it with such a mundane activity as camping in the woods just raises the creepiness.

The scene where the three filmmakers lost in the woods are asleep in their tend and start hearing noises just freaks me out. Have you ever been camping? It's just like that! And then the tent starts to shake?! Jesus Christ! And unlike a lot of scary movies, even the scenes in daylight are terrifying.

Of course the piece de resistance, if you will, of scariness in The Blair Witch Project is the scene in the house with the handprints. Something that's very rare in movies is when the very last frames pull the biggest punch. Once the film ended and the credits started to roll with that eerie music over the top I was literally shaking I was so scared.

Yet, I do like to torture myself, and I have indeed watched it more than once. Something about the rush of terror that goes through me when I watch a scary movie is hard to replicate in real life, which is why The Blair Witch Project scares me so much. I feel that if I went camping I could very easily have something like this happen to me. I can't however ever picture myself being terrorised by Chucky in any life.

I know this entry made, like, no sense, but that's how I get when discussing this movie. An incoherent mess.

Happy Birthday Bruce!!!

2007-09-23T14:04:00.000+10:00

So, if my math skills are any good (which, let's face it, they are not - i didn't do poorly in the subject at maths because I felt like it) then Bruce Springsteen - aka, God - just turned 58! Of course I could be off on my time zone pedantics. Y'all know how much I love The Boss. He's everything a man should be, quite frankly, and he's one of the only male solo musicians that doesn't make me want to either a) take a nap or b) tear my ears off before stabbing their throat. His music just connects to me, whether it be his sombre efforts (albums like Nebraska or Devils & Dust), his big loud rock epics (Born in the USA, The Rising), his soundtack work ("Streets of Philadelphia" from Philadelphia, "Lift Me Up" from Limbo, etc) or albums that seem to mix his styles (Human Touch). I loved the way he was unafraid to embrace things like synths and dancing and Courteney Cox!

Next month Springsteen will release Magic his fifteenth studio album - so that's not including all his many best ofs, live albums like Boss Unplugged or his rarities collections such as Tracks - after Greetings from Asbury Park, NJ (1973), The Wild, the Innocent and the E Street Shuffle (1973), Born to Run (1975), Darkness on the Edge of Town (1978), The River (1980), Nebraska (1982), Born in the USA (1985), Tunnel of Love (1987), Human Touch (1992), Lucky Town (1992), The Ghost of Tom Joad (1995), The Rising (2002), Devils & Dust (2005) and We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions (2006).

My favourite (and all-time favourite album in general) is Born in the USA) followed by The Rising, Human Touch, Born to Run...? I dunno. Some semblence of a list is hard to create.

Below are just some of my favourite Springsteen songs. There's no way I would include every single song that I've give 5 Stars to on iTunes, so here is but a mere selection. Not all of the songs have video clips ("Lift Me Up" is a soundtrack song and didn't feature a video), but I love them too much to not include. And because this is a film blog (although lately it feels like I'm always talking about music) I've included Bruce's amazing cameo in 2000's High Fidelity. Enjoy if you will and bring on Magic - the tracks I've heard are fan-freakin-tastic. If you're wanting to get into Bruce's music then I suggest getting The Essential Bruce Springsteen (the 3-disc edition if you can) because it's pretty much, as the title says, the essential songs and then start making your way through his entire catalogue. There's an embarassment of riches to be discovered. Happy Birthday to Bruce. I love you. Please tour here soon!

Bruce Springsteen - I'm On Fire
Uploaded by Bebop_69

"I'm On Fire", Born in the USA

Bruce Springsteen-Street of Philadelphia
Uploaded by valentin73

"Streets of Philadelphia", OST Philadelpia

Bruce Springsteen - Tunnel Of Love
Uploaded by jpdc11

"Tunnel of Love", Tunnel of Love

"Lonesome Day", The Rising (Live on Letterman)

"Lift Me Up", OST Limbo

Bruce Springsteen - Glory Days
Uploaded by trashfan

"Glory Days", Born in the USA

"Reno", Devils & Dust

Bruce in High Fidelity. Precious.

Chris Lilley in deep water, again (yawn)

2007-09-21T23:14:00.000+10:00

So, the ABC and Chris Lilley (creator, writer and star of Summer Heights High) have to appolise because a joke on their show offended the parents of a girl who died from a drug overdose? A joke that was written and filmed before the girl overdosed? From NineMSN:

The ABC has been forced to make an embarrassing apology to the family of Annabel Catt — the woman who died from an drug overdose last year — after it aired a comedy with a similar storyline and character.

Comedian Chris Lilley's popular Summer Heights High this week featured a schoolgirl named Annabel who died of a drug overdose.

ABC Managing Director Mark Scott today apologised to the Catt family, saying the blunder was an "unfortunate coincidence" and not meant to make reference to real-life tragedy in any way.

"We apologise that this has caused further distress to the family," Mr Scott said in a statement.

"In hindsight, we feel we should have alerted the Catt family to the situation in advance of the broadcast."

Annabel Catt died in February after she took a lethal dose of paramethoxyamphetamine (PMA) at a music festival on the Gold Coast.

In an episode Summer Heights High screened on Wednesday night, a character named Annabel Dickson dies of an ecstasy overdose.

She is later referred to as a "slut" by a drama teacher Greg Gregson, played by Lilley.

Mr Scott said the decision to use the name 'Annabel' was made some time before the Catt tragedy occurred.

"Eleven days after the production had been completed Annabel Catt's tragic death occurred on February 18," he said.

Mr Scott has refused to pull the remaining episodes of Summer Heights High despite continuing references to the character.

Although I'm curious as to when this girl died. Was it "last year" or "February 18"? Because I doubt filming of the series has been finished since February 2006! I mean, it's sad for the family that this coincidence brings up memories, but jesus christ, if every network had to apologise to families for similaties in storylines then 90% of drama series on right now would be having to do it. It's why they have that disclaimer at the end. Ugh. If Lilley had named the character "Rebecca" I sure we'd have another family coming out of the woodworks saying the same thing.

By the way, Summer Heights High is amazing and brilliant (and most definitely not, to quote Mr G, a "bummer heights high").

The Greatest Team Of All

2007-09-21T22:35:00.001+10:00

We are Geelong
The greatest team of all
We are Geelong
We're ~~sometimes~~ always on the ball
We play the game ~~sort of haphazardly~~ as it should be played
(hey!)
At home or far away
Our banners fly high
From dawn to dark
Down at ~~Skilled Stadium~~ Kardinia Park

Thank you Geelong Cats for, effectively, giving me a heart attack. This is what I get from watching sport. But, we're in the grand final of the AFL for the first time in 12 years!! It's sort of like the Superbowl, but involving a sport that's a) watchable, b) tough and c) filled with hot guys. Now, I've gotta go relax because those two and a half hours were so bloody intense. The Cats played poorly (so many mistakes!) but they still won so I sort of don't care. Here's hoping they win next week. I can't handle five losing Grand Finals in my lifetime (and I'm only 21!)

Grrr.

Hey, Hey, It's Keisha Castle-Hughes

2007-09-21T18:56:00.000+10:00

Sometime after she had a God-approved baby in that movie about Jesus and, I assume, sometime before she had a God-unapproved baby in real life Keisha Castle-Hughes also made this movie called Hey, Hey, It's Esther Blueburger (I know! I know!) I think it's meant to be a movie for young predominantly female audiences. I guess it could turn out to be good. I mean, I didn't have lofty expectations about Looking for Alibrandi and, well, you know how that movie turned out.

And it does have Toni Collette, after all. Although to what capacity is yet to be determined. She could have a major role like Gretta Scacchi in Alibrandi or it could be nothing more than a glorified cameo as some sort of repayment to the director. Who knows? Does Toni have a hidden secret and keeping it hush hush by starring it silly-named comedies? Hmmm.

Hey, Hey, It's Esther Blueburger is out in March, 2008.

Romance & DVD

2007-09-21T15:37:00.000+10:00

Just a heads up for all your Aussie fans of musicals or Kate Winslet (or, I suppose, James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Mandy Moore, etc) that John Turturro's Romance & Cigarettes is getting a direct-to-DVD release in November. Not sure on exactly what date, but my DVD service Quickflix has it listed to hire with "Coming in November" beside it. So, this means we'll finally be able to see Turturro's gangster musical featuring a, supposed, great performance by goddess Winslet.

Place Romance & Cigarettes next to the cinematic releases of films like Hairspray, Across the Universe, Sweeney Todd, Once, Enchanted and even Richard Kelly's Southland Tales - not to mention music biopics like Control, I'm Not There and La Vie en Rose - and fans of the musical genre are getting a neverending feast of singing and dancing.

An Open Letter To Americans With A BlockBuster In Their Town

2007-09-20T23:20:00.000+10:00

Dear Americans (And Possibly People of Other Nationalities That I Am Too Lazy To Do Research About),

For a lot of last year I waxed very lyrical about the Australian film Jindabyne, which was directed by Ray Lawrence and stars The Lovely Laura Linney, Gabriel Byrne and Deborra-Lee Furness. I named it my number one film of 2006 and gave it UMA awards for Best Picture, Best Supporting Actress and Best Adapted Screenplay. I pleaded for people to go see it in cinemas but not many did. Granted, not many of you could but that's beyond the point because Jindabyne is released on DVD in America on October 2. That's just two weeks away.

So, please, if you would be so kind, do go hire this movie out on DVD. Perhaps take the dog for a walk and as you're walking past the local Blockbuster (or whatever other crazy video store chains you have in your part of the world) and ponder to yourself "Hmm, Glenn did recommend that movie with the Lovely Laura Linney". Perhaps you could be out for a jog and realise "Wow, the only thing on tv tonight is Two and a Half Men! Perhaps I'll get that movie Glenn has been raving about." No? I think YES!

If you're unsure of what you are to be looking for I will show you. If you scroll down a tad there is the cover for the American DVD release. Not only can you tell "it stars the Lovely Laura Linney!" you can also tell that "the cover design is a piece of shite!" because, let's face it, it is. Not only is it guilty of the "floating head" syndrome, it's also guilty of several other design offences, such as:

No Deborra-Lee Furness - Seriously!

Switched Name Credits - Is it so hard to have "Gabriel Byrne" and "The Lovely Laura Linney" typed above their own images?

No Deborra-Lee Furness - Again, seriously! They have mini pictures of five other cast members and not one of Hugh Jackman's wife?

A Terrible Tag Line - Cliched Uneducated Couple: "Oh, this movie is set in Australia? Let's rent Who's Your Caddy instead."

It's General Sucky Photoshop Design - It's just so... blah

But nevermind that. Please do go watch this wonderful movie. Even if you don't like it at least you will have seen it and been able to say so (just don't tell me). And while you're at it go hire out Ray Lawrence's Lantana as well. It's sort of like Jindabyne but even better!

And that brings this letter to an end.

Yours in moviedom,

Glenn

Vin Diesel Hits New Low

2007-09-20T19:06:00.000+10:00

Remember Vin Diesel? The owners of 21 Arms apparently do! Now, I haven't seen The Pacifier, or The Chronicles of Riddick, or A Man Apart, or that movie where he had a really bad wig, but I liked him in stuff like Pitch Black, The Fast and the Furious and even his small role in Saving Private Ryan (he was in it, remember?) but I can be pretty certain when I say he has reached a new low.

I'm sure most of you guys know I write for a street press called Forte writing music reviews and such. Well, today, I was flicking through the latest edition and noticed the following advertisement. The following sad, sorry, desperate advertisement. So, naturally, I scanned it in and am posting it on my blog! Apologies for the dodgy scanning job, but whatever. Until you see Vin Diesel advertised in a newspaper and scan it for the world to see you can't complain.

[Vin grows if you click him]

He's appearing at a nightclub called 21 Arms (appropriate considering his arms are the size of 21 real people) for some random unknown reason - has he reverted back to his old job as a bouncer? But, the worst part of it all is that he isn't even appearing at a Melbourne (ya know, second largest city in Australia) nightclub. No siree. He's appearing at a nightclub in freakin' BALLARAT! The town that takes, effectively, five short minutes to drive through (if the traffic's light) and, from my knowledge - i've been there several times - it's only known features are Sovereign Hill and some flower show they hold there. Oh, and some thing called the Eureka Stockade happened there :P

Anyway. If you are, for whatever reason, a huge Vin Diesel fan (*crickets*) then by all means head on down to 21 Arms on October the 6th (omg seven days before my birthday!) and, er, boogie down(?) Otherwise, mock Vin Diesel for all he's worth. The 'Rat is so lucky.

The Annual 'Glenn Mocks the ARIA Nominations' Entry

2007-09-19T21:16:00.000+10:00

Hahahahah. God. The ARIA nominations are ~~non-stop hilarity~~ frustrating beyond belief. How can an awards organisation be so amazing as to nominate a song such as Sneaky Sound System's "UFO" as single of the year and then right along side it nominate the exact same song that they have been nominating Powderfinger and John Butler Trio with for the last decade? Ugh. Their Best Album category is pretty darn insulting, come to think of it, but not at all surprising. An ARIA show that doesn't nominate Powderfinger, John Butler Trio and Silverchair for everything possible? It's just unAustralian.

I must point out that Missy Higgins, who I have been unashamed in my dismissal of, despite being the ARIA darling just two years ago, has become yet another to suffer the sophomore slump despite releasing an album that was, quite frankly, better than the first. It happened to Delta Goodrem with her Mistaken Identity album and several others. So, yes, add Missy Higgins to the list who didn't even get an album or single of the year nomination. Considering "Steer" was a load of codswallop, it's not that surprising, but her album - the name of which I can't be bothered changing browser windows to find out - wasn't anywhere near as poor as her debut The Sound of ~~Shite~~ White. Oh, and Jet. But, seriously, does anyone like Jet anymore? Unlikely.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Gotye, Mixed Blood
John Butler Trio, The Same Album They Released Three Years Ago
Powderfinger, Didn't We Release This Album Five Times Already
Silverchair, Young Modern
Sneaky Sound System, Sneaky Sound System

I haven't heard Gotye's album, but I have heard good things so good on them for nominating it! Silverchair's album was most definitely a worthy nominee and while I give them props for having the balls to nominate Sneaky Sound System I can't help but imagine the voters actually only listened to the singles - aka, the songs featuring the vocals of the amazing Miss Connie - and not the whole album, which - quite frankly - isn't that crash hot. JBT and Powderfinger releasing albums basically equals "ARIA Nominee for Album of the Year" no matter how many times they release the same CD with a different name.

SINGLE OF THE YEAR
Architecture in Helsinki, "Heart It Races"
John Butler Trio, "Whatever Song We Released, Possibly Featuring a Didgeridoo"
Powderfinger, "Boring Powderfinger Song #193"
Silverchair, "Straight Lines"
Sneaky Sound System" ~~"Pictures"~~ "UFO"

So, Silverchair's song is a masterpiece. AIH's song is quite great, too. "UFO" isn't as good as "Pictures" (which I thought would be nominated) but at least it's better than the ridiculous song that JBT are nominated for, or the boring Powderfinger song.

BEST FEMALE ARTIST
Kasey Chambers
Kate Heidke-Miller
Katie Noonan
Missy Higgins
Sarah Blasko

Expected line-up. We couldn't expect them to not nominate someone like Kasey Chambers in favour of Lisa Miller or Holly Throsby.

BEST MALE ARTIST
Dan Kelly
Gotye
John Butler
Josh Pyke
Paul Kelly

Christ. I do love Josh Pyke. But I'm sure John Butler and his tired boring dreadlocks will win yet again despite, and correct me if I'm wrong, he actually being in a group...

BEST POP RELEASE
Evermore, "Light Surrounding You"
Kate Heidki-Miller, "Little Eve"
Missy Higgins, "On a Clear Night"
Operator Please, "Just Another Song About Ping Pong"
Sarah Blasko, "What the Sea Wants, the Sea Will Have"

"Ping Pong" is possibly the best novelty song of the year, but how did Sarah Blasko get here? Her music ain't pop.

The rest are over here at the ARIA site. Needless to say, there's more shit than gold. Apparently artists like Sarah Blasko, Josh Pyke, Darren Hayes (possibly released too late) and others aren't as good as the same old artists releasing the same old album. So, basically, they're just like the Grammys or the Emmys.

RIP Ice the Cat

2007-09-18T18:26:00.000+10:00

My brother and his fiance's cat, Ice, died today. Odd how most people feel more connected to pets than they do to most human beings, huh?

:(

Random Emmy Observation

2007-09-18T17:12:00.000+10:00

The Emmys were, as usual, a waste of time. Thankfully channel 10 down here edited it down into a convenient one-and-a-half hour package as opposed to the usual three hour monstrosity. I used to like the Emmys, but not anymore. The main reason being, essentially, that I don't watch any of the shows nominated and the shows I do watch are almost routinely ignored - although Heroes and Ugly Betty were in the race this year and Kyra Sedgwick was nominated, but other than that? I don't watch The Sopranos, The Office, House, 30 Rock (it's not even screened down here), Entourage, Two and a Half Men (does anybody watch this? I can't fathom how it even gets nominated year after year), Lost and while I do watch Grey's Anatomy by the third season finale I had grown to sort of hate it and I'm not sure if I will continue watching it.

But, curious observation: The eight acting awards (two lead and two supporting categories for both comedy and drama) all went to people from eight different shows. And of the eight shows that won acting awards none of them won the Emmy top honour of Best Drama or Best Comedy - The Sopranos and 30 Rock didn't win any acting awards.

And then even curiouser and curiouser, if you check out the extremely incredibly incomprehensively long list of winners the Emmy for "Best Casting in a Drama Series" went to... Friday Night Lights! A show that was neither nominated for Best Drama Series, nor even nominated for any acting categories. Apparently Friday Night Lights is good? It's not screened in Australia, but I doubt I would watch it - I'm allergic to American football. At least Ugly Betty, which won Best Actress in a Comedy for America Ferrara, won Best Casting in a Comedy Series.

Speaking of the cast of Ugly Betty, doesn't it boggle your mind that an awards group who bestowed Emmy upon Emmy to the supporting casts of Will & Grace and Everybody Loves Raymond didn't fall absolutely head-over-heals for the supporting cast of Ugly Betty. Hello! Betty is, like, the least interesting part of that show - it's all about Mark, Amanda, Wilhemina, Hilda and Justin thank you very much. Two and a Half Men gets two Supporting Acress in a Comedy nominations and Ugly Betty only gets one(!!) Christ.

Also, way to go on Kathy Griffin winning an Emmy, and also to the South Park people, winning for Best Animated Program.

So, in conclusion, the Emmys are stupid and a waste of time. Bring on the Golden Globes and then the Academy Awards! eeeee!

Public Enemy #1

2007-09-17T21:26:00.000+10:00

Please get this man off of our television!

His name is Jacob Butler and he is a contestant (read: he's there for the prizes, not the music) on the fifth and current season of Australian Idol. This man has previously ~~dis~~graced our screens on the disaster that was Australia's version of X Factor. He's a serial talent show pest, having made the top 100 of Idol in 2005, the same year as his X Factor experience. He's obviously been trying to become a professional singer for quite some time (so much so that he aged five years in the two years since X Factor, hmmm). He's also worked overseas but, as his profile tells us, that fell flat on it's face.

So, obviously, his career has gone nowhere and so he just continues to enter these competitions hoping that his chubby cheeks will make him instantly famous. He's an attention seeking fame-hungry whore. His performances on Idol are so overdone that they actually split apart and form a parallel universe where they become good, but then they implode and form a blackhole that sucks inside everything that is good and right with the world because that's how much of a talent vacuum he is. He does these ridiculous faux-hardcore dancemoves (mid air scissor kicks! falling over on stage!) while wearing stupid outfits (a button-up wool jacket with a shirt and tie on rock night?) Dicko was entirely right when he said he'd be laughed off stage in the real world. I can't stand to watch him whenever he's on screen. He repulses me.

Also, his hair is gross.

He seems to at least have accepted that his mere modicum of talent won't make him famous and instead needs a television reality program to do it. He relishes the sound of applause, yet when a judge actually critises him he looks like he'll chuck a tanty - hi Courtney from season two! I hated you as well! So my wish is that people will realise all Jacob is is filling his desire for fame and fortune and doesn't deserve to be on there anymore.

Besides, you just know that if he does win Australian Idol he'll be forgotten about within a week because he's so unspectacular and hasn't got anything distinguishable about him whatsoever.

I didn't make this, my friend Jo did, but it's funny non?

Australink Idol

2007-09-17T17:22:00.000+10:00

Let it be forever known, Sunday the 17th of August was the worst night on Australian Idol ever. So very true. Scott to be Certain has the low down. The low, low, low, very low pathetically low down. Ugh. Tarisai to the rescue!

Awards Daily has the poster for Francis Ford Coppola's "comeback" Youth Without Youth, which you can view to the left there. The best thing about it is the title design. But, what's with all the roses lately?

Somebody tell Sarah Michelle Gellar to fire her agent, stat!

Apparently the Emmys were on yesterday? These are such a non-event these days in Australia (the programs rate even worse here than in America, The Sopranos and The Office are on at Midnight!) that the telecast is being edited to an hour and a half and being screened at some ridiculous time like 10.30pm after Californication. As long as they never do that for the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes then I won't give a hoot.

"He sells reproductions! His furniture's as fake as my orgasms!"

Somebody's decided to make a list of the Top 100 Actors who are still breathing and demanding bowls of green m&ms for their dressing room. It's to be updated yearly and whenever someone carks it and die they get booted off! How lovely. It's like Australian Idol or something. For the record #100 is Susan Sarandon. Whoever it is that has done this list has done the annoying thing of ranking upwards! Ugh. How silly. Still, it's sort of fascinating if not also an entire load of wank.

Lastly, the William Wyler blog-a-thon is on this coming weekend over at GoatDogBlog. I haven't seen enough Wyler movies if you ask me, but I do love love love the ones that I have.

Attack of the Press Release from Mars

2007-09-16T23:42:00.000+10:00

Press releases can be good for a laugh sometimes. I was bitterly disappointed with the press release for Kanye West's new album - no hysterical boasting? for shame! Yet the press release for 50 Cent proudly asks "Can the defiant former drug dealer from killer Southside Queens..." because nothing says hardcore than a drug dealer from Queens! But, moving on, the one for the Sugababes reaches new heights of hilarity. I love the gals, but whoever's working for them really needs to stop with Microsoft Word's thesaurus function. Observe:

In these boom and bust days of pop groups launching, exploding and disappearing in the night sky like fireworks on a wet Wednesday, the SUGABABES are a rare exception. Certainly, if pop’s supposed to be suffering from lean times, someone forgot to KEISHA BUCHANAN, HEIDI RANGE and AMELLE BERRABAH, as they prepare to unveil their fifth studio album. It’s the first full set in which AMELLE, having now been a SUGABABE for over a year and a half, joins KEISHA and HEIDI on vocals, adding an exciting new slant to the band’s trademark harmonies. The new, invigorated sound coupled with some unexpected changes in musical direction to open a brand new chapter for the country’s favourite girlgroup

"exploding and disappearing in the night sky like fireworks on a wet Wednesday"? What the fuck is that? And they even left out the word "tell" in the second sentence. I did also enjoy this part:

They’re also the first girl group since the 1980s to release more than three hit albums – trouncing Destiny’s Child and the Spice Girls.

Aww. And there's plenty more where that came from! You can read the rest at the PopJustice forums. Lovely.

Pulp Fiction Mystery Solved!

2007-09-16T23:06:00.000+10:00

Always wanted to know what was inside the briefcase in Pulp Fiction? I proposition that the answer may be this. It's the new five-disc special edition of Ridley Scott's masterpiece Blade Runner. Yes, you read correctly: FIVE-DISC SPECIAL EDITION. It features five different versions of the movie(!!!), including the original theatrical cut, the original director's cut, the second director's cut and the supposed difinitive director's cut. And then, on top of that, we get the original work print (what's that? the first version but with time stamps?) Also included is the feature-length making of documentary Dangerous Days and a whole bunch of other stuff on there too.

This is crazy though, isn't it? If Ridley Scott put more time into claptrap like A Good Year that he's been putting into a 25-year-old movie then perhaps he'd have his Oscar by now?

Nevertheless, I've added this epic DVD collection to my Wishlist Widget in the sidebar (it's new!) Feel free to purchase it (or anything else on there for that matter) for my birthday (October 13...!) or just as a reward for being such a nice humanitarian and wonderfully kind human being.

Oh, hush you!

Vintage Bruce 4

2007-09-16T22:53:00.000+10:00

It's Bruce's birthday in seven days. I hope he gets something special. For you we've got a performance of one of Bruce's most iconic and well-known songs, "Born to Run", done acoustically on tour in 1988. It's not quite as good as the original from the album of the same name, but not much is. At least this song sort of lends itself to being sung slow, as opposed to so many other songs that artists cover on places like Live Lounge. Also, in the clip, Bruce is majorly sexy. But, isn't he always? He rocks the wifebeater.

And for all your Bruce fans, you can pre-order his latest album Magic on iTunes. I'm going to wait and get the physical copy of it, but some people aren't as picky as me when it comes to albums.

Australian Films of 2006

2007-09-14T23:36:00.000+10:00

The last few reviews are up

These last few weekends I have been attending the AFI Festival of Film, which is screening the 15 films (plus the nominated documentaries, shorts and animation) eligible for this year's Australian Film Institute Awards. I thought I'd keep a journal of the movies I'm seeing, just like I did for the Melbourne Film Festival. Two of these films, Irresistible and Like Minds are actually 2006 releases (but they wouldn't have challenged any categories in the 2006 UMAs. Oddly, two other 2006 releases that weren't eligible for last year's AFIs are Happy Feet and BoyTown and, for whatever reason, didn't show up on this year's ballot. Weird. It's disappointing that The Jammed isn't eligible as it could have been a real force to be reckoned with. Oh well.

4, dir. Tim Slade (doco)

Unfortunately unforseen issues meant I was unable to attend the 4 screening. I hope to see it on DVD.

The Bet, dir. Mark Lee

The feature debut of Mark Lee who some of you will remember as the lead from 1980's Gallipoli. You know, the one who wasn't Mel Gibson. The Bet is a tightly wound little thriller. It's sort of like that David Wenham/Anthony Lapaglia movie The Bank, which was also about the stock market, but without the incredibly ridiculous ending (remember Anthony running around with a giant shotgun! lol), although this movie does have a weak final section it's forgivable. The actors are all good enough (I always enjoy seeing Sibylla Budd is anything) and it looks and sounds great with photography by Hugh Miller and original music by John Grey. I was impressed by The Bet, although I could see it's small beginnings (it received no government funding) behind the seams. B

Burke & Wills, dir. Oliver Torr & Matthew Zeremes

Well done to writers, producers and directors Torr and Zeremes for getting Burke & Wills made and then distributed, but unfortunately it's more a success in that area than it is in more crucial aspects. It comes as no surprise to learn that the story of Burke & Wills (not based on the famous story of "Burke and Wills") was originally intended for the stage, because it does feel very stagy. The performances feel cagey, although Zeremes does have some very find moments and shows promise as a screen actor. Perhaps it was the nature of Torr's character of Burke that made him so frustrating, but I wanted a few more facial expressions out of him thank you. There are some moments that indeed show promise behind the camera as well, but it's not enough to make this any more than a hardcore independent feature that ran out of money - there is literally no third act, which - considering where the film ended - could have really improved the film. Oh well, dems are the breaks of independent film making. C

Clubland, dir. Cherie Nowland

I wasn't exactly anticipating Cherie Nowlan's first theatrical feature film since 1997's quite great Thank God He Met Lizzie (with Cate Blanchett and Richard Roxburgh, she has since been working on TV such as the Small Claims miniseries). From the sounds of it it was exactly the sort of movie that Australians have made 1000 times before, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was much better than I had been lead to think. I can't quite put it into words, but it was a nicely blended mix of comedy and drama with fine performances by Brit-import Brenda Blethyn, newcomers Khan Chittenden (much better here than in the vile West, below) and Emma Booth, and industry stalwarts like Frankie J Holdon and Rebecca Gibney. The writing is well done with some great comedy routines for Blethyn stand up comedian mother and a "coming of age" tale that actually feels real ("Is this the Samantha incident all over again?") Definitely a strong contender. B

Dr Plonk, dir. Rolf de Heer

Trust the UMA winning director of eclectic films such as Ten Canoes, Bad Boy Bubby and The Tracker to follow up his biggest success financially, critically and awards-wise with a silent black and white comedy about a time-travelling professor. Made using an original hand-cranked camera and unused black and white film stock and employing a main cast of only three (including Magda Szubanski and Adelaide street Performer Angus Lunghi, aka Mr Spin), Dr Plonk is, quite frankly, the funniest movie of the year. Revelling in the slapstick comedy of the silent era (what with people slipping on banana skins it's like a classy Australia's Funniest Home Videos!) de Heer has crafted a truly original and special piece of cinema. It certainly won't be to everyone's tastes, but if you're willing to give it a try I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

The, best described, inspired lunacy really picks up in the second half of this 80-minute film when Dr Plonk begins travelling back and forth between 1907 and 2008, where people sit like drones in front of the tv watching commercials for a tv movie "The World Is Ending". One scene involving a chase from two police officers is particularly fantastic. I would recommend this to anyone willing to give it a try. De Heer has done it again. A-

Forbidden Lie$, dir. Anna Broinowski (doco)

A hilariously entertaining documentary about one of the most bizarre literary stories of the last decade. It involves the case of Norma Khouri who wrote a book called Forbidden Love about her Muslin friend in Jordon who was murdered by her family in an "honour killing". She wrote the New York Times Bestseller, went of talk shows (there's even a clip from USA Today) and did talks about the subject. And then it was later revealed as a fake. The film, for the first half, follows this story through dramatised sequences and discussion about the topics and such and then the second half of the film is Khouri vehemently trying to defend herself to director Broinowski. They even travel to Jordan where Khouri believes she will be murdered. And then it turns out she's on FBI's watch list! It turns out that every single name, place, time and detail in the book was changed to "protect her family" and we never do find out what's real and what's not. What we do realise is Norma Khouri is fucked up. Drags towards the end, unfortunately. B

The Final Winter, dir. Brian Andrews & Jane Forrest

Okay, first things first: I hate rugby league. No, scratch that. I loathe rugby league. Sure, if I bothered to sit down and watch a match I might get one single iota of an idea as to what in god's name is going on in that ridiculous mess of a game, but why would I wanna punish myself. Last year's worst movie was another Aussie film about rugby so I was wary of The Final Winter but while I didn't have any idea what these people were talking about it wasn't anywhere near as bad as that retched Footy Legends. There were good performances here and it brought up some interesting stuff, such as Australia sporting culture and brought back a time when men had to be men and all that junk, just not enough of it. I wouldn't recommend it for a trip to the cinema, but it's not all bad. I must say that I was disappointed that there were all these locker room scenes and yet not once did we get to see yummy Nathaniel Dean in his skivvies. POOR FORM, GUYS! C+

Global Haywire, dir. Bruce Petty (doco)

Unfortunately unforseen issues meant I was unable to attend the Global Haywire screening. I hope to see it on DVD.

Gone, dir. Ringan Ledwidge

I have issues with Ledwidge's post-Wolf Creek desert thriller. Routinely in horror/thriller movies us audiences begrudge the characters who are idiots and don't simply leave when they get a chance or who, when it comes to fighting the evil baddie, just don't think with any common sense. Well, and here is spoiler territory if you were at all interested (Aussie box office suggests nobody is), in Gone it's all buildup to what is surely a big finale, but once the main girl realises who the American travelling with them really is (dun dun duunnnn) she manages to escape rather easily (due some fortunate wire meshing) and then it ends. It's like some anti-horror movie. All buidup and then when you think the girl is going to be stupid she actually, shock, turns out to be smart and manages to outsmart the killer much fasther than normal. It's weird. C

The Home Song Stories, dir. Tony Ayres

Yes, Joan Chen gives a performance as great as you've heard. Chen is incredibly strong in Tony Ayres' followup to multi-AFI winning Walking on Water film. Thankfully, she doesn't go entirely overboard which, like Brenda Blethyn in Clubland, could have seriously hampened the film experience. Strong work is also put forth by newcomer Irene Chen (no relation) as her daughter. The film looks great, and there is a very well-done third act to give the viewer the allusion that the entire film was as strong. Unfortunately, the second act drags as the story goes around in circles of men, yelling, suicide, making up, etc. However, the final scenes do pack a punch. B-

Irresistible, dir. Ann Turner

Another incrediblty strange movie. Not only does this suburban thriller (or sorts) have Susan Sarandon and Emily Blunt amongst it's major cast members (I know) it's also like some upscale made-for-tv movie that somehow came upon a theatrical release. I mean, things you will find in Irresistible:

Susan Sarandon stalking in the bushes! Insane people! Long lost daughters! A court case! Restraining orders! Possibly incestious love scene! Domestic violence! Alcoholism! Sarandon being attacked by a swarm of wasps! Suspicious wives! Hysterical mothers! Orphans! Pottery!

At times it can be hilarious entertaining (such as seeing Susan Sarandon crouch in the bushes and break into people's homes), or it can also be silly and ridiculous (such as seeing Susan Sarandon crouch in the bushes and break into people's homes). The wasp scene was particularly disturbing for me considering my phobia of them (thank god there weren't any clowns because I may have just flipped my shit.) Still, the one thing that perplexes me still is why a character born in America and raised in Australia (I think) has a British accent. C+

Like Minds, dir. Gregory J Read

Also known as Murderous Intent overseas. An overly confusing bunch of nonsense that gets by because it's well shot and the actors are trying to keep your interest. The story stops making sense at about the 10 minute mark when flashbacks upon flashbacks start. I wonder why Toni decided to take the role in this movie? What does Gregory Read have on her? C

Lucky Miles, dir. Michael James Rowland

--Comments here. Essentially, it was cute and charming, but far too long for such a simple premise. B-

Noise, dir. Matthew Saville

And the prize for most improved goes to Noise. I have previous discussed Matthew Saville's feature debut (after brilliant TV work such as We Can Be Heroes and Love My Way and the short Roy Hollsdotter Live). I decided to see this one a second time because I had nothing better to do and, I'll be damned, I now love this movie. If Noise isn't in my top five for the year then it will have been a very good year for movies. Something about this second viewing deeply moved me. I grew to appreciate Brendan Cowell even more and loved Maia Thomas' debut as the traumatised massacre survivor. I can't quite put my finger on what it was exactly but sometimes a movie just clicks and it's magic. I felt that this time. It was fantastic. A

Razzle Dazzle: A Journey Into Dance, dir. Darren Ashton

LOL I know the whole "mockumentary" thing is getting very stale, but here in Australia I reckon it's as alive as ever (with programs such as We Can Be Heroes, Kath & Kim and Summer Heights High and this film). A comedy about the goings on behind the scenes at two dance child dance academies during the leadup to an annual prized dance competition. It has obsessive mothers (Kerry Armstrong is a hoot), campy choreographers (Ben Miller's Mr Jonathan is obviously riffing off of Corky St Clair), tutus, and 10-year-olds dancers dressed in burkas. There are plenty of hilarious one-liners and the costumes are great to look at. Overall it's just a fun time at the movies. B+

Rogue, dir. Greg McLean

Already discussed here. In summary though, Rogue is a well-made fun entertaining and scary monster flick, which is in stark contrast to the sort of scares director Greg McLean had on offer for his prior film Wolf Creek. As a moviegoing experience I liked it more, but as a filmmaking exorcise it's not quite as good. But, that's neither here nor there really. B+

Romulus, My Father, dir. Richard Roxburgh

A bit of a disappointment for me. It's not bad or anything, but it's not particularly enthralling cinema here. It follows the same path over and over again. Franka Potente shows up. Franka fights with Eric Bana. Franka leaves. Eric and son bond. Franka shows up. etc yada blah blah blah. It's wonderfully shot and Bana gives a good performance (but not one of his best), but the little kid (Kodi-Smit McPhee) pissed me off - "IT'S ME!". C+

West, dir. Daniel Krige

Ugh, do I have to? Paul at Melbourne Film Blog already said everything there is to day, but I guess I'll regurgitate it (regurgitate is an appropriately ugly word to use for West). It's basically a bunch of horrible lowlives who take and sell drugs, drink constantly, have no lives outside of taking and selling drugs and drinking constantly, who suddenly both fall for the same woman. It's a romantic comedy! No. Not at all. Every character is detestible. Am I meant to be rooting for these guys? Am I meant to feel sad when one of the main characters jumps in front of a train? The only good part was the storyline involving a hitrun victim who chooses to dump the drug lifestyle, but the film decided to focus all it's time and energy on revolting cretenous wastes of space instead of a possibly uplifting and human tale. West has, quite frankly, nothing going for it. And not even the opening credits (yes, Paul, I didn't like them either!) F

Words From the City, Natasha Gadd & Rhys Graham

Wall-to-wall hip-hop here, that serves to make the film both rauciously entertaining, but also frightfully depressing. Australia's hip-hop scene hasn't reached the mainstream level of success that America's has (although Hilltop Hoods have) so our music hasn't reached the tipping point of crap. American hip-hop used to be amazing, and now it's just monotone bores who can't speak properly, who dance around in Louis Voitton and think (think?) having bikini-clad boob jobs in their videos makes them great. By contrast many of the artists in Words from the City come off as articulate, smart and socially conscious people who deserve more respect than they get. B

That's it folks.

Deep Blue Rogue

2007-09-14T22:20:00.000+10:00

This was meant to only be a couple of paragraphs, hence it's kind of all over the place-ness...

The second film by Wolf Creek director Greg McLean is another strong effort, and another step forward in the progression of Aussie film - slowly realising that there's nothing wrong with a well-made genre flick. The film does have flaws though, don't get me wrong, but the pros mostly make up for it. Rogue features two very strong acts, the first two. The first being essentially the set up. It's not as character-forming as the work in Wolf Creek but there are about four times as many characters here as there were in that desert flick so that's understandable. These opening passages include stunning photography by the late Will Gibson (whoever says this will hurt Northern Territory tourism obviously hasn't seen the sweeping majestic cinematography on offer).

The second act is definitely the strongest as the band of characters fight for survival against the arrival of one motha of a crocodile - the first sighting (a mere shadow) had the entire cinema jumping out of their seats. Several great set pieces later (the rope sequence and the anchor sequence specifically) and two quite shocking character moments later we get to the third act, which unfortunately takes a turn for the worst with what is - quite literally - one of the most absurd plot developments I've seen in a long time (sorry, but it is ridiculous to the highest order) and I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out the moment a certain character gasps into proceedings. But, having said that, the third act is, at the same time, a sort of retro throwback to silly monster movies (15ft croc tails slamming people against rocks apparently don't do much damage,apparently!) and it's still fun, if just tainted by ruining a really great geniune shock (well, it shocked me, but I had forgotten about the trailer which sort of ruins the biggie) by following it up with one of the silliest moments. Still, McLean's command of the camera is in obvious spotlight here. As a filmmaking exorcise Rogue is, admittedly, not as good as Wolf Creek, but as a cinema-going experience I think it's better. And you won't feel like holding yourself in your bedroom slashing for days on end once this baby's finished - it even ends with a fade to white. Jesus Christ! What's McLean playing at here.

Perhaps the best thing about Rogue is the way it plays with viewers' expectations. People die who you wouldn't necessarily expect. People who you assume will die by the 20-minute mark don't ever meet their presumed date with destiny. Some people will be disappointed by this - the body count is perhaps much too low for some people's liking, to each their own - but I found it refreshing. What's that? The loud oaf turns out to be resourceful? Sounds crazy, but true. As I said, many will be turned off by this, I imagine some people will complain that there aren't enough scary moments. For me, the entire second act was scary. Just watching these people on this ever-disappearing piece of land in the middle of a croc-infested river is scarier than seeing people chomped to pieces.

I'd be remiss to not talk about the acting from the solid ensemble. There aren't any silly teenagers in distress here. The youngest castmember, Suburban Mayhem's Mia Wasikowska, equates herself well with the frantic proceedings. The rest of the non-mains are made up by the likes of ~~ASHKA!!!!!~~ Heather Mitchell as a thankfully un-gooey (can I trademark that phrase?) cancer patient, Wolf Creek's psychopathic John Jarratt as a solo adventurer with a reason, Stephen Curry as a loud photographer and Geoff Morrell as a desperately unhinged father. The leads aren't as memorable with American import Michael Vartan, Radha Mitchell (using her Aussie twang again) and Sam Worthington proving to be pretty faces, although Mitchell does has some fine moments as the conflicted captain.

Greg McLean has indeed crafted an old fashioned monster movie with a modern streak. At times it reeks of being an early screenplay that was only given a spritz of Spray 'N' Wipe around the edges (it adheres more to the screenwriting rulebook than Wolf Creek, which threw the rulebook out the window and gave it the "head on a stick" treatment). It works on a different game altogether than Wolf Creek, so it's not entirely fair to compare the two - although that's a given in any similar case. In the introduction he gave at the screening McLean said he wanted to make the sort of movie that foreign filmmakers would use our land for, and I think he succeeded. He has definitely utilised "Australia" as an idea and as a location. Early moments suggest a possible mythical Picnic at Hanging Rock-esque turn could be about to be played, while at other points it feels like a theatre production - Rogue the Musical!, perhaps? There is, generally, only three sets necessary, after all.

All this begs the question of what next for Mr McLean? As I've previously stated directors that show the skill of McLean's level are routinely poached for overseas and I hope that doesn't happen in this case. McLean seems so well-suited to telling Australian stories. He knows the land and he knows the way around Australian characters - that the American tourism writer played by Vartan is the film's weakest character is no coincidence I'm sure.

One film that I kept coming back to when thinking about Rogue was Renny Harlin's scientifically-altered shark movie Deep Blue Sea from 1999. Both revel in a sort of old-fashioned entertainment. Like that movie (although, perhaps without as much nudgenudgewinkwink going on), Rogue proves to be a wildly entertaining movie for people who like their scares to be more of the fun variety. It's the type of movie that you can take a date to and watch them squirm and then jump into your pants when the "boo" moments happen. The type where you can jump and then settle back in your seat and laugh to yourself. The type where you can yell at the characters for being idiots. It's the sort of scary movie that has, unfortunately, been thrown to the wayside by directors wanting to play a cruel game of oneupmanship. Just sit back with a box of popcorn and enjoy the ride. B+

Underrated Movie of the Week

2007-09-14T13:14:00.000+10:00

Bringing Out the Dead, 1999, dir. Martin Scorsese, starring Nicolas Cage, Patricia Arquette, John Goodman, Ving Rhames, Tom Sizemore, Marc Antony, Mary Beth Hurt, Cliff Curtis, Nestor Serrano, Aida Turturro, Martin Scorsese and Queen Latifah

zzz

2007-09-14T12:19:00.000+10:00

This?

Or this?

I think we can all let out a collective groan now that freakin' John Stewart has been officially hired as the host of next year's 80th annual Academy Awards. How crap is that? After years of lucky-dip hosting (three different hosts in three years) they had finally stumbled across one (Ellen Degeneres) who everyone seemed remotely pleased with. Sure, she wasn't brazenly political or un-PC or whathaveyou, but she was funny and easy to watch and, most of all, wasn't awkward. And then they seemingly dumped her (I doubt that Ellen would refuse if offered) for the guy that hosted the secondly lowest rating Oscar show in history (if my memory serves me well).

HOW EXCITING!!

And an in election year too? Christ! I can already predict 95% of the jokes right now. Gil Cates, the awards producer, has been quotes as saying "Jon was a terrific host for the 78th Awards. He is smart, quick, funny, loves movies and is a great guy. What else could one ask for?" Which begs the question... why didn't you ask him back last year?

Still, at least it's not Chris "I'm black and you aren't" Rock. That woulda been cause for even bigger alarm.

**I am back after my computer took a brief sojourn to the repair shop**

Aussie Posters

2007-09-12T14:50:00.000+10:00

I'm just posting these so they exist on the Internet somewhere. A google search shows that they're not out there. First is the poster for The Bet starring Matthew Newton and Aden Young, a sort of Aussie Boiler Room that was quite good. And then there's In the Company of Actors, a documentary with Cate Blanchett and Hugo Weaving about their production of Hedder Gabler (or whatever it's called).

Moving On...

2007-09-12T00:12:00.000+10:00

This just amused me a whole bunch. I've been working for the last three hours listening to a lot of shite music (Damien Leith!) and a lot of awesome music (Rilo Kiley!) but I think this is indeed the highlight.

How Horrific!

2007-09-10T19:53:00.000+10:00

The horror genre and Australian film have a beginning not too dissimilar to America, but unlike that country which embrased the genre and developed it into a money-making machine, the genre never really took ahold in Australia. In the beginning it was b-grade horror films that played at drive-ins and that revelled in absurdist violent and horror. In the early 1980s Movies like Richard Franklin's Roadgames (with Jamie Lee Curtis) and Patrick, Brian Trenchard-Smith's Turkey Shoot and The Man from Hong Kong and Arch Nicholson's Fortress were at the top of the genre. Films like Roadgames, Russell Mulcahy's Razorback and equally "grindhouse" titles such as Mad Max even regularly found themselves with statues and nominations from awards groups such as the Australian Film Institute.

Patrick
The genre seemed to disappear as many of the directors responsible for the "ozploitation" movement (as it was known) followed that well-trodden trail to Hollywood when the drive in's started to evaporate and the Australian film industry tried to become more prestigious and serious. George Miller went overseas and made films like Lorenzo's Oil and the Hollywood-ised Beyond Thunderdome, Mulcahy made films such as the Highlander series and Ricochets while Richard Franklin made the apparently decent Psycho II.

Roadgames
In 2000 a movie called Cut (featuring, bizarrely, Molly Ringwald and Kylie Minogue as the "first victim") was made as a way of re-establishing Australia's genre roots - if there's one problem with the Aussie film industry (there are many) that I can't understand, it's our reluctance to embrace genre films - alas, the film was a load of crap basically (even if looking back on it, it's ridiculously silly fun) and it didn't exactly set the box office on fire.

The same fate befell 2003's Lost Things by Martin Murphy. Getting much more press and attention, the $80,000 zombie flick Undead did moderately well. It's creators, The Spierig Brothers, won the FIPRESCI Prize at the Melbourne Internation Film Festival (MIFF) for "For daring to be everything that Australian films are not supposed to be: part of a popular, disreputable genre. We commend it as an entertainment that is also political, while showing the pleasures of hands-on filmmaking." See what I mean? But these last few years have seen a resurgance in the output of the horror genre, as well as it's marketability.

Undead
Greg McLean's Wolf Creek in 2005 is the one that kicked it off, although Australians had been prominant in previous years in the horror genre overseas. Aussie Jamie Blanks, who had only made the short horror title Silent Number in 1993, was in the helm of Hollywood slasher flicks Urban Legend (good) and Valentine (very bad), while James Wan and Leigh Whannell were behind the incredibly successful Saw franchise. Wan directed and Whannell wrote and starred in the original and easily the best before being dumped/stepping down). Wan and Whannell have since gone on to direct the Magic-inspired (I can only assume as much) Dead Silence and Death Sentence.

But back to McLean and Wolf Creek. The film was marketed as being "based on a true story" (aren't they all?), but was actually only inspired by the real life cases of Ivan Milat and Bradley John Murdoch, two serial killers who roamed the Aussie outback. Murdoch convicted in 2005 of the disappearance of British traveller Peter Falconio and the attempted kidnapping and torture of Falconio's girlfriend Joanna Lees, while Milat is serving time for the known murder of seven backpackers in the 1980s and 1990s.

Wolf Creek
Wolf Creek proved to be a watershed moment if you will. For a R18+ rated (Australia's harshest rating, equivelent to America's NC17) horror film whose biggest star was John Jarratt it's box office was phenomenal, and it went on to become the highest grossing Aussie film of 2005, even making it's debut at the number one position at the box office. It proved to be a minor hit in the UK and the US (where it's release was incredibly destroyed by a Christmas Day release). It even managed seven AFI nominations including a Best Director nod for McLean.

Wolf Creek again
Jamie Blanks has returned to Australia to make Storm Warning, which is apparently going to be another gorefest (it has been rated MA15+, but, if the trailer is any indication, it actually has a storyline to go with the violence) and Greg McLean's second feature outing Rogue is set for release in November (which I will discuss in the AFI guide soon). That's just the tip of the iceburg however as the IF In Production website demonstrates.

Amongst the upcoming titles are Black Water (image, right), described as "a terrifying tale of survival in the mangrove swamps of Northern Australia", although the poster makes me think it's a direct-to-dvd Rogue. There's The Hunt which sort of sounds like a twist on Battle Royale - "5 killers, 5 victims, 1 aim... to survive." The Forest sounds promising, described as "the terrifying tale of nine Australians who are abducted while holidaying in the picturesque Flinders Ranges". The horror comedy Zombies in Combies (love that title) seems to have taken a page from the Shaun of the Dead "rom-zom-com" book with it's storyline "a backpacking American is looking forward to meeting up with the girl of his dreams before an outbreak of zombiism thwarts his rural rendezvous." Nice.

Rogue
Lastly, perhaps the biggest light on the horizon (after Rogue) in terms of both commercial (here and internationally) and quality success is the upcoming film Daybreakers. It's written and directed by the Spierig Brothers and alongside it's cast of Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe it features Australians Sam Neill, Claudia Karvan and Vince Colosimo (who you can see in the below picture). It has a budget of $21mil and is an Australian/US co-production like other recent big films Happy Feet and Moulin Rouge!

Daybreakers
Alas, with buzz and success comes the allure of Hollywood, which just recreates the whole cycle over again. Here's hoping people like Greg McLean, the Spierig brothers and Jamie Blanks choose to hang around these shores for a few more years to come.

(this entry was inspired by yesterdays viewing of Rogue, which, as I said, I will be discussing later)

Are Your McLeans Showing?

2007-09-10T12:59:00.000+10:00

While I'm not sure if anyone outside of Australia will get that title reference, mine surely were showing yesterday when I met Greg McLean (although, in all efforts for full disclosure, I use Colgate). McLean was the director of the 2005 Aussie horror flick Wolf Creek and was at an AFI member's screening of his latest film Rogue, which I've discussed plenty of times before (click the 'Rogue' tag at the bottom to see).

He's a very talented man, which is obvious if you have seen Wolf Creek and Rogue (which I'll be writing about later) and, as an added bonus, he's totally sexy. He rocks the silver fox.

So, anyway, I was sitting in my seat waiting for the screening to start when I look over and immediately recognise him and I'm all "omg!" in my head and I rummage around in my bag and pull out the AFI Screenings Guide that every member gets, and it's filled with details about all the movies and such. I flipped it open to the Rogue page and walked up to him and did something I had never asked anyone to do since my days as a regular footy attendee - I asked for his autograph!

We briefly spoke after that. I mentioned how I "had waged a war on the Weinstein brothers" on his behalf and he and his two guests (Rogue co-producer Matt Hearn (I think) and one of the supporting actors from the film Robert Taylor) laughed and the producer said to join the club. Taylor then asked if we can do wage a war again for another Aussie horror flick Storm Warning, in which he also stars.

Someone else who was talking to him asked him if the film was any different from the last screenings they held and McLean said it was a bit shorter than before. After the screening Taylor mentioned that there will be more of him on the DVD. So, that was pretty cool. McLean was certainly nicer than the director of Irresistible, Ann Turner who, when I asked how she managed to get Susan Sarandon and Emily Blunt to star in her movie, snippily replied "I sent them the script!" and turned around to other people. Hmmm.

Things I Did Today

2007-09-09T20:43:00.001+10:00

Ate an apple.

Saw two good movies.

Met Greg McLean.

Ate a hotdog with fries and a cherry coke at that crazy '50s diner on Toorak and Chapel

Watched Geelong kick arse in the footy and win by over 100 points.

Napped.

Got sick.

Saw what I never though I would, with someone singing The Gossip's "Standing in the Way of Control" on Australian Idol

Cooked pasta.

And that's about it, really.

Update?

2007-09-08T23:02:00.000+10:00

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. I'm tres busy with movie watching, work, friends and family members in hospital, napping, general social activities and the like. On Monday I'll have write ups from the last of my AFI screenings including the much anticipated Rogue from Wolf Creek director Greg McLean. I'm seeing the highly-touted arthouse box-office phenom The Jammed on Tuesday and will have some words on that. Plus I will finally get around to starting that countdown thing I've been mentioning in bits and pieces for the last few weeks.

I also saw Ratatouille tonight and it's very good. I'm seeing Hairspray next week IN GOLD CLASS and I'm very very excited - my two big anticipated "summer" movies finally arriving. Yay.

I did get to meet Paul from Melbourne Film Blog today at the AFI screening of (the horrendous) West, so that was pretty awesome. How horrendous is West? Quite horrendous, actually. So "quite horrendous" in fact that I thought to myself "Fuck it! I'm giving it an F!" because I can't think of one redeeming feature about it other than "Khan Chittenden has nice stubble." Which he does. And that's about it.

Anyway, until I get to write something again here is the new Sugababes video. It's for the song "About You Now", which I've discussed earlier, from their upcoming album Change. It's.. umm... well, it's better than the "Song 4 Mutya" video, so it's got that going for it. And the three 'babes look good (Ammelle especially). I'm not really sure what anything in the video has to do with anything else though. And there's bits in the song that aren't in the radio version. Annoying? Yes. I had learned the song back-to-front and then they go and change it up on me. THANKS A LOT!

Not Cool!

2007-09-07T03:09:00.000+10:00

You know what's not cool? Collapsing in a city street at 3 in the morning due to an asthma attack. How lame is that? Not due to massive intoxication, no. But, asthma! Asthma must be the silliest health problem imaginable. And I felt even sillier because I was out having fun with a friend who's going into hospital on Monday for life-altering surgery and I'm there collapsing and complaining about how I can't breath.

L-A-M-E

J.Lo Goes to War

2007-09-06T16:37:00.000+10:00

I dare you to look at the album cover for Jennifer Lopez's new album Brave and not be filled with endless glee. Is this not the campiest album cover you've seen in a good long time? She's gonna smack that ho bitch down. Hahah. Jennifer, you and your crazy ways.

Feels like it should be an alternate ad campaign for War doncha think? If, instead of Jason Statham and Jet Li War starred two oppising Lopez-bots who duke it out mano-a-mano to the death until only one can survive - Singing Lopez or Acting Lopez. WHO WILL WIN?! Find out Labor Day weekend 2008.

PS; I do quite like "Do It Well", actually. It's got a bit of a spicy-action-movie vibe actually. They could use it in the trailer!

Don't get me wrong, the cover is absolutely atrocious but my god - it's hilarious! It's the Showgirls of album art.

Not Quite Vintage Bruce

2007-09-06T15:57:00.000+10:00

The new video.

Hook Them Up

2007-09-05T15:55:00.000+10:00

I like The Veronicas. They're sort of awesome, just like their new song "Hook Me Up". Below is the video. It's no "Everything I'm Not", but it is very Rogue Traders' "Way To Go". They seem to have ramped up with lesbian twin angle as well. Lastly, I don't think I approve of the blonde hair. Italians with blonde hair look weird.

She's Back, You Fugly Slags!

2007-09-05T14:30:00.000+10:00

Tonight is the night. In exactly seven hours Ja'mie King returns to Australian television screens in Summer Heights High, the latest documentary from Chris Lilley. King last appeared on We Can Be Heroes, which followed several Australians who were vying for the title Australian of the Year. In the two years since that documentary ended she has moved up to year 11 and is in a student exchange program with Summer Heights High. The documentary follows Ja'mie as she tries to bring her personal charm to the school. It also follows drama teacher Mr G, star of Tsunamarama - the tale of the Boxing Day tsunami set to the musical beats of Banarama - and Tongan trouble maker Jonah Takalua.

In the meantime let us experience the Ja'mie by viewing some of her finer moments from We Can Be Heroes including her wall of African sponsor kids, her school assembly dance for recognition, fugly lesbians, should make-up be allowed in school, her similarities to Jesus ("I'm a hot Jesus! Jesus was so ugly, seriously!") and her basic general hotness. Enjoy (because you will).

Common Denominator

2007-09-04T22:22:00.000+10:00

Lack of updates today was due to work and family "issues" (he says with all the Kath & Kim inflections that he possibly can). So, as a riddle-me-this: What do the following movies have in common?

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, dir. Little

Moonstruck, dir. Jewison

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, dir. Hooper

and

Tootsie, dir. Pollack

Well, that's for me to know and you to find out. That unholy combination of movies are connected somehow.

Glenn reviews Electroma using images from the film

2007-09-02T23:25:00.000+10:00

Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a "review" of Daft Punk's psuedo-silent (there are only songs, usually instrumentals, on the soundtrack) experimental (there isn't much going on at all) film Electroma so much as acknowledging how ridiculously absurd the movie is and proving it by showing you 40 (yes, FORTY!, I suffer for my work) pictures and writing commentary underneath that is neither enlightening or witty. Enjoy?

Er, there are spoilers in here so if you have any legitimate desire to see this (if you even can, it's a mere miracle that it's even available on DVD in Australia) perhaps you may not actually wish to view this entry. But, let's face it, Electroma's appeal isn't it's hard-hitting twist-laden plot, is it?

It opens with a car. It's very pretty.

Then the same car but from a different angle. Amazing.

It has a nice title card, which also features the first David Lynch reference (Lynch loves closeups of fire, and these appear throughout Electroma)

Inside the car. Thrilling, right?

Still inside the car but with a new view out the front window. It repeats this theme for several minutes so we'll skip ahead, shall me?

Exterior shots again. This is pretty much the entire opening passage of the movie. A road trip movie for the whole family... not quite. Where's Abigail Breslin?

More Lynchisms - close ups of road lane strips even though cars don't actually drive over the stripes.

This scene features Todd Gundren's "International Feel". The use of that song is as amazing as you can probably imagine it being. I think I saw Steve Carell hiding in the backseat.

Lynchism #3 - Man driving down the highway on a tractor. Except I'm pretty sure even David Lynch didn't dress old Richard Farnsworth in a Daft Punk robot helmet. OR DID HE?!? No. I'm pretty certain he didn't. Shame, really.

There's suspence! See, Daft Punk Robot #2 (#1 is the one that doesn't look like Gort from The Day The Earth Stood Still mated with an ATM) is looking out the window and looking back at him is...

...someone reading a newspaper! It's like The Hand That Rocks The Cradle it's so suspenceful!

I like to think that pregnent Daft Punk Robots give birth to a robot helmet and then a body with legs and arms just sprouts from it.

Weddings bring a tear to my eye, but those bridesrobot dresses are hideous.

It's comforting to know that robot communities are so accepting of obviously homosexual robots that they can freely wear studded leather jacket and pant ensembles without fear of being bashed by local thugs. I think I saw two guys wearing the same outfit at The Market* one time :/

They enter this black building. I'm fairly certain it's a bathhouse for gay men.

Okay, no it's not, apparently because now they're in this incredibly white room and I don't know what's going on.

They start to get cat vomit poured over them. It's hot!

Then they get appendages attached to them! Because being human means having a nose and mouth and eyes and ears and hair.

This girls obvious look of horror (can't you tell?) is because of...

THISHOLYJESUSFUCKINGCHRIST! These Daft Punk Robots need better plastic surgeons because nobody is gonna believe they're real humans, okay?!

The townspeople are aghast!

One kid drops his ice-cream and it's all very avant garde. Look how the shadows reflect the inner conflicts of robots who want to be humans.

Then they start to melt and Joan Rivers is terrified, no doubt.

In what is actually one of the most memorable sequences in the movie (suspiciously a sequence that most resembles a music video, too) they run around screaming and looking like fools.

The townspeople form a posse for, from my understanding, absolutely no reason. It's kind of cool.

Then it all goes avant garde again with the camera going on weird angles and out of focus. For a moment it feels like an M Night Shyamalan movie. "Look at me with my craaaaaazy camera angles!"

Coming up soon on Fox: Stars Without Make-Up followed by Botched Plastic Surgery and the Stars!

And now they're back to their good ol' familial faggy leather daddy selves. Aah, comfort zones.

Apparently there are monster truck tyres randomly strewn about the Californian desert.

At this point in the movie the Daft Punk Robots quite literally walk about the desert for 40 minutes. It's actually far more mesmerising than you can probably imagine.

Still walking, but from a different angle!!!!

For no real reason that I can assertain we get a five minute sequence of sand dunes. It's pretty like in The Lord of the Rings where they repeatedly showed all the snow-capped moutains of New Zealand.

In the best scene of the movie Daft Punk Robot #2 walks away from Daft Punk Robot #1 after Daft Punk Robot #1 presses a button on his back.

The Daft Punk Robot #2 explodes.

It's so awesome that they show it again!

And again!

If you happen to see this movie on DVD don't fear during this bit. I thought the DVD had frozen, but it turns out the robot just stands in the same place for five minutes. Thrilling.

ROBOT PORN!

Self-harm is not okay...

unless you're a Daft Punk Robot and it makes for an amazing final sequence. This is either really good visual effects or a great stuntman. Wow, this movie is actually more depressing than Babel. All it needs is Rinko Kikuchi flashing her vagina and it'd be an Oscar contender!

In conclusion, despite what you may sense as sarcasm (okay, a lot of it is), I did really enjoy Daft Punk's Electroma (even though the Daft Punk Robots aren't played by Daft Punk, they did write, direct and photograph it themselves). Despite it quite literally being a video clip extended to 74 minutes and there being zero dialogue (this is the second "silent" film of 2007 after Dr Plonk. how strange) amd half the movie being just like Gus Van Sant's Gerry. I was always intrigued and fascinated as to what I was looking at and I never once felt like I was going to fall asleep like I did during the quite decent Gerry. My mind keeps drifting back to Electroma days after experiencing it (I prefer to use that word than "watching" because it is more of an experience than a narrative-driven feature film). That final scene was amazing. B+

*The Market is a gay club in Melbourne.

The A to Z of Glenn's Movies

2007-09-02T14:56:00.000+10:00

A sequel, which I thought could be fun. For the last few letters I had to choose movies that aren't necessarily my favourites of all time, but were the best of what I had seen.

All That Jazz, dir. Bob Fosse

The Breakfast Club, dir. John Hughes

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, dir. Richard Brooks

Days of Heaven, dir. Terrence Malick

Educating Rita, dir. Lewis Gilbert

Flying High!, dir. Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams & David Zucker

Gilda, dir. Charles Vidor

Hoop Dreams, dir. Steve James

I'm the One that I Want, dir. Lionel Coleman

Jackie Brown, dir. Quentin Tarantino

The Killing, dir. Stanley Kubrick

Lantana, dir. Ray Lawrence

Mulholland Drive, dir. David Lynch

Norma Rae, dir. Martin Ritt

One from the Heart, dir. Francis Ford Coppola

Psycho, dir.Alfred Hitchcock

Quick Change, dir. Howard Franklin & Bill Murray

Rebel Without a Cause, dir. Nicholas Ray

Scream 2, dir. Wes Craven

Terminator 2: Judgement Day, dir. James Cameron

Unfaithful, dir. Adrien Lyne

Venus Beauty [institut], dir. Tonie Marshall

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, dir. Robert Zemeckis

X2, dir. Bryan Singer

You've Got Mail, dir. Ephron

Zatoichi, dir. Takeshi Kitano

Well Played, Poster Vs. When Bad Posters Strike: Michael Clayton

2007-09-02T14:08:00.000+10:00

I never commented on the poster for Michael Clayton because it seemed everyone else out there on the net was praising it (deservedly) and I couldn't be bothered rehashing everyone people had already said. So here is the poster, again. It's quite amazing, don't you think?

And now take a look at the newly released French poster for the same movie. It's not a necessarily bad poster (in other circumstances I wouldn't "Strike" it down) but when you compare it to the original American poster, well, it looks sort of direct-to-dvd. What with it's blue filter and all.

This is also one of the rare times when the foreign poster is actually far worse than the American version. It's usually the other way around. Hmmm.

Hilary For President!!

2007-09-02T14:02:00.000+10:00

I think her election promises are infinitely better than everyone else's, don't you agree?

:P

It's Britney, Bitch!

2007-08-31T20:57:00.001+10:00

I've never been a huge fan of Britney Spears. For every amazing "Toxic" or "Slave 4 U" there's a terrible "Outrageous" or "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" and her early years are too bubblegum for me (says the man who just last week was addicted to Aqua and Bardot) and am not a fan of her albums give or take the occasional great single choice ("Overprotected" and the aforementioned "Toxic" and "Slave 4 U"). Needless to say I haven't been one of the people foaming at the mouth of new Britney tracks - especially when every day there are new pictures of her abandoning her children (and when she has them she's dangling cigarettes in their faces).

But, two tracks leaked today, which you surely have already heard. If not, "Gimme More" is below. "Gimme More" is the good one. "Cold as Fire" is the other (you can find it withing a couple of clicks on the net, surely) and it is the one that's not good. If "Gimme More" is the lead single as they say then, depending on the rest of the album, I guess they could be much worse (like, for instance, "Cold As Fire").

It's interesting to see Britney go back to dancier club-oriented music when she's trying to make a comeback because while the rest of the world likes it America is shit scared of it (see how shitty Madonna's Confessions album did compared to the rest of the world). We'll see if her name can get it over the boundary and into mainstream.

I do love the "It's Britney, bitch!" part at the start. Don't you?

Je t'aime Jamie

2007-08-31T20:30:00.001+10:00

Emma over at All About My Movies directed me to an article in The Guardian recently about my Jamie and his latest film, which I am anticipating so much, Hallam Foe. The article is located here, but I chose to give y'all some choice bits.

[Director, David] Mackenzie tells me, "There's no one Jamie's age in this country to touch him. You'd have to draw comparisons with the heroes of 60s cinema. He's bloody good. Very laid back to work with. Takes notes."

Does he live in London now? He flicks me a suspicious look. "Yeah. Just outside."

It has been to his father's credit that, since Bell became famous, he hasn't come forward to claim 50% credit for his genetic make-up. "I wish he had - that would've been hilarious." Bell says this with deep, adolescent sarcasm.

Among his contemporaries, he admires James McAvoy, but says that, generally, "I don't think there's a lot of actors out there right now who really know what they're doing at all. There was a generation of actors who were classically trained, knew what it was. But now I think younger actors, there's no real progression. They're just doing it."

His friend, Anne Hathaway, with whom he worked on Nicholas Nickleby, had a similar problem after her success in the Princess Diaries. "She was in this film Havoc - it's not very good and there's a weird vibe about it, which is that she's taking her clothes off. It's obviously the producer or her manager or her publicist or someone from Disney saying, 'She's getting her tits out, it never happened, she was never in Princess Diaries.'"

I love Jamie so much.

2:53

2007-08-31T15:19:00.000+10:00

No this isn't a rip off of Film Experience's 20:07 feature, nor is it some sequel to Aussie suicide drama 2:37, no it's a song timestamp.

2:53

If you have been lucky to pick up a copy of Darren Hayes' new CD This Delicate Thing We've Made (love the album title btw) and having listened to the sublime "Casey" then you'll know that at 2 minutes and 52 seconds is the moment that music changed forever. The moment an already amazing song morphs into the greatest moment of Hayes' career. The moment when that deep pulsating beat takes over and sends the song into the euphoric stratosphere.

The rest of the album is pretty darn good too. Probably the best album of 2007 so far. Shoutouts also go to "How To Build a Time Machine", "Waking the Monster", "On the Verge of Something Wonderful", "Bombs Up In My Face", "Neverland", "Me, Myself and (I)", "Words', "A Fear of Falling Under", "Who Would Have Thought?", "The Future Holds A Lion's Heart", "Setting Sun" and "The Tuning of Violins", but really all 25 songs on the amazing double album are great. BUY THIS ALBUM NOW!

Underrated Movie of the Week

2007-08-31T14:50:00.000+10:00

(after some time off, here we are)

Psycho, 1998, dir. Gus Van Sant, starring Vince Vaughn, Anne Heche, Julianne Moore, Viggo Mortensen, William H Macy, Robert Forster, Phillip Baker Hall, Anne Haney, Rita Wilson, James Remar, Rance Howard, Chad Everett & James LeGros

Let's All Congratulate Sarah Polley!

2007-08-30T19:45:00.000+10:00

Somehow in between her acting commitments, writing and directing Oscar-buzzed Away From Her and avoiding the dentist, awesome Canadian Sarah Polley found time to audition for Australian Idol. She made it into the top 100, and then the top 24 and just five minutes ago she was voted into the top 12! Way to go Sarah. You deserved it!

Also, can Husny and Mark get through in the wildcard round please? Husny because, well, he's Husny and Mark because he will be the only hot contestant. We need one, right?

How was Mark Holdon (of all people) the one person who wanted Husny in the wildcard round at all though? I mean, huh?! Marcia wouldn't even look in his direction when his name was announced. Is Husny another Chanel? I sort of hope so because a) Chanel was awesome and b) was the only contestant to really rub Marcia the wrong way (fuck you Marcia honey girlfriend dahling).

Can we all lead a collective yawn over serial greasy scarf wearer Daniel Mifsud and Dullard McDullard-Buble Carl Riseley? BOOORING! Although Mifsud does get points for listing his favourite album as The Simpsons Sing The Blues. I HAVE THAT CD!

Lastly, let's all mourn the loss of Cheray Doughty from the competition. She didn't even get into the wildcard round! How, when there are six males and two females in the wildcard round, is she not one of them? Crazy. She was super cute and a great singer, too.

Frowny face, indeed.

Fosse Shmossy

2007-08-29T13:01:00.001+10:00

You know what movies are sooo overrated? All That Jazz and Cabaret directed by so-called "genius" Bob Fosse. If I had a dollar for ever time I'd heard pretentious wanky film obsessives say how great they are I could move to New York City and bash all those theare-going freaks with my mighty mighty fists.

I mean, honestly, who has even seen these movies? It's not even like they're that well known. Clearly they don't hold a candle to the brilliant stylings of High School Musical and High School Musical 2. Did Cabaret and All That Jazz even win two Emmys? I DON'T THINK SO! The High School Musical films have heart, y'all. Those films had the greatest choreography in the history of cinema/television/theatre. That "Keep Your Head In The Game" scene where the basketball players who all just said they hated singing and dancing all start, wait for it, singing and dancing to the beat of their basketballs is amazing. Compare that to the lazy "Mein Herr" from Cabaret and I think you know who comes out the victor.

Or what about All That Jazz? It claims to be a "musical" when really it's nothing of the sort. All the musical sequences are rehearsals for a stage show and at the end they're all FANTASY SEQUENCES! What the fuck? Who's ever heard of fantasy in the musical genre? Jesus Christ! That bit where the guy from Jaws is lying in his bed dying and then the next minute he's dancing with that black guy who is not Corbin Bleu? Or the bit where he dreams his daughter is singing that retched "One Of These Days" song is nothing when you stand it next to the young stars of High School Musical. Hello Zac Efron and Vanesse Hudgens!!!!1omg

I think we all know that the High School Musical franchise is the greatest movie musical venture of all time. "Stick With The Status Quo" beats every song from a Fosse movie (if you can call them "movies", because, honey, they ain't!) All That Jazz has a song with FAST FOOD METAPHORS! What kind of message is that sending to audiences when they sing "Drop your diet/Have a ball/Don't stop with one/try them all." Perhaps All That Jazz is the reason why our world is becoming full of DISGUSTING OBESE PEOPLE! If they followed Ashley Tisdale's diet regime of a wilted lettuce leaf for breakfast, lunch and tea then maybe we'd all be better off!

This was a part of Lazy Eye Theatre's Bizarro Blog-a-Thon. Enjoy. Or not, as the case may be.

Vintage Bruce 3

2007-08-29T11:50:00.000+10:00

By now you all know that I worship at the alter of Springsteen, right? He is my God. I shall follow him wherever he may take me. Well my head metaphorically exploded this morning when on page three of the Herald Sun I discovered the following little article in the bottom right hand corner.

[click if you can't read it]

Not only are they offering a free download of his new song "Radio Nowhere" (in which he has recruited The E Street Band. Perhaps the one thing I worship more than Bruce is Bruce and the E Street Band. Clarence Clemons? I love him!) which is about 2789 different kinds of excellent, but they also mention that Bruce and the E Street Band are rumoured to be touring in 2008!!!!!!omg*faints*

For today's clip (every so often until his birthday on Sep 23 I'll be posting random clips for your viewing pleasure) we have Bruce and the E Street Band performing Jimmy Cliff's "Trapped". I'm not sure if this is the only time they ever performed this song, but the version I have on my iPod (from The Essential Bruce Springsteen) and this version on YouTube are exactly the same and makes me think the live version on the CD was taken from this performance. This song, for me, is sort of euphoric and all sorts of amazing. Definitely one of my top 10. Did I mention how awesome Clarence Clemons is? Cause he is. Awesome.

Seriously. Bruce in 1985 (Born in the USA period). Has there ever been anyone sexier?

"You're Gonna Die!"

2007-08-28T21:15:00.000+10:00

I really don't know why I'm following the developments in the release of The Strangers starring Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman other than it seems to be exactly like French horror thriller Ils, which I had a dubious pleasure of seeing at MIFF.

Below is the "Yellow Band" (fucked if I know what the hell that means. You crazy Americans and your crazy colour-coding) trailer for The Strangers and it certainly makes the film look more action oriented than the more psychologically mind-fucking Ils. I do quite love the trailer actually. It doesn't show so much violence as to possibly turn people off. I'd go so far as to say it's one of the best trailers of the year. It's positively fucked up and scary as hell at the same time.

One bit that seemed odd was when the knock at the door is heard and they say "Isn't it four in the morning?" or whatever they say (because knocks on doors are odd at 4am doncha know) yet they have just gotten all dressed up for, seemingly, a nice night out (dinner and a scary movie, perhaps?)

Glenn Sez: Delta Goodrem, The Veronicas, Australian Idol, Silverchair

2007-08-28T18:33:00.000+10:00

Hi folks, Glenn here. I thought I'd get back to doing group music posts like this instead of multiple entries about how awesome the new Sugababes/Girls Aloud/Robyn songs are (even though they totally deserve their own entries, but whatev).

First up on the agenda is Delta Goodrem. Delta and I have a troubled history. Could I hate "Born to Try" any more? Perhaps, but I do really dislike that song. I'm not that big a fan of stuff like "Almost Here" and such, but then she also has some amazing songs like "Mistaken Identity", "Out of the Blue", "Will You Fall For Me" and such. So it was with bated optimism that I listened to her new song "In This Life" on her MySpace profile and it's quite good. The chorus is particularly stunning. If this is an indication of her new album (which apparently has a fresher sound? You see she's not suffering from cancer anymore so she can be light and fun but definitely not when she had cancer. No way. cause "Out Of The Blue" was all doom and gloom?) Here's hoping the album is alright. Still, how will she ever beat "Mistaken Identity"?

Moving on to The Veronicas (we have a very Australian theme tonight, don't we gals and gents?) who had dumped the guitars from there quite great debut album The Secret Life Of... and have jumped onto the '80s synth bandwagon with their new track "Hook Me Up" (available on iTunes folks). It's really quite great. We know that Adem at I'm Always Right (a fellow Geelongian btw) loves it. It's no "4ever" or even "Revolution", but it's better than quite a few of the previous album's non-singles. I whole-heartedly nod my head in appreciation. Shame about the terrible single sleeve though.

Moving on to Australian Idol, which I have begrudgingly been watching this year because there is nothing else on television. There's seriously maybe two other shows I need to watch every week. So far this year's season has been sorta lame with a whole lot of acoustic guitar playing by solumb sensitive guys who wear scarves and skinny-leg jeans and a lot of acoustic guitar playing by solumb girls with straight hair and who wear cute white/off-white tops and sing in whispered tones and sound a little like Jewel. Standout Husni - who was like some weird extra terrestrial combination of Prince, George Michael, Madonna and Diana Ross (he's not camp at all) wasn't voted into the final 12, but that Corby kid has and he'll be there until the end because the teeny girls wanna lose their virginity to him (or they wanna pretend they still have their virginity so they can lose it to him) and Jacob fuckin' Butler who was a part of that other TV singing contest/biggest tv debacle ever X Factor. Yawn. Of the girls that featured last night I loved Tarasai and Cheray.

I won't be discussing Idol much (thankfully) because the best man for the job is already doing so. I speak of anagram-loving Scott at Scott to be Certain. He already has detailed/hilarious commentary on all the episodes as well as a top 20 Idol performances countdown and much more. He's amazing. Unlike Daniel Husnif.

Lastly, have we found the best music video of 2007? Perhaps we have in the form of "If You Keep Losing Sleep" by Silverchair (watch it below on MySpace video, I hope the code works!) It's like the opening scenes of Moulin Rouge! mixed with Rocky Horror Picture Show, some of Tod Browning's Freaks and Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love". Sound great? It is. Plus, the song is pretty cool too!

If You Keep Losing Sleep

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Well Played, Poster: Storm Warning

2007-08-28T15:49:00.000+10:00

This poster has apparently been floating around out there for a while now, but I only just saw it. It's the poster for an upcoming Aussie horror flick entitled Storm Warning. It is directed by Jamie Blanks (he made the ridiculously fun Urban Legend and ridiculously ridiculous Valentine) and will be released sometime in the next ten, twenty, thirty years (it's being distributed by Dimension, an extention of those pesky Weinstein brothers' company).

Upon seeing the poster I actually thought it was a tad silly, but then I saw the trailer and realised this poster perfect. It's probably the first poster in a long time that, like the film it's advertising, actually harkens back to the old days of horror. Those big bloodied eyes, the man with the shotgun, the ominous house. I particularly love the lightning strikes and the use of greens, blues and aquas throughout (the movie is connected to the water after all). And I love that it looks like an island in this expansive sea and these characters are warnings not to go there, with the very tip pointing at this lonely isolated boat (the movie is set on an island after all).

[click to enlarge]

It's actually quite great, don't you think? It totally tells you everything you need to know. "THE SHOCKING NEW FILM FROM THE DIRECTOR OF URBAN LEGEND" - while Urban Legend is neither shocking nor particularly great as anything than a silly post-Scream slasher flick - I love it when posters trump up their movies as things such as "SHOCKING!" Perhaps that's just me, but it really gets me pumped up. I wish movies by legendary directors had captions saying "THE STUNNING NEW FILM BY MARTIN SCORSESE" or whatever. Makes it feel special, non?

I'll ignore the silly tagline - "Survival Can Be Murder" huh? - and just focus on the fact that this feels like one of those old school painted posters that used to be so in vogue (and particularly amazing) and that it looks scary in itself. It hasn't gone out of it's way to look horrifying (no naked women holding decapitated heads, no decomposing limbs representing the number of sequels, etc), just a rather simple design, but done with enough pizazz to work incredibly well and to stand out. Even if the movie looks like it could either be a) really bloody scary or b) really gross, the poster is creepy and visually kind of amazing.

Io Non Sono Qui

2007-08-27T18:07:00.000+10:00

Here's the Italian poster for I'm not There curtesy Awards Daily. Lookie, Lookie! There's Julianne Moore!